Su Tong - The Boat to Redemption

And so, finally, I got to my feet, looked at Scabby Five, and said, from memory, one slow word at a time, ‘“Zhao — Chun — tang — is — an — alien — class — element.” How’s my pronunciation?’

‘I wouldn’t be too cocky, if I were you,’ he said. ‘Sooner or later we’ll get to the bottom of that slogan, and whoever wrote it will be punished.’

When I emerged from the public toilet I spotted the green window of the Milltown Post Office. A postbox stood at the entrance, tall and dignified, mouth open, seemingly waiting there for me. The boat people had no need for the post office, which they had passed on their way to the open-air market. But that postbox and I had an appointment. When I reached it, I considered stuffing in Father’s letters while I was being watched by the security group. I delved into the bag, and when my hand touched Father’s letters I looked behind me, to see Scabby Five staring at me, his eyes shining. ‘Be careful,’ Father had said. ‘Be very careful.’ It was strange, but I felt the letters slip through my fingers, letters that had retained the warmth of Father’s hands. But this time they were fearfully cold, as if they wanted to escape. I tucked them back into the lining, and that made me feel that I was keeping Father safe with me.

I followed the boat people to the marketplace. This was the women’s domain, and where I too could take care of some small matters. By now the security group had herded the men into the open-air market. ‘Do what you’ve come to do, but do it together,’ they said. ‘Form lines and don’t squabble.’

‘Why are you driving all us old men into the market?’ Sun Ximing complained. ‘What are we supposed to do here?’

‘Why can’t you boat people shed your feudal ideas?’ Baldy Chen replied. ‘Will your dicks fall off just because you’re in a market?’ He pointed to me. ‘What about Ku Dongliang? He’s here to buy provisions, isn’t he? Has his dick fallen off?’ He laughed at his own little joke — there was more he wanted to say, and by the way he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye, I could guess what it was, and knew it would be about my father. The one thing I could not tolerate was people saying bad things about my father’s injured penis. So I grabbed a knife from the pork counter, walked up to Baldy and said in a low voice that only he could hear, ‘Say anything about me you want, I don’t care. It’s like farting in the wind. But mention my father and this knife will go in white and come out red.’

Unnerved by what I said, he looked down and pointed his truncheon at the knife. ‘I said a dick, not half a dick. But go ahead, stab me. We’re a martyr’s family, too, but a real one, not phoney like yours.’

Baldy Chen had a mouth fouler than mine, and even an idiot would have known what he meant by that. I raised the knife, but didn’t have the guts to use it. All I could do was give him a dirty look as I began to shake with anger. Fortunately, Sun Ximing and one of the meat vendors rushed up and snatched the knife out of my hand.

That, in a nutshell, was my problem: I was quick to anger, but incapable of translating that into violent action. I invariably reacted to critical moments with fear. I grumbled as I bought my provisions — grains, vegetables and lamp oil. A potato seller gave me a wary look and backed away, not knowing why I was acting the way I was. ‘Buy them or not, it’s up to you,’ she said. ‘But you don’t have to grumble like that.’

‘I’m grumbling at somebody else,’ I said, ‘not you.’

‘If you’re angry at somebody else,’ she said, relieved, ‘don’t take it out on me. Those potatoes may have turned dark, but they’re still good.’

‘You can’t fool me,’ I said impatiently. ‘How can black potatoes be any good? Don’t you have fresh ones?’

‘All gone,’ she said. ‘There’s nothing wrong with potatoes as long as they haven’t started to sprout. Besides, you boat people aren’t the picky type.’

That was the wrong thing to say. ‘Thump your mama,’ I cursed. ‘We boat people are human too. What makes you think you can force us to eat rotten potatoes? You shore people are as rotten as your potatoes. I was grumbling at somebody else, but now I’m grumbling at you.’

In truth, she had every reason to discriminate against us boat people, since we didn’t enjoy the luxury of fresh meat and vegetables. For the most part, we bought large quantities of potatoes, cabbage, salted pig’s head — things like that, since they keep well. With this in mind, the security group staked out certain vendors, getting the men to line up to buy rice, and the women fresh produce. ‘Go on, buy it and move on,’ they urged. ‘Don’t be picky. Get what you came for and then form up again.’ But the crowd had no sooner entered the market than they dispersed like ducks on the river, way beyond anyone’s control. Short-handed to begin with, the security group was helpless to gather them together again.

The women were complaining about the supervision as they quickly made their purchases, looking daggers at the vendors and at what they were selling — rotten goods to go with rotten attitudes. The first argument broke out between Sun Ximing’s wife and a corn seller, and it grew in intensity until the two women were sparring with cobs of corn, using some as clubs and others as flying missiles. The security group rushed over to break up the fight, losing sight of the fact that, as Mao had said, a single spark can ignite a prairie fire. Before the waves of discontent had died down at the corn stall, Six-Fingers’s mother was embroiled in a tug-of-war with one of the local women over a pig’s head. The combatants began to wrestle, leaving the pig’s head in peace for the moment, but when the vendor was knocked to the ground, she screamed blue murder.

I was the first to run, but was followed outside by the other men. As always, people were coming and going on the same street, with the same rows of buildings and the same townspeople in the same blue, grey, or black tunics; but on this particular morning, Milltown seemed to hold new significance for the boat people. All that hounding by the security group made us want to recapture the joy of walking freely in town. Weren’t those free times going to return? The men looked lost and slightly fearful. ‘Run!’ I shouted. ‘Go and do whatever you want! Run!’ Which is exactly what I did. I saw that Desheng was running, too, as were Six-Fingers and Sun Ximing. To outsiders it must have looked like a jailbreak. We made it to the Ironsmith Avenue intersection, where we peeled off in different directions. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Desheng head towards the public bath, his favourite spot in town. Six-Fingers was heading towards the cultural palace, but as far as I knew, air hockey and not culture was what he had in mind. Sun Ximing ran with me for a while, until we reached Broom Alley, where he vanished. I knew where he was going: to see a widow who lived there. That was his business, not mine, so the less said the better.

And me? I wasn’t sure how I wanted to spend this precious time. With so many important things to do, I couldn’t make up my mind where to start. So I just kept running, heading for the vegetable-oil processing plant. My feet had made up my mind for me — I missed my mother. No matter how badly I had disappointed Qiao Limin, I still missed her. Why? I couldn’t say. My feet were doing the talking, so you’ll have to ask them.

I ran and I ran, my bag slung over my shoulder. At the plant I wandered through the various sections amid the roar of milling machines, enveloped in air filled with rice dust, its fragrance mixed with the smell of kerosene. Women in white uniforms were busy on the floor, but they were either too tall or too short, too heavy or too slight to be my mother. One of them spotted me and asked who I was looking for. ‘You’ll have to shout,’ she said. ‘It’s too noisy in here.’