Adam Thirlwell - Politics

He said, ‘Well what, shall I come and find you?’ ‘Look you don’t need to look after me,’ she said. ‘Snot looking after you,’ he said. ‘I want to.’ ‘You don’t need to,’ she said. ‘Look I’m your boyfriend,’ he said. ‘I want to. I love you.’

And it was true, she thought. She was his girlfriend. It made her happy. But she was lovely, Nana. Feeling happy made her feel sad for Anjali. So Nana reconsidered. It was possible, she thought, to be two girlfriends at once.

‘So it’s cancer,’ he said. ‘Christ. Nana,’ he said. ‘Nana,’ he said. ‘Nana are you?’ ‘Yehm, I’m here. Well they don know if it’s cancer,’ she said. ‘So what happens now,’ he said, ‘keemo?’ ‘Yes yes yes,’ she said. ‘Well first they do X- rays and then they do keemo. It’s his choice but he’s going to have it. Then they do keemo. I mean I’ll make him if he doesn’t.’

‘Look,’ he said, ‘Christ look I’m going to have to go. They’ve all gone, they’ve all gone in.’ ‘I can’t hear you,’ she said. ‘They’ve all gone in,’ shouted Moshe. ‘Look I’m. Look I’ll call you when I’m out,’ he said. ‘Shall I just come up and find you?’ ‘What, what do you mean,’ she said. ‘Well shall I? I can get to the station, I can get to Edgware by six,’ he said. ‘No get the Thameslink,’ she said. ‘The what?’ he said. ‘Get the Thameslink,’ she said. ‘What’s that?’ said Moshe. ‘You get it. Get on at King’s Cross and get off at Elstree. Then get a cab,’ she said. ‘It’s quicker,’ she said. ‘No wait I can’t hear you,’ he said. ‘Oh ask Anjali,’ said Nana, ‘she said she’s coming.’ ‘What?’ he said. ‘What what I can’t,’ he said. ‘Ask Anjali,’ said Nana.

And then she hung up.

15

It was at this point in the story, at the end of Chapter 9, that Chapter 1 occurred. About a week later, Nana and Moshe tried to have anal sex. You will remember, hopefully you will remember, that it did not quite work out. As Moshe tried, gently, to tighten the pink fluffy handcuffs surrounding his girlfriend’s wrists, he noticed a tiny frown. Et cetera.

I am sure that by now you can understand all the well- meaning complicated thoughts and compromises that led to their mutual decision to indulge in bondage and anal sex.

And when the episode was over, you will also remember, Moshe carried on his travesty of Jewishness. He said, ‘Did you not like the Joosh thing? It was the best I could think of.’

Depressed, Moshe grinned.

She was looking at him, quiet. He was a comic visual diversion. ‘What?’ he said. And she grinned. She said, ‘Cherub, you’re only half Jewish.’

Moshe was standing in front of her with his body swaying slightly forward. He was resting his weight on his right leg, which was by now tartanly pyjama’d. The foot of his left leg was advanced a little. And his knee was gently bent. He was getting into his pyjamas.

Nana was wondering why she was happy, lying there as the street lights switched on, unequally.

‘And you’re not even circumcised,’ she said.

‘Let’s not squabble,’ he admonished her, as he hopped across the room in search of the left pyjama leg.

Moshe was not happy. He was depressed. Nana and Moshe, he thought, were not a success. Nothing was ever successful. He was brooding and dissecting the bad effects on a relationship of becoming a menage a trois. He was thinking angry thoughts. He was wishing that it was just the two of them again.

If only Nana knew that! But she did not. Instead, Nana was happy. And she had worked out why she was happy. She was happy because she had realised she no longer had to try to have Kama Sutric sex. She no longer had to watch Anjali and Moshe together, being more proficient and excited. This was because she should make a noble decision. Nana should go back home and be with Papa. She should leave Moshe. Moshe did not need her. He was better off without her. Whereas Papa needed her.

You see, in case you have been wondering at the propriety of planning unnatural sex acts while one’s father is in hospital for a suspected brain tumour, you should understand that Papa was not in hospital. They were really not sure it was a tumour. They thought it could just be a small stroke. So Papa had been made an outpatient. He was sent back home while they analysed his scans.

Papa was sitting at home, happily, and resting. It was possible that he had recovered. Everything seemed calm.

But calm was no reason not to nurse him, thought Nana. Nana loved her Papa. She missed being at home with Papa. So she was going to show him how much she adored him.

A gesture of love — that was what Nana decided.

1

Let me makethis entirely clear. Nana wanted out. She had decided that she wanted out for ever.

There was one egotistic reason for this. She did not want to be part of the sexual competition any more. She did not want to have to watch Moshe and Anjali. Nana had had it with humiliation.

And there was one altruistic reason. She wanted to look after Papa.

It was also a gesture of love.

2

In 1995, the Nobel Peace Laureate, Sir Joseph Rotblat, called for a treaty among nuclear-weapons states. Each state would agree not to be the first to use nuclear weapons in any conflict. On 5 April 1995, a No First Use Policy of the Declared Nuclear Weapons States was duly signed.

I know that Nana and Moshe and Anjali were not nuclear-weapons states. They were obviously not states at all. So this might seem a little melodramatic and irrelevant. But it is not melodramatic and irrelevant.

The No First Use Policy is based on mutually assured destruction. The acronym for this is MAD. And that is a very good basis for an agreement. It is the basis for lots of agreements. But it also has a flaw. This type of agreement only works if everyone is feeling threatened. This depends on people feeling that destruction would be, on balance, undesirable. As soon as someone feels that life could get no worse, then they no longer feel threatened at all. You need to enjoy your life a teensy-weensy bit, in order to feel threatened. If you do not like your life at all, then you do not care about being nuked in return. And you may well break your promise not to be the first to use nuclear weapons. At this point, the agreement no longer has any binding force.

Perhaps this does not parallel Nana’s decision to leave the menage . She was not leaving because she thought that her life was hopeless. She was leaving to nurse her Papa. It was noble.

But Nana was not just noble. There was another reason. This was the egotistic reason.

This is where I can see a similarity. And I am specially keen to point this out, because the egotistic reason was a hidden reason. It was not obvious. So I think it is important to emphasise it here. In her more maudlin moments, as she brooded on sexual inequality, Nana thought that she had nothing left to lose. Their tacit agreement to stay together no longer had any binding force. It would be no worse for Nana to leave than to stay.

In Foreign Office circles, there is a nickname for the No First Use policy. They call it No FUN. MAD is No FUN.

Unfortunately, you see, Nana was about to have fun.

3

Nana woke up. She wanted out. She wanted to leave Moshe. She wanted to leave Anjali. She wanted to leave the two of them together. It was what was best for everyone.

The three of them were arranged, this morning, as follows:

Nana, Anjali, Moshe.

Maybe this does not quite express the arrangement. Moshe was lying wrapped round Anjali. He was clinging to her.