Daniel Price - Slick

My pant cuffs were soaked. I started to get a chill from the water, but I kept splashing through it.

“Harmony, victims come and go. They’re a dime a dozen. If you keep going this way, people will run out of ways to praise you. They’ll get tired of empathizing. Worse, they’ll resent you — not the media, but you — for filling one too many headlines. And once they turn away, that’s it. You’re a blip. You’re pop trivia. You think I’m lying? I can give you a list of twenty names that’ll sound vaguely familiar to you. Twenty names of people who rode and fell off the victim track, just like you’re doing.”

“Well then I’ll just have to jump to a better track,” she countered. “I’ll use this time to make something better of myself. I was hoping you’d help me, but I guess that ain’t happening.”

“No,” I replied with a heavy breath. “I guess it ain’t.”

“You just love talking down to me, don’t you?”

“No. I hate it. But you’re giving me no other choice.”

“So what happens now? You guys come after me with all you got?”

“Of course we do. What do you think I’ve been trying to prevent? Why do you think I just gave up my whole goddamn fee?”

“And are you gonna help them, Scott? You gonna help them take me down?”

A midsize wave broke a few yards ahead of me, drenching me up to my thighs. By now my legs were completely numb.

“If it comes down to that,” I mused, “I’ll be blamed, which means I’ll be fired.”

“Which means you wouldn’t get your money anyway.”

“You know, you really are stupid.”

“Fuck you.”

I chuckled. “Fuck me. Right. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you hang up on me a twelfth time? Why don’t you kick me out of your life for good? Then you’ll find out which one of us is more fucked.”

She paused but she didn’t hang up. Shit. Don’t make me do this.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about consistency. Since I truly am the smart and evil bastard you pegged me for — good catch, by the way — don’t you think I would have established a solid Plan B? Do you really think I could have sold my crazy idea to Hunta, Maxina, and all the others if I didn’t offer some kind of insurance policy?”

She paused to mull it over. “Alonso said you’d have something up your sleeve.”

“Alonso is a flaming jackass who just shot himself in both feet. But in this case, he’s right. I guess you decided not to trust him either.”

“What’s your insurance policy?”

“We have you on tape,” I informed her. “When I first drove you, when I liberated you from the Flower Club, I recorded our conversation.”

“You taped me?”

“Of course I taped you. I can’t believe you’re even surprised.”

“But it don’t make sense! It’s all you! That ride was just you talking!”

“Not just me. I did a lovely job describing the plan but you contributed some nice tidbits yourself. ‘Wait. You want me to tell people he raped me? But it’s a lie. He never raped me. Hunta never even touched me.’”

“You’re crazy! That gives up the whole game!”

“No, no, no. Selective editing, my dear. I picked a nice two-minute chunk that covers only the plot to frame Hunta, not the plot to save him. See how smart and evil I am?”

“Bullshit! If you play that tape, you go down with me!”

“Wrong. In order to prove it was me, you’d need voice experts to match it to a second recording of me. Legally, there are only two ways for the authorities to obtain such a thing: A) if I cooperate, or B) if they pull it from the public domain. I have no intention of cooperating. And I don’t have my voice in the public domain.”

“Then I’ll just say it wasn’t me on that tape either!”

“Uh, maybe I should clarify the term ‘public domain,’ honey. It includes Larry King Live .”

“You motherfucker! You gave me all this shit about having an invisible rope around you! That if I go down, you go down too!”

“Yeah, well, turns out I had a safety line.”

“You motherfucker! You goddamn motherfucker!”

My lips began to quiver. My teeth chattered. The ocean was freezing me. I didn’t care.

“Sweetheart, you should be less concerned about me and more concerned about yourself. See, once that tape is released, it’ll go to at least three independent audio experts who’ll compare the pitch, the tone, and the frequency of your voice on Larry King to your voice on the recording. Within hours, they’ll prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that it’s really you. Then you’re in for a bad time. You won’t even have remorse to hide behind, because hey, you never bothered to confess. You were caught. Exposed.”

“I’ll tell them everything! I’ll give them the whole story!”

“Go ahead. Sing like a bird. It doesn’t matter. You’re stuck on the wrong side of Occam’s razor. Nobody sane is going to believe that you were trying to help Hunta all along, especially after the way you cried last night. And nobody credible would support your story anyway. Your roommates. Lisa Glassman. All people with dubious motives and zero evidence. The truth is just too crazy, too complex for the audience to handle. Hell, they couldn’t even handle Whitewater and that was just a land deal.”

Sometime during my spiel, I crossed into the realm of fiction and just kept going. In truth, the recording would put me at huge risk with both the media and the authorities. If it was ever released, Harmony would have everything she needed to drag me straight down to hell. It would be a living nightmare. As if this wasn’t. As if her hot tears weren’t enough to damn me forever.

“I’ll give you up! I’ll give them your name!”

“Knock yourself out. But consider this: if I’m such a smart and evil bastard, what makes you think I even gave you my real name?”

“You showed me your license!”

I laughed. “Oh, well then I must be Scott Singer.”

By now I was soaked to the waist and shivering all over. Harmony screamed her sobs.

“You motherfucker! I hate you so much! ”

“I never wanted it to come to this! I did everything possible to keep it from coming to this but you just wouldn’t listen! You wouldn’t trust me!”

“I HATE YOU!”

“I did everything for you! I risked my career for you! I gave up my money! I put my heart and soul into you and you threw them right back in my face!”

“You ain’t got a heart! You ain’t got a soul!”

“I’ve got them. You just refused to see them.”

“You motherfucker! You’re a sick motherfucker!”

A large wave crashed down, knocking both shoes out of my hand. I didn’t chase after them. I was so cold, I could barely stand.

“Harmony, shut up, stop crying, and listen to me very carefully. You have exactly one hour to call Maxina and tell her that you’re willing to cooperate. If she doesn’t hear from you, the tape goes out to the press. So use your head for once and do the smart thing.”

She kept crying. “You are the saddest, most pathetic man I ever met in my life.”

I couldn’t stop shaking. “Whatever.”

“I don’t care what your real name is. I don’t care what happened in your life to make you this way. There’s no excuse. There’s no excuse for a man like you.”