Yu Hua - Brothers

C Liu took very seriously the company's second- and third-largest shareholders’ upcoming trip to Tokyo and arranged for a newly arrived Toyota Crown sedan to take them to the Shanghai airport. C Liu was full of good intentions. He said this was a brand-new sedan that no one had ever ridden in before and therefore Yu and Wang would be riding in a virgin car.

Yanker Yu and Popsicle Wang sat on the Italian sofa in the luxurious reception area, waiting. When Yu saw that it was a Japanese sedan that had arrived to pick them up, he waved the chauffeur over and in an even tone told him, "Go and bring me a big iron hammer."

The chauffeur was completely baffled. He looked at Yanker Yu and then at Popsicle Wang, but Wang was similarly baffled. Yanker Yu continued urging the chauffeur, "Go on."

Popsicle Wang didn't know what the hammer was for but figured that whatever Yanker Yu said must be correct, so he too urged the chauffeur, "Go, quickly!"

The chauffeur left stupidly, and Popsicle Wang asked Yanker Yu, "What is the hammer for?"

"This is a Japanese product." Yu pointed at the Toyota Crown sedan outside and, crossing his legs on the Italian sofa, said, "If we ride a Japanese sedan to protest in Japan, it would become politically very sensitive."

Wang finally understood and nodded repeatedly. He thought that Yanker Yu was truly impressive and a born politician, and that C Liu was genuinely confused. Liu knew full well that they were going to Japan to protest but still sent a Japanese sedan to pick them up, indicating that he didn't have any understanding of politics whatsoever.

At this point the chauffeur showed up with the hammer and stood at the door of the reception area waiting for Yanker Yu's instructions. Yu gestured and said, "Smash it."

"Smash what?"

"Smash the Japanese product," said Yanker Yu, still speaking in an even tone of voice.

"What Japanese product?"

Yu pointed at the sedan outside the window and said, "That car."

The chauffeur jumped in astonishment and stared at these two stockholders. He slowly backed out until he was standing in front of the Toyota Crown sedan, then he dropped the hammer and ran away. After a while, C Liu came over, all smiles, and explained to the two stockholders that this Toyota Crown sedan was actually not a Japanese product but, rather, a Chinese-Japanese joint venture product, and therefore at least 50 percent of it belonged to China. Popsicle Wang had always trusted C Liu and said to Yanker Yu, "That's right, its not a Japanese product."

Yanker Yu replied very deliberately, "All political matters are of paramount importance and can't be treated haphazardly. We should retain the fifty percent that belongs to China and destroy the fifty percent that is Japanese."

Popsicle Wang immediately sided with Yanker Yu and said, "That's right. We should destroy fifty percent."

C Liu became livid and thought to himself that what he should be smashing with that iron hammer were those two bastards’ thick skulls. He didn't dare lose his temper in front of the stockholders, so he turned and charged toward the chauffeur, shouting, "Smash it! Quick, smash it!"

C Liu stalked away furiously while the chauffeur lifted his hammer and, after a long hesitation, brought it down on the windshield. Yanker Yu stood up with satisfaction and, taking Popsicle Wang by the hand, said, "Let's go."

"If we don't have a car, how are we going to get there?"

"We'll hitch a ride," Yanker Yu replied. "We'll hitch a ride in a German sedan to go to Shanghai."

Therefore, these two seventy-year-old tycoons walked down the street pulling their suitcases and tried to hail a taxi. Popsicle Wang was very complimentary of Yanker Yu's calm manner. Yanker Yu hadn't uttered a single vicious word, but what he had accomplished was extremely vicious. Yanker Yu nodded and said to Wang, "Politicians don't need to utter vicious words. It is only little hooligans fighting among themselves that need to use vicious language."

Popsicle Wang nodded repeatedly, and upon remembering that he was soon going to accompany this extraordinary Yanker Yu to Japan, he couldn't help but feel a rush of pride. But when he thought the situation over again, he again became anxious and softly asked Yanker Yu, "When we go to Japan to protest, won't the Japanese police arrest us?"

"They won't," Yu assured him, then added, "though actually, in my heart of hearts I wish they would."

"Why?" Popsicle Wang jumped in alarm.

Yanker Yu looked around to make sure no one was listening, then said quietly, "If we are arrested by the Japanese police, China would certainly protest and negotiate on our behalf, the United Nations would mediate, and newspapers throughout the world would print our pictures, because aren't we world-famous celebrities?"

Seeing Popsicle Wang's confused expression, Yanker Yu said in a voice dripping with pity, "You just don't understand politics, do you?"

BALDY LI was not one of Madam Lin's VIP customers. More than three years elapsed, and Baldy Li hadn't seen Lin Hong a single time, nor did he see any other women. The last time he and Lin Hong made love had become their eternal elegy. The news of Song Gang's death had made Baldy Li leap away from Lin Hong as though she were on fire, and that instant of surprise followed by remorse left Baldy Li at a point of complete collapse. From that point on, he became impotent or, to use his own words, "I've lost all my superpowers."

After Baldy Li lost all his superpowers, his ambition also disappeared. When he went to work at the company, it was completely routine, like casting and then drying his nets, and he increasingly resembled a decadent emperor who had lost interest in ruling. After organizing the tofu banquet for Lin Hong, Baldy Li had handed over the position of company president to Deputy Liu.

The day Baldy Li handed over his presidency was April 28, 2001. That night he sat on the gold-plated toilet in his bathroom as the plasma television on the wall showed an image of a Russian Federation rocket taking off. Having bought a ticket for $20 million, the American businessman Dennis Tito was wearing a space suit with an astronaut's expression to match, proudly departing on a space tour. When Baldy Li turned to look at his own reflection in the mirror and saw his pissing and shitting expression, he felt as though he had just seen a fresh flower followed by a pile of cow dung. Baldy Li was very dissatisfied by his reflection and thought how this American was traveling into space to eat, drink, piss, and shit, while here he was, wasting away his years on this toilet in this tiny town. He told himself, "I want to go, too."

More than a year later, the South African Internet tycoon Mark Shuttleworth also spent $20 million to hitch a ride on a Russian Federation rocket. He said that they orbited the earth sixteen times a day, and therefore every day he could see sixteen sunrises and sixteen sunsets. Next the American pop star Lance Bass announced that he too would fly into space. By this point Baldy Li was as anxious as an ant on a hot frying pan and said impatiently, "There have already been three bastards who have jumped ahead of me."

Baldy Li hired foreign students from Russia to eat and live with him and teach him Russian. To help improve his Russian faster, he vowed that he would speak only Russian in his mansion and no Chinese. This rule caused C Liu considerable distress, since when he came to report on the company's business every month, it would take him more than three hours to say what he should have been able to cover in twenty minutes. Baldy Li obviously understood everything he said but pretended he didn't understand Chinese and therefore asked the two Russian students to translate everything into Russian. After hearing the Russian, Baldy Li would shake his head pensively and would search his extremely limited Russian vocabulary for the appropriate word to respond. Unable to find the correct word, he would instead come up with some rough approximations, which the Russian students would then translate back into Chinese; but when C Liu heard the translation he would merely stare in bewilderment, having no idea what Baldy Li was trying to say. Baldy Li would also realize it hadn't come out right, but he couldn't allow himself to correct it, on account of his vow not to speak Chinese. Therefore, he would continue fruitlessly searching for the appropriate Russian words. In the end, C Liu was exhausted and felt that he was trying to speak human language with an animal, or animal language with a human, and would silently curse Baldy Li, This fucking fake foreigner!