Yu Hua - Brothers

When Wandering Zhou finished introducing the bust-enhancing cream, he then turned to Song Gangs breasts. He introduced Song Gang to the men and women crowded around them as Boss Song. Wandering Zhou expounded on how, in the city, breast-enlargement creams were as plentiful as the hairs on a cow, but truly effective ones were as rare as a single hair out of every nine cows. Therefore, in order to determine whether or not the cream was truly effective, Boss Song used some himself, never expecting that two months later … Wandering Zhou then pointed to Song Gangs chest and said, "As a result, our Boss Song now no longer has a mans strapping build but, rather, the supple and graceful figure of a young woman."

The crowds started laughing uncontrollably, crowding around and staring at Song Gang curiously as though he were an alien. As Song Gang blushed with embarrassment, a petite young woman pinched his nipples. Song Gang angrily swatted her hand away, and one of the men reprimanded her, saying, "Where do you get off, thinking that you can fondle a mans sexual organs?"

"You call this a sexual organ?" the woman asked in surprise.

"As long as it is a breast and fondling it can bring on an orgasm, then it is a sexual organ." The man pointed at the woman's petite breasts and added, "I assume you consider these to be sexual organs, don't you?"

As he was speaking the man also pinched Song Gang's nipples, and Song Gang exploded. He grabbed the man's hand and pushed it away. The women in the crowd were pleased, saying that anyone with such big breasts must be considered a woman. Therefore, they collectively criticized that man, saying, "Who do you think you are, fondling a woman's breasts like that?"

"Is he a woman?" the man asked in surprise.

"If she weren't a woman, how could she have such big breasts?" the women all replied in unison.

"Regardless of whether you're a man or a woman" — Wandering Zhou lifted his Boobs bust-enhancing cream high in the air—"the important thing is that whoever uses this will become a modern-day Queen Boobs."

The petite woman who had fondled Song Gang's fake breasts was the first to come forward. She bashfully paid for two vials of the cream and hurried away. Several middle-aged women then came forward and bought several vials, explaining that they were buying them for their daughters. Some young women also bought some, saying that the cream was for their friends. Finally, some men came forward, explaining that they were buying it for the girlfriends of their girlfriends, or for their wives’ sisters. Wandering Zhou was all smiles as he raked in the money with one hand and handed out the vials of bust-enhancing cream with the other. Within an hour he had managed to sell thirty-seven vials. He then proudly lifted up a box of Boobs bust-enhancing cream, announcing loudly, "Thirty-seven vials of Boobs cream have already found owners. Who will these last ones go to?"

After Wandering Zhou put the box down, a man crowded forward and pointed at Wandering Zhou's crotch, whispering, "Will it have any effect if you apply it there?"

"You mean on your penis?" Wandering Zhou replied in a loud voice. "Of course it will."

"Hey hey," that man whispered. "Please lower your voice."

"I understand." Wandering Zhou nodded to the man, then held up the bust-enhancing cream and said to the men who were crowded around, "This Boobs cream can also serve as a penis enlarger, making your erections bigger, longer, and longer-lasting. But when you use it, you must be very careful to follow doctor's orders. Otherwise, it might end up so big that it will no longer be a penis."

"If it's no longer a penis, what will it be?" some of the men asked laughing.

"If it becomes too big" — Wandering Zhou thought for a moment— then "it will become a breast."

Wandering Zhou was blessed with beginners luck, and the first day he sold fifty-eight vials of the cream. For Song Gang, however, that day was like the seventh circle of hell. Having to unbutton his shirt and let all these unknown men and women admire his fake breasts, and to listen to some of them even debate whether he was a man or a woman, was enough to make him feel as though he was about to go insane. However, he gritted his teeth and collected himself. As the sun went down Wandering Zhou gathered the boxes. Song Gang, looking like a woman who had just been sexually brutalized, shamefully buttoned his shirt back up and, with an ashen face, followed Zhou back to the hotel. Wandering Zhou knew that Song Gang was distressed and therefore comforted him, saying, "No one knows you here."

The next day, the two returned to the same street and continued their performance. This time, Wandering Zhou managed to sell sixty-four vials of the cream. According to Zhou's custom, the third day they should have moved to a new location, but their success up to that point made him reluctant to leave and therefore they once again returned to the same street corner. By noon, the petite woman who had pinched Song Gangs nipple the first day came forward with a big, burly man. The man, who looked like a butcher, walked right up to Song Gang and carefully examined his fake breasts. At the time Wandering Zhou was energetically hawking his wares and didn't notice that this man's lips were swollen to an enormous size. When the man was finished examining Song Gang's breasts, he grabbed Zhou by the collar and started cursing up a storm, saying that the breast-enlargement cream he was selling contained poison. This man caught Zhou by surprise, and at first all Zhou heard was a buzzing sound coming from the man's swollen lips. Eventually he understood that the man had applied the cream to his lips. Wandering Zhou forcefully pushed away the man's hand and reprimanded him, "Why did you use the cream on your lips? That was an idiotic thing to do—"

"Fuck you!" The man with the swollen lip became furious. "Why would I want to use your cream?"

"Then what did you use?" Wandering Zhou was confused.

"I…"

The man didn't know what to say, and so his wife blushed and said, "I was the one who used it."

Not allowing her to finish, Wandering Zhou cried out, "How could you apply the bust-enhancing cream to his lips?"

"I didn't!" By this point even her neck was blushing red. She pointed to her chest and said, "I applied it here, but I didn't tell him, so he—"

All the men and women crowded around immediately broke into uproarious laughter. Even Song Gang couldn't help laughing, and Wandering Zhou was even more delighted. He repeated over and over again, "I understand, I understand…"

"You tell me," the man howled, "isn't this poison?"

"It's not poison, it's a kind of growth agent." Wandering Zhou pointed to the man's swollen lip and told the crowd, "Do you see? His lips grew this much in just two days and have even started to develop a red nipple!"

The man's wife protested quietly, "But I myself haven't gotten any bigger."

"Of course you haven't. All the growth agent was rubbed off on him!" Zhou pointed to her husband's swollen lip and didn't pass up this opportunity to make another pitch to the crowd, saying, "Do you see? He was only exposed to it indirectly, so just imagine what would have happened if he had applied it directly — his lips would have grown into two ears!"

As the crowd laughed, the man with the swollen lips went from embarrassment to fury and proceeded to punch Wandering Zhou in the face, leaving him staggering. This punch was like the one Blacksmith Tong gave the young Baldy Li so many years earlier, and like Baldy Li's, Wandering Zhou's ears also buzzed for several days afterward.

In business terms, this man with the swollen lips ended up helping Wandering Zhou immeasurably: That day he sold ninety-seven vials of the cream. The morning of the fourth day, Wandering Zhou held his buzzing ears and quietly snuck off with Song Gang. For the next ten days, their sales on Hainan Island were extraordinarily successful. They were like dragonflies treading water, not staying in any one place for more than two or three days, promptly moving on before anyone saw through their act. Song Gang gradually became accustomed to unbuttoning his shirt in public and began to feel less and less ashamed. Seeing the pile of cash in Wandering Zhou's black bag grow, Song Gang felt reassured. Each night, Zhou sat on the hotel room bed, listening to the buzzing sound in his head and counting their day's earnings. When he told Song Gang how much they had made, a smile appeared on Song Gang's face, as he was convinced that he would soon be able to return home.