Caryl Phillips - A Distant Shore

Two bullets from “O. J.,” the smallest of the soldiers, drum into each girl’s forehead. And then, as an afterthought, “O. J.” shoots Gabriel’s mother in the chest. An irritated “Brutus” shakes his head. The boys laugh raucously, but “Brutus” has seen enough.

“Come, let us go.”

As they leave, each man spits.

As darkness falls, Gabriel realises that he cannot stay hidden for much longer. He listens to the high-pitched chorus of insects, and in the distance he is able to discern the occasional human voice and the frequent staccato of gunfire. Gabriel knows that he will have to make the effort to leave this place, and so he opens the cupboard door and steps carefully into the darkness of the room. His legs and arms are stiff, and he walks with great difficulty. He stands over his mother, and although she is bleeding profusely he can see that she is still alive. She breathes loudly, as though her lungs are filled with sand, but Gabriel dare not remain with her for too long. He crosses to the door and slowly opens it, but there is no moon and the few stars in the sky give off little light. For a moment Gabriel hesitates, and then he begins to run. Out of the corners of his eyes he sees people huddled in doorways and lurking in shadow, but no voice is raised ordering him to stop, and no shot is fired.

Gabriel arrives at his uncle’s house and discovers that everything is shrouded in darkness. He waits at the back door and tries to catch his breath, but his chest continues to heave. Gabriel imagines that his uncle is inside, but anything could have happened. As his breathing returns to normal, he places his head against the cold stone wall to calm himself down. The wall is pock-marked with bullet holes as though some giant bird has furiously pecked at the masonry in a desperate attempt to find a weak spot. Gabriel stands back upright and then he wraps his palm around the door handle and quietly turns it. He closes the door behind him and then, in the darkness, he reaches for the banister and edges forward until he can feel the first step of the wooden staircase. As he puts his full weight upon the stair, it fires off a volley of snapping sounds which causes his heart to leap. Gabriel hovers on this lowest stair and then decides to climb quickly, ignoring the sounds. He remains light on his feet, but he knows that people must be able to hear him. At the top of the stairs, he gropes his way towards the door in front of him, but he already understands that this door will be firmly barred.

“Joshua?” he whispers, but there is no answer. The cloying night heat is beginning to overpower Gabriel, and he can feel his head spinning. He calls again, “Joshua?”

And then, from behind the door, he hears Joshua’s whispered voice.

“Who is it?”

“Gabriel. I am here by myself.” There is a momentary pause, and then Joshua opens the door a few inches.

“Gabriel?” He opens the door a little more, and now Gabriel can clearly see his uncle’s face. He is a dark-skinned man in his late fifties, with a short-cropped mesh of grey hair. His uncle’s teeth are slightly too large for his mouth, and he has a tendency to lift a hand to his mouth before speaking. And, true to form, he lifts his hand. Joshua glances quickly all about himself and then whispers, “Come in, come in.”

As Gabriel squeezes past Joshua he can see that this small storage room at the top of his uncle’s warehouse has been transformed into an eerie chamber of light and shadow by small stubs of candle whose flames flicker in the fetid gloom. Scattered about the room are a dozen or so men who squat on the floor, some with their heads held in their hands, others with heads thrown back against the wall. In the corner there is a single bucket for bathing, and another, somewhat filthier, bucket for the men to relieve themselves in. Joshua closes the door behind his nephew and then turns to face him.

“Gabriel, why are you here?”

Gabriel looks at the older man, but the words will not come. He feels his lower lip begin to tremble, and then the pain of what he has just witnessed begins to rise through his body. Joshua places his hand on Gabriel’s shoulder and encourages him to sit. They both squat beside the door, and Joshua decides to wait a few moments until his nephew has regained his composure. Gabriel stares intently at the space between his feet, and as the silence deepens, Joshua realises that the situation is his to repair.

“Did they find your family?”

Gabriel looks up at Joshua.

“They were not hiding.”

“Gabriel, did they kill everybody?” Gabriel ignores the question, but he knows that through the gloom Joshua will be able to see that tears are now streaming down his face. “Gabriel, you must tell me. Did they kill everybody?” Gabriel shakes his head. “Your mother?” Gabriel shakes his head. “But everybody else, is that it?” Gabriel nods quickly. “And your mother, where is she?”

“At the house.” Gabriel wipes his tears with the back of his hand.

“Gabriel, what will you do? They say you massacred innocent women and children, and then ran away. You know they will keep looking for you.”

“I did nothing wrong, but I know I have to leave this country. If I stay here they will kill me.”

Joshua nods, and under his breath he speaks to himself. “You know, Gabriel, how can God ever forgive us for this shameful situation?” Gabriel looks at his uncle, who is temporarily lost in his own thoughts.

A few moments later Joshua climbs slowly to his feet. Gabriel watches him, and then he also stands. A weary Joshua takes his sister’s man-child by the shoulder and he gestures to the other men in the room. He speaks in a whisper.

“Blood is blood, Gabriel. I want nothing more than to take you in as family, but these men have all paid two thousand dollars to leave. They have sold everything that they have.”

“But I must leave,” protests Gabriel. “This is not my home any more.”

Joshua stares at his nephew, but he knows that words are all that Gabriel has to offer.

“Gabriel, if you can bring me two thousand dollars then you too will be leaving. But you have only a few hours. This is all that I can do for you.”

Gabriel looks at his uncle. He understands that Joshua is both accepting him and rejecting him at the same time. And then Gabriel glances at the other men in the room, all of whom are staring back at him. Gabriel averts his guilty eyes and concentrates on the dark water stains on the walls, where mould is growing and forming strange shapes and patterns. He knows that it will be impossible for him to travel with these men unless he does so on equal terms.

As Gabriel steps into the street he senses that dawn will soon break. The sky is still black, but buildings are beginning to recover an outline, and the noises of animals stirring and cocks crowing are a herald of what is to come. Gabriel walks quickly, but without fear, for he knows that the government soldiers prefer to operate under the cover of darkness. He passes a man who is wrapped in the national flag and pushing a wheelbarrow in which there is a computer. And then, in the distance, he sees a government soldier whose arm is held in a sling and whose legs are swaddled in blood-stained bandages, but he knows that this man will not trouble him. The lamps that line the street do not work, and until the city has regained electricity the street lamps will remain as mere ornaments. Gabriel passes by the city’s one luxury hotel. Even at this distance he can smell the rotting carpets, and peering through the wire fence he can see beer bottles and furniture floating in the stagnant water that fills the swimming pool.

When Gabriel reaches the shop he sees that the shutters to the hardware store are already open and his friend is in the process of displaying, on a table outside the door, what little stock he has left. Ill-matching saucepans, metal pails, batteries, garish neon torches; once upon a time Felix’s store was the place to come if you wanted any household or electrical item. If Felix did not have it, then it did not exist in the country, but Gabriel can see that since the onset of the war his former employer’s stock has been severely depleted. Gabriel walks towards his elderly friend who, although a member of the ruling tribe, has never displayed any prejudice against those, like Gabriel, whose blood marks them off as the nominal enemy. As Gabriel moves closer, Felix looks up and then sets down the pile of white crockery that he is holding. He stares at Gabriel as though looking at a ghost, and then a small smile creeps across his weather-beaten face and he lets out a short laugh of astonishment.