Caryl Phillips - Cambridge

To my surprise Mr Brown, while eyeing me unmercifully, chose not to lash me. This was fortuitous for us both, for I had resolved to no longer endure his abuse if applied in the only manner he seemed to understand, in other words, unjustly. I had decided that I would resist, without turning my mind to a heroic mission, for my knowledge of the Bible instructed me that it is man's duty, with God's blessing, to outwit tyranny in whatever form it appears. My battle with this Mr Brown was now couched in terms of a holy crusade which, with the Lord's help, I was determined to wage with all the energy and skill known to me. The Englishwoman did not concern me. She seemed decent, if a trifle over-dressed for the heat, and she adopted a not altogether unsurprising posture of social superiority driven home by the alabaster in her complexion. Seldom without handkerchief to ward off the fetid air, she graced us with a detachment that bordered on thinly disguised disgust. That I might have conversed with her at ease, perhaps even discussed acquaintances in common, undoubtedly never occurred to her. However, Mr Brown's obsession with this woman, and his lack of attention to my wife, caused my wife further to enter that region of the mind whence all attempts to retrieve her are rendered futile.

Mr Brown frequently made it his business to travel to distant plantations and remain there, sometimes for many days. It was while he was engaged upon one of these journeys that I was called by Stella, the attendant to the white lady, to hurry to the Great House. It appeared that my wife had finally done mischief enough to render her presence offensive to all, black and white. Howling in her bizarre manner, scratching at the dirt, and picking lice from her skin, my wife's mind was no longer her own. Labouring under the full weight of public humiliation, and feeling dreadfully spurned, she now considered herself little more than a common animal, and she was acting accordingly. I mounted a guard at the door of the woman, Emily. She was white with fear that my wife might enter and cause her harm. I assured the fair one that she had nothing to fear, and enquired if she were a Christian believer, to which she answered that she was. I asked from which part of fair Albion she originated, and if her father approved of the institution of slavery, to which she replied that she imagined he did, but her attitudes were her own and somewhat different. She declined to share them with me, but seemed truly fascinated by my knowledge and fluency in her language, the origins of which I, in turn, declined to share with her. Then our conversation was terminated by the arrival of the doctor, who delivered me a gaze of such contempt that I was obliged to turn from him lest I provoke his humour to an undignified pitch. Stella brought me refreshment, and suggested that I might order my wife to cease her noise. This I did, my voice charged with anger. I then departed for my hut.

Clearly my wife was beyond my full jurisdiction. After a great number of sleepless nights, in which I asked God not to abandon me in my distress, nor cast me from His mercy for ever, my weak constitution could no longer withstand my shameful torment. The Lord had hitherto shadowed me with the wings of His mercy, and I had great hope that He might appear again for my deliverance. To this end I arose and set out to walk the full distance to Baytown, all the while reflecting upon my eternal state, and determined, before it was too late, to refresh my bond with the Lord with powerful purpose of heart. It was while praying in the Ebeneezer Chapel that I finally, with the aid of my merciful redeemer, devised a Christian plan. It was evident that Mr Brown was both the object of my anger, and the cause of my wife's present misery. I would visit him, irrespective of his wrath, and talk to him as one man to another. Upon representing myself I would no longer be swayed from my purposes by either his clamouring voice or his raised fists. That he must cease his tormenting of my wife would be the main thrust of my message. I knew full well that a Christian man must fear nothing but the Lord Himself. As I tarried on my knees I felt sure of my purpose. I was determined to carry out my scheme, and then make every exertion to obtain my freedom and return to dear England. In this frame of mind I left the Chapel and began the long walk back to the Great House.

Once there I presented myself in the kitchen, where I informed Stella that I was hungry. She chose to supply me with beef and bread. She was visibly distressed by my troubled countenance, but I imagined her to be somewhat reassured by the signs of my continued moral strength. As I left the Great House a young white overseer challenged me to explain why I was not present in the fields. I informed him of my need for spiritual counsel at this cross-roads of my life, and he scoffed. I then marched purposefully to my hut to study my Bible. I soon discovered that, as ever, my wayward wife was not present. However, I turned my mind towards the Lord and prayed for her pagan soul. Later this same day, my body and spirit being refreshed, and my hunger satisfied, I was preparing to take an evening promenade when Mr Brown entered my hut and accosted me. He knocked the holy book from my hand and proceeded to beat me most savagely. He then demanded that I parade myself before him on this same evening, and until then to refrain from contaminating his other slaves with my insolent presence.

I remained in my hut. In the evening I attended upon the hearing where, among other crimes, I was accused of stealing food! Judgement upon my case was postponed, and I was confined to the slave village. For many weeks I supplicated myself in isolated meditation. My loneliness and humiliation without my wife (who had resorted to the new ploy of running clear away), the injustice of my treatment, and the Christian import of the season, all served to strengthen my resolve once again to challenge this Mr Brown. I made my way to the Great House and enquired after Stella for his whereabouts. A tearful Stella (for it appeared that Mr Brown had taken no interest in her beloved Miss Emily once the details of the latter's condition had been discovered by the physician) informed me that on this festive day the unloved Mr Brown would soon be returning from church.

I went out on the road, and as I saw his bay mare approach I called to Mr Brown and made note of the anger in his eyes. He dismounted and walked towards me with whip raised, but I had steeled myself to endure no further abuse. In a simple and Christian manner I was merely requesting that he behave towards myself and my wife with a decency that one would have afforded a dog. He struck me once with his crop, and I took it from him, and in the resultant struggle the life left his body. I then fell to my knees and prayed to my God to forgive me for my wretched condition. I, Olumide, who had become black Tom, then David Henderson, and now Cambridge, had broken one of God's commandments. On this Christian day, and for the first time since my second unChristian passage, I was truly afraid, truly frightened of my actions and the fearful consequences of my heathen behaviour.

I say again: Pardon the liberty I take in unburdening myself with these hasty lines, but the truth as it is understood by David Henderson (known as Cambridge) is all that I have sought to convey. Praise be the Lord! He who 'hath made of one blood all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth'.

'In the year 18__, another murder was committed, the details of which are as follows: — A person by the name of Brown was living as an overseer upon an estate called _______, now in the possession of Messrs _______ and _______ The negroes on this property had been for a long time in the habit of pilfering, and in many instances Mr Brown had discovered the pilferers (offenders), which caused him to be disliked, and determined one among them, more heartless, perhaps, than the rest, to undertake his destruction. On Christmas day, the Christian Mr Brown rode to church at _______, and upon his return in the evening, between the hours of six and seven, he met with his untimely death.