Caryl Phillips - Cambridge

The most despised black man into whose territory I had the misfortune to stray was the notorious fop of Bristol, the improperly named Clarence de Quincy. This minion, spoiled by the indulgence of those for whom he presented a spectacle of novelty, and forgetting that he was a chance-child dependent upon the bounty of Christian strangers, assumed airs and spoke loudly of his royal acquaintances amongst the black sons of his native Africa. A boastful man, not given to understatement or modesty of expression, he sought to make a figure that would obscure what he imagined to be the objectionable nature of his complexion, and enable him to occupy the position of general favourite with a reputation for amusing endeavours. His perfumed appearance, made complete only by the ostentatious donning of white gloves, bestowed upon him much renown. This man's vulgar mockery of my Bristol mission made my task, and that of Mrs Henderson, all the more difficult. Proclaiming himself at our first meeting a son of that over-cooked race of Adam, this bantam-cock reduced the smaller part of the audience to peals of irreverent laughter with his Drury Lane antics. I prayed hard to my God to forgive this blasphemer.

Winter closed in and my poor wife began to take with fever. Although I was only recently exposed to snow, my Anna seemed to suffer even greater discomforts, added to which she was now happily quite large with child. We sought refuge in a small village in the County of Warwickshire where I discovered, to my despair, none amongst this circle of villagers who appeared to have wholly kept the ten commandments. We were treated with great disdain, and my efforts to preach my chosen gospel fell on deaf ears. My dear wife's condition deteriorated, and she suffered excessively as the winter began to prove remarkably severe. Through lack of nourishment we were reduced to the greatest misery imaginable. My familiar sermon that the mind needs food, as well as the body, was in this instance reversed. But it appeared that we could obtain neither work nor compassion from these people. Being an entire stranger I was shy of making requests in the form of begging, but upon receiving no response to a hastily despatched letter to my Blackheath benefactress I fell into a melancholy repose, thoroughly helpless as to how to act. Reduced to a pitiable state of darkness, possessing neither fire nor candle, and our diet crusts of stale bread and drawn-water, we languished in this condition until my dear Anna's birth pains achieved a regular beat. It was at this emergency that I strode forth, resolved now to make my situation known and throw myself at the mercy of these godless people.

Knocking at the first door that presented itself, I was greeted, kindly and without surprise, by a stranger who was evidently aware of my residence in his village. This good man and his lady wife, gardener and maid, listened in silence to my dismal tale, then accompanied me with bread and ale to the room in which I had abandoned my Anna. But it was to prove too late, for some two hours later my dear Anna Henderson and her newly born child both expired within a bream of each other. My chivalrous friends were concerned at my state of mind, for I keened with grief and would not suffer to be parted from the cold bodies of my beloved family. Many an hour passed before I could be prevailed upon to stand on my own legs. The following day the minister arrived and informed me that my child could not be admitted to the parish soil because he had not been baptized. Furthermore, although I had often spoken fluently and publicly of God, the minister claimed he had no evidence of my own Christian status. At length I informed him that I would bury my wife and child together on common land before I would suffer them scattered into separate graves. This Christian man seemed truly amazed at the gravity of my resolve. The bishop of the diocese was sent for and a compromise was achieved whereby the child might be buried with the mother, but the minister would hesitate to read the burial service. To this I agreed, and hoped that by my mien they would understand that I was punishing them with love, for destructive hatred had been driven clear from my heart by Almighty God.

On my return to the great metropolis I was obliged once more to throw myself at the mercy of my great and kind benefactress Miss Spencer, who informed me that she had not been the recipient of my desperate communication. She did respond, however, to the horrors of my tale by providing me with shelter, and nursing my malnourished body into some semblance of health. It was decided upon that my mission ought to go forward, and that although I had exhausted the recently obtained funds on caring for my ailing wife in the County of Warwickshire, the Lord God in His wisdom would certainly bestow His generous benevolence upon me. And so it came to pass, for not a week after we pronounced our resolve to continue with the mission, a messenger-boy arrived with notice for David Henderson to proceed to Gray's Inn and attend upon a Mr Morgan. It appeared that my master's will had indeed allowed provision for his David Henderson and wife Anna, and that the sum of four hundred guineas would soon pass into my possession upon my agreeing to affix my signature to a proffered document. I was one who had, if truth be known, never been able to set a proper value on money, wishing only to be supplied with a small amount to offset immediate necessities. I had determined that whatever capital might exist in surplus was to be given up and used for the greater glory of the Lord. Four hundred guineas seemed an impossible sum for one such as I, and together with Miss Spencer it was agreed that I should utilize this fortune by immediately hoisting sail and furthering my mission on the African coast. It was with great sadness that I was obliged to take leave of my kind patroness and board a ship that was hauling anchor for doubtless ungenerous trade. Miss Spencer gave me many friendly cautions as to how I might conduct myself once back in my unChristian native land, and advised me that I should write frequently. This I promised to do, my heart heavy with sorrow, for it was Miss Spencer who had given me true instruction in the principles of religion and the knowledge of God. We exchanged confessionals of how greatly we anticipated meeting with one another at the close of this very solemn mission.

The captain of our vessel, though clearly unfamiliar with Christian ways, did me the honour of inviting me to share his table for the first week of our voyage. I marvelled at my improved conditions, and related to him the tales of my previous journeys. We toasted in wine the honour due to merry England for having abolished the trade, while other, less civilized, nations continued to pursue this vile commerce. I informed the captain that upon arriving in Guinea I intended to introduce the English system of Christian education. It was God's wish that I should return to my old country with the character of a man in upper rank, and a superior English mind, inferior only to the Christian goodness in my heart. My rooming companion, a Frenchman of seemingly noble manner and purpose, proved my only other conversationalist. But to my regret this man, who styled himself an aristocrat, could follow little of my dialogue, and I precious little of his. This proved to be of no true inconvenience to either of us, for we were polite partners.

We were but one day's distance from the coast, when I ventured to retrieve my remaining three hundred and fifty guineas. I was astonished to discover it removed from its hiding place. My first inclination was that the mistake was mine, and so I searched all possible locations. After many hours, and with great regret, I arrived at the conclusion that the wealth of my Gallic companion must have increased during the passage of our voyage. This uncharitable deduction gained credence when I confronted the vagabond. With a flurry of shoulder motions, and gesticulations of the arms, he made it known that I should present my case to the captain. Upon my petition my host and captain ordered his men to throw me into the belly of the vessel and confine me in irons in a condition of captivity all too familiar. The crew brought me water and crusts, but they would not respond to my pleas that the captain be informed that I was willing for he and the French rogue to take my guineas so long as I might have my liberty. My submissions fell on deaf ears, and so my fate appeared to be sealed. I prayed to the Lord that he might spare me, and I made promise that should he do so I would redouble my Christian efforts, for at this moment I very much feared the horrors that lay ahead. My former passage rose in dreadful review and showed only misery, stripes and chains. In one moment of weakness I called upon God's thunderous avenging power to direct the sudden state of death to myself, rather than permit me to become a slave and be passed from the hand of one man to another like a sack of grain. But the Lord, in his mercy, chose to spare me.