Caryl Phillips - Crossing the River

I believe my poor Second Mate, Mr Foster, will soon be gone to the sea. Besides my personal regard, I shall miss him on your account, for I have often aired my mind by talking to him about you. I judged him alone to be worthy of the subject, but beyond this person there is none with whom I would degrade your name. I will, henceforth, be forced to keep my pleasures and pains to myself, and am now likely to perform what remains of the journey alone. But I shall want no company, being contented to recall how happy I have been in yours. I went, only this morning, on deck, where the weather was perfectly still, the moon bright, and passed an hour thinking deeply of you. I indulged the hope that you were in a pleasant slumber, and free from the calamitous thoughts which plague your loved one upon the seas. As long as you are favoured with health, and a moderate share of the good things of life, then I will bear all the changes of this world. You cautioned me to be watchful of my own life, for your sake, which is a most engaging argument. I know not which of us must depart first, but it is probable that one must survive the knowledge of the other’s death. If it should be my lot, I cannot tell how I might bear it, for being too young to fully grieve for my dear mother, the departure of my father was the first blow, and a mighty severe one. That I loved him, is beyond doubt, although he remained strange to me in many ways, as often befits a great man. But my love for you is of an altogether different amplitude, and I fear that should you depart first, I would soon join. In the meantime, I do not expect to glide through life without meeting rubs, but I have a confidence that you love me, which I would not exchange for any consideration the world could offer. I will try Mr Ellis again, but I expect to be rebuffed, and to leave this coast with the compensatory knowledge that, despite Mr Ellis’s suggestion, the reputation of my late father is secure and growing, although that of his son the youthful gentleman passenger — continues to be mocked by the salty dogs who, I fear, will always believe my position due only to preferment. No matter. Let it suffice that I eat, drink, and sometimes sleep. I am in health, and some spirits, and shall do everything necessary to procure a future happy reconciliation, for beyond this trading community lies family life. My dear, I long to dwell safely in your arms, and revel in the imagined joys that our projected children will bless us with.

Yours, etc.

James Hamilton.]

Tuesday 27th April … Employed most of the day in fitting out the longboat, put goods in her for 10 slaves, and dispatched her to shore. In the afternoon loosed and aired the sails, smoked the ship with tobacco and brimstone. Sent the punt in shore to induce a large canoe to fetch more of our water casks.

Wednesday 28th April This morning buried a fine woman-girl (No. 123) of a fever which destroyed her in a single day, with much vomiting and clamour. The doctor, who is now himself recovered, grows anxious. A high swell makes the vessel labour very much. We wait upon Mr Ellis. At work mending the sails, but the rats out-do us. They forcefully bite the people if they catch them asleep. This evening, found 3 knives and similar tools in the men’s room.

Thursday 29th April At 8 a.m. a stiff sea breeze. This morning put more goods and provisions in the shallop and sent her away for the river. Soon after buried a man slave (No. 39), his severe flux having baffled all our medicines. At 2 p.m. sent the yawl in over the bar. Instructions to clean and fill more water-casks, and to bring off Mr Ellis if he could be located. This evening the yawl returned with information that Mr Ellis will be here soon. Mr Coburn and Mr Ross appear to be making trade with a French sloop that stands downwards.

Friday 30th April At dawn the brig Wanderer , Jones, of Rhode Island, anchored within us. At 10 a.m. he came on board and informed me that downwards there were several ships and no slaves. Bought a hogshead of rum of Captain Jones. This evening a ship passed us steering downwards, showed no colours. Cleaned and reloaded the small arms. Towards midnight a great deal of lightning, and threatening clouds all around.

Saturday 1st May … The canoes made a single trip with water, saved a butt and a half. The frequent showers of rain deter them from making more than one trip. Cannot send the yawl on account of the current which runs stronger than she can row ahead. The Cooper has finished all the casks, we simply wait. Buried a girl slave (No. 20), ill of the flux. Should I not get my capacity of slaves before the next slant of wind and current offers to go up, believe it will be best to suffer the loss, and Mr Ellis’s gain, rather than spend more time to no purpose.

Sunday 2nd May … The season advancing fast and, I am afraid, sickness too. Almost every day one or, two more taken with the flux, of which a man-boy (No. 59) died tonight. I imputed it to the English provisions, and have begun to feed them rice. Brought off 24 casks of water and 3 loads of wood, no word from Mr Ellis. A William Givens brought about 290 lbs of rice and 2 women slaves. I gave him goods, and encouraged him to procure me others if he does so in haste.

Monday 3rd May Mr Ellis chose this morning to bless us with his presence. Shortly after 9 a.m. the heavy canoes crossed the bar, and before noon all were aboard. 32 slaves, viz., 19 men, 3 man-boys, 4 women, and 6 girls, and none to be rejected. Delivered up the longboat to Mr Ellis’s people, and put the remainder of his bars in her. Her bottom is much eaten with the worm, and I have been much inconvenienced…

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Thursday 6th May … Made two trips with the yawl for water and rice. Canoes brought 6 loads of wood. Got on board 4000 lbs of rice, dry and in good order, all hands filled more than 5 butts. Have near 7 tons of rice in good order. One more turn of water and wood in the afternoon finished this troublesome job. Buried a boy slave (No. 189) of a flux. Have a promise, from Mr Ellis, of more trade in the morning if the wind does not suit to sail. Towards midnight wind came off the land with rain.

Friday 7th May Weighed at dawn with the land wind, steered downwards, anchored at 2 p.m. abreast of the trees in 15 fathoms. I think our Duke of York has found new heels. All night bad weather; filled 4 casks with rainwater. Passed us in the offing the Wanderer .

Saturday 8th May Very unsettled weather with a great deal of rain; could not weigh all day, until 6 p.m. when backed in a hard squall to West. Took the advantage of it and weighed immediately. Turned the yawl off with 3 hands, she being very heavy to tow. We begin to be short of supplies…

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Tuesday 11th May A continual thick fog. At 8 a.m. weighed, run into 11 fathoms which was as near as I dared venture, but could make nothing of the land, though we saw the breakers very high. By noon the wind faint and fog increased. Could not see the land, but by the noise of the surf determined it must be very close. Stood out to 12 fathoms and anchored, for it would not be safe to attempt to steer. Hoisted in the punt and coated her with pitch, tar and brimstone…

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Thursday 13th May … We begin to be very short of firewood and water. At noon weighed with the land wind, the fog as thick as ever. Steered upwards by the lead in 13 fathoms. At 3 p.m. anchored, being afraid to keep under sail with us so near in. Propose to try with the boat tomorrow if it does not clear up. Steadfast in my belief that we are close by the factory.

Friday 14th May … Mr Smith returned in the afternoon, informed me that we were but a league below the factory. He brought with him fresh water, and the information that they will happily let us purchase 3 tons of rice, of which I am in absolute necessity. Other articles are to be got here without much difficulty. Fired 5 guns while he was away.