Shashi Tharoor - Show Business

No time for idle musings on the senses of our censors, though, as I take my eyes off Abha’s peaks to contend with Abha’s pique. She has finished with the earring and is returning my gaze, her expression an unspoken question.

“You’re beautiful,” I find myself saying.

She is now less angry than amused. “You haven’t come here to flatter me,” she replies, but it is obvious she is pleased.

“No, I mean it,” I protest sincerely, my eyes straying to the bottle of hair dye she has left inadvertently on the table. “No one would believe you’re thirty-five “

“Thirty-six,” she corrects me. Even if she joined the movies straight after school, she must be at least forty-two.

“I don’t believe it,” I retort, striving to keep ambiguity out of my tone. “It seems just yesterday I saw you in Patthar aur Phool.” In a television rerun, I am tempted to add, but don’t.

“So what do you want?” she asks, half smiling, waiting.

“There’s much drama going on there,” I laugh, with a gesture beyond the door. “I’ve never seen Mohanlal so upset. Anger made him really articulate.”

“Did he send you to me?” she asks, pleasantly enough.

“Yes,” I respond in all innocence. “He —”

“You can tell that cowardly son of a chaprassi he should have the balls to face me himself,” she blazes. “Go on, go and tell him that.”

“I will, in just a minute,” I concur hastily, cursing my tactical clumsiness. “But I didn’t come here only for Mohanlal. I need to talk to you, Abhaji.”

“What about?” The situation is still retrievable. She is slowly decelerating from her tigress mode.

I haven’t a clue what to say next, so I shift from one foot to the other, looking uncomfortable. My glance lingers on Celestine, who is standing dubiously against the wall like a mouse evaluating a cheese of uncertain provenance. Abha thinks she understands the reason for my silence. She gestures with a tilt of her head, and the dresser scurries noiselessly away.

“Don’t come back till I call you,” Abha orders, and the door clicks behind me. We are alone: the first time I have been with Abha without an audience, an entire crew looking on.

“Thank you,” I say. She nods, slightly impatient. I must think of something to say. I speak without thinking: “Abhaji, I know I’m making a mess of things out there. I’m truly sorry.”

Her face lightens visibly. “Sorry? In all my years in Hindi films, I’ve never heard an actor use that word. Even when it was in the script.” She pats the bed, the only other piece of furniture in the dressing room. “I knew you were a decent boy. Come and sit here.” Wordlessly, I obey.

She looks at me, smiling. “I accept your apology.”

“You must be sick and tired of my incompetence,” I say. “I don’t blame you for walking off like that.”

There is a bright light in her eyes, and it doesn’t come from a reflector. “Oh, I didn’t walk off just because of you,” she says. “I’d had enough of that pair of idiots. When it’s obvious you can’t do something, when something isn’t working, do they try and change it? No, Gopi Master has to have his precious steps just the way he wants them, which is just the way he can do them, and that spineless Mohanlal, all he can do is to ask you to try it again. So we do take after take, I wear myself out, you get more and more worried and more and more self-conscious, and that mollusk, that invertebrate, just says ‘one more take, we’ll get it right now, won’t we?’ Calls himself a director! He couldn’t direct air out of a balloon.”

I cannot believe my ears. So it isn’t just my fault after all! Abha’s words are lifting an incredible weight off my padded shoulders. I feel almost exhilarated. “Abhaji, so what should I do? You know this is my first film. I really want it to work. But the way Mohanlal makes me feel, I wonder why he allowed me to be cast in the first place.”

Abha gives me a sidelong look. “Now you disappoint me. I thought you were going to speak honestly with me. None of this false innocent talk. As if you don’t know the reason.”

I am genuinely taken aback by her words. “What do you mean?” I ask. “I know I hung around the producer’s house so much he finally had to sign me. But he wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t think I really fitted the role. He told me so himself.”

Abha sighs. She stands up and walks the two paces to where I sit on the bed. “You really are an innocent, aren’t you?” she asks. The question seems to need no reply. “You mean you really don’t know.” This time it is a statement, not a question. I look up at her, shake my head.

“Who is your father?”

“I thought you were going to say that,” I respond hotly. “OK, so he’s a minister. But he hasn’t lifted a finger to help me. Never has, never will. Hates me being in films. You’ve got it wrong, I tell you. He didn’t get me the role, wouldn’t get me the role. And in any case, no one signs you just because you’re a minister’s son. My father isn’t even that important a minister. Who’d risk an entire film just to please him?”

“I’ll tell you.” She stands over me, hand on hip. “Who is the producer?”

This is silly, but I am looking up at her, seeing her face, her bright eyes, through the fabulous twin cones above my forehead, and I feel compelled to respond. “Jagannath Choubey,” I reply.

“And who is Jagannath Choubey?”

“A rich man. A producer.” She impatiently shakes her head at my replies. “An industrialist.”

“Right. What industry?”

“I don’t know. Factories of some sort.”

“What sort?”

“Clothing, I think.”

“Another word for clothing?”

My eyes widen. “Textiles?”

“Got it. And what does a textile magnate need when he wants to make more money out of textiles?” I do not answer. I am too busy looking into the abyss. “Licenses for expansion. Who approves licenses? The minister holding the relevant portfolio. In this case, minor textiles. Last question: who is the Minister for Minor Textiles?”

I groan.

“You really hadn’t realized, had you?” Her voice is soft, speculative. Her hand touches my head, rumples my hair. “Poor boy.”

I am devastated. I feel an emptiness widening inside me, pushing out all confidence, all pride. I don’t know what to say.

Suddenly, she is sitting beside me. She puts a hand to my face, turns it toward her. “Don’t be too depressed. Everybody has to get their start somehow. Your way is better than most. You don’t know what some people have to do to get their first big roles. You’re lucky — you haven’t had to do anything.”

I push her hand away and get up. I am that emptiness now; nothing else matters.

“Where are you going?”

“To Mohanlal, to quit. I can’t do this anymore.”

She stands up too. “Don’t be silly.”

“Look, the only thing that kept me going from one disastrous take to another was the belief that at least the producer had thought me good enough for this role, really suited to it. We’ve been shooting for weeks, Mohanlal is obviously not happy, nothing is going right, the film is way behind schedule, and now you have just removed the one remaining prop that commits me to this madness. Malini was right: films just aren’t my scene. I’ve got to get out” I make for the door.

Her voice stops me like the lash of a lasso. “Don’t you dare!”

I turn around, surprise raising my eyebrows. She is standing near the bed, both hands on hips now, and her eyes are blazing. “Now you listen to me, Ashok Banjara. You said you wanted some advice, and you’re going to get it. You can wallow as much as you like in your sea of self-pity, but you’re not going to get everyone else to drown in it. If you walk out now, this picture is finished. It will be impossible to salvage. Exposed film will be canned, losses written off, contract labor fired. You will be feeling sorry for yourself, and you will go back to your Malini and weep on her shoulder and tell her how right she was. You’ve got nothing to lose; your career doesn’t even exist yet. But the rest of us, Ashok Banjara, we have a lot more to lose.” She hasn’t moved an inch during all this, and I am riveted by the steel of her tongue, held by the magnets of her eyes. Her voice drops a register. “This is my first starrer in two years. They’ve been saying I’m past it, too old to play the heroine. They’re offering me ‘parallel’ roles now: they think ‘parallel’ is a politer word than ‘supporting.’ Six months ago Moolchand Malik asked me to play Rajesh Khanna’s mother in his next film. I’ve got something to prove to these people. If you walk out on this film now, you’ll destroy what might be my last chance. I’m not going to let you.”