David Vann - Last Day on Earth - A Portrait of the NIU School Shooter

Steve’s response to Kelly’s email is short and doesn’t reveal much: “Take back the Rainbow for freedom and democracy! Perhaps it can be a future campaign platform? Sunday morning will not work for me, as I’ll be too busy sacrificing virgins to the almighty dark lord Satan on that day. Well that, and I’ll be in Schaumburg.”

Steve contacts the Navy recruiter in Champaign a few days later, on January 28, and says he’d like to enlist, not as an officer, even though his college education would make that possible now. He wants to be a grunt, told what to do, every day structured, no decisions. Is this a last attempt to grab a lifeline? Does he know where he’s headed otherwise? He and the recruiter, Nole Scoville, discuss his previous discharge and Prozac in the past, and it seems that nothing will actually prohibit Steve from reenlisting. “The applicant revealed to me that he had been an entry level separation from the Army for failure to adjust,” reads Scoville’s report. “He had also revealed that he had taken Prozac in the past but had been off the medication for 8 years. The applicant also told me that he had a screw in his knee. By our instruction there were no blueprinting hits that would immediately disqualify him.”

Steve is careful during the call, and afterward he’s worried. He didn’t tell the recruiter that he’s currently on Prozac. If he goes into a psychiatric exam and says he’s taking Prozac, that will disqualify him, won’t it? And they might take a blood test.

Steve needs to return to the military. He talks about law school, about public administration, about corrections, about academia, but he’s lost. A safe, controlled environment, daily structure, that’s what he needs. He knows this about himself.

So he stops taking the Prozac. He has to do that. And just like when he went off it in the fall, everything gets worse. His obsessive compulsive disorder, his checking behaviors, his anxiety. He only has to get through maybe three weeks of it, and then he should be clean for a drug test. Does he realize, though, that his Army history is likely to repeat, that the Navy will likely find out he’s lied about mental health in his application? Does this add to the stress, his sense of doom, his inevitable failure?

STEVE SITS ON THE COUCH CRUISING CRAIGSLIST.He keeps the screen facing away from Jessica, closes it if she gets too close. Sometimes she’s talking, and he doesn’t even realize she’s been talking. She says he’s acting strange, won’t get off his case until finally he admits he’s off his meds.

Then she wants to know why, of course, and he tells her, and she thinks the military is a stupid waste of his education and intelligence. But he knows he’s not really that smart. He’s not going to make it in academia or law school or public administration. He could work in prisons, or be some other kind of social worker, but right now, that just sounds like hell.

On January 31, 2008, two weeks before his shooting, Steve sends Kelly a link to the V-Tech Rampage game, asking, “Have you seen this? It’s old, but was amazingly controversial for some reason.” Her response is odd: “No, I hadn’t seen that and I can’t imagine why that would be so controversial. I lost the first round.” By first round, I think she means she’s played the trial version of the game. “I forgot to shoot that girl,” she continues, “and I was just going after all the black people. Sort of practice for what I would actually do in such a situation. =) Just kidding. .! Sorry to hear that school is so insane for you. I’m sure you’re learning lots of useful and awesome stuff. When things calm down, maybe you can come for a visit and some ‘stress relief’. . and we can shoot at black people together!”

Steve replies by sending Kelly a link to snopes.com of “Misspelled Martin Luther King Day Signs,” reading “I HAVE A DRAEM” and “I HAVE A DERAM.”

Steve sends the link to V-Tech Rampage to Mark, also: “Some history: I originally played this game when it was released, but it has since been edited due to an apparent RIAA legal threat, (music copyright violation). The original songs were significant and have been transferred into 8 bit NES-style [Nintendo] music. In case you’re curious, the original songs were “Shine” by Collective Soul and “Mr. Brownstone” by Guns N’ Roses; the former was Cho’s favorite song while the latter was (as you know) a short play written by Cho in one of his undergraduate classes. The last song should still be there, which is actually pretty funny if you listen to the whole thing, (it’s a home-made song called Ke-Ke-Ke). The phrase Ke-Ke-Ke means LOL and is popular amongst Asian users of Starcraft. The significance of Ke-Ke-Ke here is lost on me, but the lyrics are hilarious and the hook isn’t half bad. . I used to play Starcraft online and get my ass kicked by Asians.”

Steve and Kelly have a conversation about mass murder for the next three days, mixed up with sex and race. Steve sends her a link on February 1 to a story about a woman who microwaved her baby, asking “Defrost or Timed Cook?” and Kelly responds, “You should know that nothing much offends me, that’s just kinda sad. makes we want to hunt down people and off them. then again, a lot of things have that effect on me. . im off mon thru thu this week, so maybe we will both have a free day. sometime anyway! i have something i want to try, haha (note evil laugh. .)”

“hmmm, you have me intrigued,” Steve replies. “What do you want to try? You know I’m open to everything and anything, (especially creative ideas), as long as you don’t leave me visible marks with the whips and chains. Monday may work, if the weather doesn’t totally suck and if it’s around the afternoon. .;-).”

“Well now, if I told you, that would ruin the fun. . monday i have class until 2ish, so maybe after that will work. i promise no visible marks. i don’t even have chains! a whip, yes. if you have anything you want to try, im game as well. unless it involves me being peed and/or pooped on. i have one that can only be done at night, and maybe when theres no snow and its less cold, and it involves a cemetery. im a creep:-)”

“The whole peeing/pooping thing is a bit out there,” Steve replies. “and I only do that on weekends anyway. Seriously though, I am up for anything, even if it involves pain and/or water-boarding CIA style. After 2ish may work, so let me know what your preference is. Do you mean you have a ‘whip’ like the leather thing you used to beat people with, or a ‘whip’ as in a blinged out car like in Pimp My Ride? I’m not sure I understand you youngsters and your ebonics, so I wanted some clarification. A strange thing happened like a month ago. I did the whole 420 thing before going to a concert and it was fantastic. . I forgot how fun it was. This isn’t to say that I’m going to be a pothead or whatever, (I haven’t done it since then), but I forgot how fun it was, lol. Drugs are bad Pacman. I’ve never 420’d and had ‘stress relief’ though, which may be fun;-). Not sure if you’re into that though. Besides, I don’t have any hookups in Champaign, as it’s been years since I’ve been into that whole scene. Just thinking. . Sure, I like surprises, as long as they don’t end up with me lying face down in a ditch, bound and gagged in a drug induced haze. That happens wayyyyy too often for my liking.”

“I have never incorporated cia style water boarding into something erotic,” Kelly writes, “but that would be festive. im more of a masochist. and I mean whip as in leather thing to beat people into submission witg. the go go beetle isn’t quite a pimp ride. . as for the smoking, it’s a fun time, but that will have 2 wait until i find out about the job situation, because im betting they test, it being a rehab and all. . lame. i actually would enjoy waking up face down in a ditch, bound and gagged, in a drug induced haze. that never happens to me.:-(my life is so boring.”