Bensalem Himmich - A Muslim Suicide

At home I found Umama waiting for me at the dinner table. No sooner did I set eyes on her than she started nervously peeling off her jewelry. She asked me whether it was permitted for a devout woman to bedeck herself in costly rings, armlets, bracelets, and necklaces. I told her that it was perfectly fine, as long as they were not being used for public display and vanity. I told her the story of the man who had given me the jewelry and purses of gold and followed it with the story of my correspondence with King Frederic. That gave me the opportunity to tell her where I had hidden the purses of gold that he had given me and to encourage her to use the money as she saw fit. She was duly amazed by both stories, and by the second one even more than the first. With that she proceeded to shower praise and prayers on me.

The month of Muharram in 668 AH [1269 CE] arrived, and days went by without any particular problems, as they had in previous months. Every time I thought about my wounded soul or felt nostalgia for my homeland and loved ones, I would seek distraction by going about my routines and visits. Whenever time permitted, I would teach the students and talk to residents and visitors to the Meknesi residence, usually sitting in the garden. I also sat with my wife and told her what was going on; for example, the fact that Abu Numa, the governor, had been away for a long time. Her gentle conversation used to calm me down and help me endure my adversities.

With the advent of Rajab, Abu Numa's absence moved out of the realms of astonishment to become a genuine mystery. No one whom I questioned had any idea of his whereabouts. All I could gather was that he was determined to fight the highway robbers and perform other worthy activities in Medina to the north, along with some other cities in Yemen where Sultan Baybars had managed to sow discord and strife. When it came to the governor's coteriewith their new chamberlain at the head-they chose to respond to my inquiries about their leader with reluctant and gloomy expressions. All of which made me decide that I would not set foot in the palace again unless the entire situation was much clearer.

Here was a case where I had no way of finding out anything about it, either its preliminaries or the current situation. Since I am not someone to indulge in secrets or to involve myself in conspiracies and plots, and am certainly not one of those juridical authorities who is prepared to make blanket decisions, this situation suggested to me that the best thing to do was to wash my hands of it completely and wait to see what transpired. In that way I could adhere to my own beliefs and the ethical principles that I hold dear. So, as the pilgrimage season arrived, then the festival, followed by the month of Muharram in the following year, that is what transpired. There was still no news of Abu Numa, apart from the rumor that he would be coming back soon.

In fact, it was not until the middle of Jumadi al-Ula that it was finally confirmed that he had returned to his palace and was staying in his residence and council chamber. For my part, I too stayed in my residence and my usual haunts, waiting until such time as the governor took the initiative of inviting me to pay him a visit.

Indeed an emissary from Abu Numa arrived at my house in the afternoon of a day at the end of Rajab, giving me the choice of either accompanying him then or else going on my own after evening prayer. I chose the latter, with the idea of organizing a number of issues in my own mind and going to our appointment under cover of darkness. And so it was. The governor welcomed me profusely, then sat me down beside him at a table filled with food. He seemed much the same as before, although he looked thinner and tired. I thanked God for his safe return to his base.

"And I in turn," he responded in his usual loud voice, "thank God Almighty for saving you from Baybars's clutches. I watched as he searched everywhere for you. At times it even seemed as though his only reason for undertaking the pilgrimage at all was to take you prisoner; either that, or else his own obligations would not be complete unless and until he caught you. When he failed to find you and eventually left, he encouraged his troops to provoke as much dissent and strife as possible among the rulers of the Arabian Peninsula and even the Yemen. It was the absolute necessity of eradicating these disputes and restoring some semblance of order among these people that has led me to spend so much time away from Mecca, quite apart from the normal campaign against smugglers and highwaymen. I think I've succeeded in doing all that, although I had to return quickly to Mecca in order to put down a conspiracy here launched by my chamberlain. I've now dismissed him just as I did his predecessor. Thank God, things have now returned to normal. That explains why, dear holy man, I've only been able to invite you here today!"

As my companion was talking, I commented approvingly on all his endeavors and prayed to God that he would continue to be victorious and successful. I felt a strong urge to ask him about my own situation and the future, with Sultan Baybars still intent on pursuing and imprisoning me.

"What amazes me," I said, "is that the Mamluk leader seems so intent on capturing a harmless person like me and watching my every move, when he has previously shown great mercy to his diehard opponents and dealt with them fairly gently! It all reminds me of Salah al-din al-Ayyubi who killed Al-Suhrawardi, the proponent of Illuminism, and yet, when he captured Jerusalem, he dealt kindly with the Crusaders, those consumers of Muslim flesh, and spared them any thought of detention or vengeance. I wonder, governor, did Baybars negotiate with you about my situation?"

"As far as possible, I steered clear of the subject. I only met him once, on the day he arrived. He asked me whose claim to the caliphate was legitimate, and in self-defense I replied that it had to be the Abbasid who was now under his control. He asked me about you, and I told him-this is exactly what I told him-'He may well have gone back to the Maghrib, or he may have died.' Apart from that, I only saw him again for a few moments when he was leaving."

"I don't want to cause you any more problems than I already have," I said after a few moments' reflection. "What do you advise me to do?"

"I promised to protect you," he replied, "and I'm not going to break that promise. My best advice to you is to go into hiding."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"I would suggest that you send your wife to Egypt," he explained, "till everything blows over and the situation improves. By going into hiding, I mean that you should keep changing your address. Whenever you go anywhere, say you're going somewhere else. By indulging in both subterfuge and sheer patience, you're replicating the behavior of the Prophet himself."

With a smile I offered prayers to the Prophet, then stood up to bid the governor farewell. He gave me a warm embrace, warmer than he had ever done before. I got the impression he was saying farewell for the last time. Trying to control my emotions, I departed with firm step and lofty intent.

"God protect us from anything even worse," I muttered to myself.

I now spent seven whole days, day and night, explaining my current plight to my wife and convincing her that she should go to Egypt ahead of me. I would join her whenever I could. She tried to persuade me that we could both go to Upper Egypt; we could stay at a farm belonging to her aunt and enjoy some peace and quiet there. I opposed the idea, saying that I would be much safer staying by the sacred enclosure than I would be in coming even closer to the lion's jaws.

At the end of Rajab, my wife suddenly started gathering up her possessions, teary-eyed. She apologized for seeming so reluctant and stubborn, but justified it all by saying how much she loved me and how worried she was on my account. I got her to stay with me for three more nights, then asked Yasir to accompany her to Jedda and arrange for her to cross to Egypt as comfortably and safely as possible. When the morning of her departure arrived, I handed her the purses of gold that I still had hidden, but she refused to take them, saying that I needed them much more than she.