Joshua Mohr - Fight Song

“That was how she phrased it to me, dude,” Ace says to the boy. “Your ma talks straight from the heart, and I love that about her. But she caught me off guard.”

Ace relates all this to the lad as they sit at the kitchen table, the very place where Coffen had plunked down and enjoyed Ace’s rum-soaked French toast. Ace has a guitar case across his lap, though he hasn’t opened it. Then he says to the boy, “I mean, I love your ma. You know that. You see us together. You see how I make her laugh, and once you become a man, you’ll realize there’s no greater feeling than making the woman you love laugh like crazy. I needed a few days to sort things out on my own, and now I clearly know what needs to be done.”

“Only a loser would sleep at his work,” the boy says.

“It’s a complex world, my man.”

“My real dad has a condo in Memphis.”

“Now that’s a town that loves its music.”

“My real dad owns his own plumbing business.”

“Can I talk to you honestly, big guy? Mano a mano ?” Ace seems unfazed by the boy’s hostile words, which impresses Bob. It’s no easy feat staying calm in the face of being demeaned. Not always easy to turn the other cheek if you know the next smack is coming.

Speaking of the next smack, Ace rubs his bald head, which prompts the kid to say, “Why don’t you have any hair?”

“At your age, I had a coif.”

“Will my hair fall out when I’m old?”

“Did your gramps have a good set of hair?”

“Which one?”

“Your ma’s dad.”

The kid looks petrified. “He was bald!”

“Then you too shall cross this humiliating bridge.”

Coffen cracks the seal on the rum, holds it up to offer a commiserating cheers to the humiliating bridge of baldness, and has a slug.

Calm as can be, Ace opens the guitar case, pulls out the instrument, and lays it across his lap, loosening a string. He keeps talking, “I need to put some fresh strings on for the gig tonight. And on our way to the show, I’ll take you for some Korean barbecue before we meet up with your ma. Who knew effin’ Koreans could barbecue like kings, huh?”

The boy says, “I hate barbecue.”

Ace nods and keeps winding a new guitar string tight. “Dude,” Ace says, “this is an oddball world. Look around you, look outside — it’s only getting weirder. I firmly believe that we should all boogie to our own beat. I’m a firm believer in fulfilling whatever destinies we want. I don’t believe in God or any make-believe shit — sorry, I meant to say ‘feces.’ I don’t believe in any of that. Do you forgive my swearing? Your ma hates my swearing and I’m working on it because I want to be a good partner and also a father figure. What I’m trying to say is that in life we should all make up our own rules. Make a world that’s going to make us happy. I’m making up mine. I hope you’re making up yours. I bring this up for a specific reason … ”

Ace winds the next guitar string tight, the pitch of the string getting higher as he plucks it and tightens the tuning peg.

“My real dad thinks guitars are fucking stupid.”

“You shouldn’t swear either, dude. Your ma doesn’t like it.”

Plucking, tightening.

“Fucking stupid,” the kid says.

“Anyway, here’s the message I’m trying to send to you: I love your ma. She’s the woman for me. I never thought I’d say that, never imagined myself settled down into the calm ballad of monogamy. But we change.”

Plucking and the note bends higher …

Coffen has another slug of rum.

“Let me get down to brass tacks,” says Ace. “I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we’re here together right now.”

The boy interrupts him. “You brought me here.”

“Of course. I meant that more metaphysically.”

“You picked me up from soccer and dragged me here.”

“Yes, I did. I called your ma and said I had to talk with you man to man. See, dude, I’ve been wanting to ask your ma to marry me. But only if her son approves of our union. So your ma says, ‘Poop or get off the pot.’ That’s what she’s telling me, and I know the answer clear as day.”

Ace is smiling at the boy.

The boy is not saying anything.

“The answer is that Acey shall poop,” Ace says and smiles even larger.

“Shit wherever you want. I don’t care,” the boy says. “My dad might still come back someday.”

“I don’t have to tell you how awesome your ma is,” Ace says. “I know you’ve had a hard life with your pops moving to Memphis. To be honest, Acey didn’t exactly get the red carpet treatment himself. Look closely — that’s not a silver spoon in my mouth, dude. It’s a horse’s bit. That was how my family treated me, like a dang animal with a bit in its mouth. You don’t even want to hear about an unnamed boy named Ace whose dad liked to drag him to the racetrack with him, and sometimes the old man would get so tanked that he’d leave the boy behind, this unnamed boy named Ace, forced to fend for himself until his mom finally drove to the track to pick him up. So be sure that I know hard living. I know parents who shouldn’t be allowed to have library cards, let alone children. And your pops splitting town … Jesus H, what a bastard, not that I want to speak ill of your flesh and blood. But I feel terrible for you. Your whole world was turned upside down. You’re brave for marching on. But right this second, I have to tell you, I’m glad my path crossed with you and your ma’s. I am glad we give each other shelter.”

“You freeload at our house,” the boy says.

“I think of it as being the house where we all live.”

“Then why are you sleeping here?”

Coffen can barely stand the mouth on this smart-ass kid. He needs to get yelled at, or spanked, or water-boarded. He needs consequences. It makes Bob thankful for the manners of his own children. Jane would never let them speak that way. She’s such a good mother. He has another slurp of rum.

Ace says, “This conversation is giving me the strength to come out and say it. It’s important to me that this is okay with you. I want your blessing, dude. I want to know that you see this as a good thing. It’s what she wants. We’re happy. I’m good to her. Please tell me that we have your blessing.”

Ace is plucking and tightening with another bending note moving higher. He looks hopefully at the boy, waiting for a blessing. He’s right about it being an oddball world.

“Tonight at the show,” he says to the boy, “I’m going to call her onstage and ask her to marry me. I haven’t even told the guys in the band. I want everybody to be surprised. Except you and me. We will know what’s coming. What do you think of all that?”

“Your band sucks.”

“This is a lot to ingest, I know.”

“Asking her to get married at your shitty concert is a shitty idea.”

“I’m not trying to replace your dad, my man. I want to be a good husband to your ma. She deserves that. And I bet me and you can become pretty good friends if you decide to give me a chance.”

Nothing from the boy. Just the stink-eye.

“Blink once if you caught the gist,” Ace says.

“Barry hates his stepdad. Barry says stepdads are bullshit.”

“Sure, some stepdads suck.”

“Why do you give a fuck what I think?” the boy asks.

Ace still has the huge smiley face. “Because you’re important to me.”

“Fine, ask her,” the kid says. “I don’t care what you guys do anyway.”

“Thanks, my man. I’m thrilled to have your blessing.” He says this with no bitterness or sarcasm. He says this with sincerity. Bob can’t believe it. This kid tried everything to rattle Ace and he only wound his strings, kept his cool. Coffen needs to remember that. Needs to remember the beauty of calm discourse. Ace told the boy exactly what was on his mind, the plain, whole truth, never getting sidetracked or rattled. That’s what Bob has to do with Jane: honesty without resorting to Gotthorm cracks. Honesty without self-sympathy. Honesty without playing the martyr. Honesty without irony.