Jesse Ball - A Cure for Suicide

— Now, I can draw the roots, she said.

She went then to her task, switching pencils often, and pausing to sharpen them. The claimant watched in wonder as the plant emerged on the page, very delicately. So delicately!

And then she was done.

— How could you do that? asked the claimant. How is that? How could it be?

— Do you remember which one of us suggested that I draw plants?

He shook his head.

— Well, I suggested it. That makes it very plausible that it is something I could do. You see how it is now? I wouldn’t have suggested something I couldn’t do…isn’t that true?

The claimant smiled.

— And you will teach me.

— Yes, she said. It will be a good thing for us.

23 JUNIPER LANE

The claimant and the examiner approached the house. It was precisely the same as the house they lived in, so it was very comfortable to stand there in the doorway. Surprises — there never would be any!

The door opened, and Hilda was standing there. She was wearing a short yellow dress in honor of the springtime.

— Good evening, she said. Come in, come in!

Her eyes met Martin’s and traveled over them and into them. He wondered if it had really happened or if he was imagining it. I am imagining it, he decided. It is because of what I was told.

They went into the hall and passed between the pheasant painting and the painting of the angry woman. They went to a closet and hung their coats. They were led through the passage to the dining room, and sat at the same table where the claimant had spent so much time.

— Martin will be back in a moment, said Hilda. He just ran down to the market to get some salmon for the salad.

She set out on the table a tray with some drinks.

— Here you are, Emma, and this is for you, Martin.

She left the room, then popped her head back in.

— Oh, Martin, she said, could you help me with something?

HE CAME INTO THE KITCHEN and she was standing in a sort of pose, facing him, her shoulders askance. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking right at him. He could hardly bear it.

She stepped close to him and went up on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear.

— I need to speak to you.

He could feel the length of her against his arm. The buttons on her dress pressed into his skin. That’s how close she stood.

— I need, can we meet in private? — When?

— Leave your house in the middle of the night, not tonight, but tomorrow. I’ll be outside in the street, and we can go somewhere to speak. Right after the clock strikes one.

Should he agree?

He nodded.

— WELL, WELL, WELL, said Martin. Well, well, well. This was a fine supper after all. I thought it would be just a disaster, but that market down in the square, why, it saves the day every time. You wouldn’t expect such a small market to have the things you need — but it is almost like they contrive to have only those things. The things you don’t need, they don’t have. The things you need, they have. What an idea! Why don’t all markets work that way?

Emma chuckled to herself.

— They must know you very well, she said. Maybe when they see you enter the store, they put out items just for you.

— If it’s true, said Martin, I should pay them double. What a great place this is.

He winked at the claimant. When the claimant returned his gaze, he indicated the next room with his head.

The claimant looked around. No one else had seen.

— I’m going to get a start on these dishes, said Martin.

He stood up and started collecting the plates. When Hilda got up, too, he shook his head.

— You cook, I clean, I cook, you clean. You know the rules. Fair is fair.

— I’ll help you, said the claimant.

— Now that’s some help I’ll accept.

The two men went into the next room.

HE MOTIONED MARTIN OVER to the far side, and shut the door to the kitchen.

— Do you know how Hilda and me got here?

— No, you’ve never said.

— As I understand it, this village is actually part of the Process of Villages. Hard to believe, but true, as far as it goes. In any case, just to get in, you have to take some examinations and prove that you are a decent enough person not to disturb anything. I’ll tell you a secret.

The man leaned in.

— Hilda didn’t pass.

The claimant looked at him in shock.

— But…

— Yes, she didn’t pass. Apparently she lies, and she is given to, what did they call it, precipitous actions.

— What was the test like?

— It was a week-long monitoring. You stay at a house and they watch you and send people to speak to you. After a while, they learn enough about you to make a decision.

— Did you pass?

— Of course I passed! You know me now, can you imagine I wouldn’t have passed?

— I didn’t say that, I just. Maybe it is a hard test.

— Oh no, it is easy. The easiest thing in the world. You would pass in a minute. But Hilda, well, she is a very odd young woman. It was her idea, too, to come here. She wanted to live in one of these so-called settled villages. She said the shapes were calm and comfortable. I said, the shapes of what. She said, all the shapes, the way everything there is better. So, here we are.

— But,

the claimant mulled for a moment.

— But, if she failed.

— I paid the man a large sum of money to look the other way.

The claimant turned his face away. He could scarcely believe it. He wanted to go back to the house immediately, but he felt he would be seen through. And so they sat there, quiet, for perhaps fifteen minutes.

— These fine spring days, said Martin. I could live like this forever. And I suppose we will, eh, friend?

He clapped the claimant on the back.

— I was just thinking, if you didn’t take the test, you must have come here before they started the test. Is that so? You must have been around here quite a while. You must know this little village backward and forward.

— When did they start the test?

— I don’t know — but these sorts of things, they always come up as soon as I’m the next one in line. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if they started giving them the week before we came.

Martin put rubber gloves onto his hands and turned the faucet on, twisting the hot-water knob as far as it would go. The water poured out and steam rose to the ceiling. It was blisteringly hot, but Martin didn’t flinch at all. He took each plate and thrust it into the water, without any concern for the spray. The water flushed the dishes of any and all debris. When that had been done, Martin gripped them, one by one, and scoured them with a soapy rag. As he finished each, he would hand it to the claimant, to dry and put away. The first dish the claimant received was so hot he could scarcely hold it, but he did, and he dried it with a soft white cloth and set it in the bureau behind him. In the bureau there sat row after row of perfect white plates, perfect white dishes, perfect white bowls, cups, teacups. Things of every sort were there, and it was just as it had always been. Every time that the claimant had opened such a drawer, the inside had been just the same. He loved to look at these rows of clean dishes. Why, he could…

— Martin Rueger! Another dish for you. Don’t fail me now!

The claimant wondered what Martin would tell him. He wondered why he had been brought into the kitchen. But it soon became apparent that it was just for his company — for that alone. This was an interesting idea, and one that he did not entirely understand.

Or, it wasn’t that he didn’t understand it, he decided. It was that he distrusted it. The examiner always said, distrust things that are too easy. One wants the struggle — one shouldn’t permit it to be removed.