Jonathan Dee - The Privileges

He poured himself some vodka and sat down in front of the computer. Kasey was sitting at the kitchen table writing something — paying bills, maybe? — but at least she had her pants off now, which was promising. His own apartment had a pretty Spartan look to it, which was to say that it had a couch and a flat-screen TV that were both huge and expensive, and a rug that was huge and not expensive, and that was it. Nothing on the walls. He’d bought some kind of print of the Golden Gate Bridge and hung it on the wall over the couch, but he just felt stupid and pretentious looking at it — like, do I actually give a fuck about the Golden Gate Bridge? — and he took it down. In the bedroom was a bed and a dresser and a closet, and underneath a ceiling panel in the closet was a gym bag with about a hundred and sixty thousand dollars in it. This, Devon felt, was the true source of his stomach problems, though he also wondered if that was just dramatic nonsense, if his stomach would quiet down if he ate the occasional well-balanced meal and generally just took a little better care of himself.

He went back to the kitchen to throw out the chip bag and returned with the pear-vodka bottle. The stuff tasted like Jolly Ranchers after a while. Why did he have to get stuck with all the grunt work? The money was pretty much its own answer, even though the more he made, the harder it got to figure out how to spend it, or even where to put it, without attracting attention. Jesus, just one good blowjob would go such a long way right now, he thought. There was an outcall service just a few blocks away; he had it on speed dial. He called them up and asked if Teresa was available tonight, just so he could clear his mind of the whole thing. Fuck Bantex, until tomorrow anyway. It was all that paranoia about being watched that was making him feel sick all the time. He bet the rest of them felt sick too. But no one is watching, he thought as he logged off of Kasey and put the bottle back in the freezer and picked some laundry up off the floor. He was the one doing all the watching. That’s what you paid for. I see you, but you don’t see me.

Titles were considered unimportant at Perini but a natural hierarchy evolved and was respected. Sanford’s reliance on Adam made him the de facto number two; he spent more of his time out of the office now wooing investors in the fund, drinking with them, charming them, impressing them, seducing them into confidence even after the rare misstep or during the always-brief lean times. Precisely the kind of thing Sanford himself used to do all day long — and still did, though he had less of a taste for it now, and also seemed to recognize that youth itself was part of the package that investors wanted to be sold. Sanford himself didn’t really look any older, just more dissolute, a little puffier and less put together.

No one else there begrudged Adam the boss’s favor; it was a measure of their comfort with it that they made jokes about San-ford’s obvious late-stage conversion to homosexuality at every opportunity. Every job but Adam’s and Bill Brennan’s had turned over at least once since Adam had arrived there; Parker had finally been belittled into quitting almost three years ago, and since he’d stopped coming to basketball, Adam had no idea what had become of him. The office’s basic fraternal atmosphere was unchanged. Most of them were younger than Adam now, but he could still outrun them and outlift them and outdrink them and while they honored his status as their superior, in every important way he fit right in. Still, there was of course something momentous about his very presence in that office that none of them even suspected, and their not knowing sharpened the borderline Adam prized between his own character and theirs.

Friday afternoons at work tended to devolve into a head start on the younger employees’ bachelor weekends, with beer and foosball tournaments and a general disengagement from their adrenalized professional selves; usually the last hour of work was turned over to discussions of why the bar they went to last Friday sucked and which one they should try tonight instead, but on one particular spring afternoon they managed to talk Adam into coming with them to some catered event they knew about that was taking place inside the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. A fund-raiser for something or other. Brennan had tickets and they all wanted Adam’s company so badly that they even offered to pay for him. “I cannot get too hammered,” Adam said. “Tomorrow’s my son’s birthday.” Something else to drink to. They took over one of the round tables on the bare stage and there they met their waitress, whose name was Gretchen. Gretchen was provocatively tattooed and reluctantly conceded that she was an actress and would not tell them her age, which led to a general consensus that she was no more than twenty-two.

“God, I love me some of that hipster pussy,” Brennan said.

“Because they hate you. That’s why.”

“Yes,” he said. “Yes. Because she hates me. That is precisely why.”

They kept ordering more drinks so that Gretchen would have to return to their table, and each time she stopped there they did a clumsier job of chatting her up. They thought their own artlessness was hilarious. Gretchen knew better than to flirt back, but she was enough of a pro, Adam saw, not to let her contempt for these guys show either. The tips were becoming outrageous.

Somehow a serious betting pool took shape around the question of whether Gretchen’s tongue was pierced. She came back with a round of Maker’s for everyone but Adam. It impressed him that she wasn’t a little frightened of them by now. “Gretchen,” Brennan said earnestly, “I don’t want this to come out wrong, but if you open wide and say Aaah, you will make me a rich man.”

“You gentlemen have a good night,” Gretchen said, smiling. She cleared the last of their glasses and walked away. A few minutes later Adam stood up to go home, prompting a wave of questions about the staunchness of his heterosexuality. Instead of heading out the theater gate, though, he turned and went underneath the grandstand, where the kitchen and bar setups were, and when he found her, she rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Pay no attention to me,” he said. “I’m counting your tattoos.”

“Well, you won’t get an accurate count,” she said.

“I’m a very busy man. I have to get back to the table soon because I’m in charge of the centerpieces. We’re planting them in the Sheep Meadow. So I just need your phone number and I’ll be on my way.”

She turned and looked at him, her head at an inquisitive angle, and he could tell she was amused not by anything he’d said but by something else about him. “How drunk are you?” she said.

“Not at all. I just have to see you again. I don’t want to live in a world where women like you are never seen again.”

She stared at him as the bartender loaded up her tray. “Oh, this,” he said, grabbing his ring finger, “this comes right off.”

She laughed. “Leave it on,” she said. “I like married guys. Keeps things on a basic level. You’re happily married, am I right?”

“Extremely,” he said.

She pulled his hand toward her and wrote a phone number on it. “Wow,” Adam said. “What a world.”

The sun set in front of him as he walked west out of the park, the long shadows behind him gradually merging into nothing. He took his time; it was probably one of the five most beautiful nights of the year. In the rare moments when he stepped back and thought about it at all, it was vital to Adam’s conception of his professional life that he wasn’t stealing from anybody. There was nothing zero-sum about the world of capital investment: you created wealth where there was no wealth before, and if you did it well enough there was no end to it. What Adam did was just an initiative based on that idea, an unusually bold manifestation of it. Why should he be restricted — or, worse, restrict himself — from finding a way to act on what he was enterprising enough to know and to synthesize? It took leadership skills as well, because you couldn’t pull off something like this by yourself even if you wanted to. In order to minimize the risk he had to command the total trust and loyalty of Devon and the handful of his friends he’d brought in on it from brokerages around the city. And that he had done. Devon had turned out to be a young man prone to anxiety but whenever he seemed close to the point of bailing, five minutes together was enough for Adam to reassure him they still had the whole thing safely in hand.