Jonathan Dee - The Privileges

Which could sometimes give rise to a sort of loneliness; but today Cynthia was just as glad to come home and find nobody else there. It was still well before five, so she called their accountant; she knew he would have taken a call from her no matter the time, but she liked to be considerate about it. She asked if he would please handle a wire transfer for her, a small one, just ten thousand, but it was important that it be done right away.

“Charles Sikes,” she said.

She heard him typing; he wore one of those phone headsets, like only receptionists used to wear. “Same account as before?”

“Same bank, different city,” she said, and dug a folded, typed letter out of her pocket and read him the number. He took it down, and then as he always did he asked after her kids, whom he’d never met but knew in his way, and then they said goodbye.

Still no one home. The winter sky outside the living room was just beginning to gray. She opened up a bottle of wine, took one cigarette out of the pack she kept hidden behind the leather-bound volume of wedding photos on the bookshelf, put her coat back on, and stood outside on the balcony that overlooked the planetarium. She spent maybe twenty minutes that way, looking down on the still planets, listening to the symphony of faint sounds that passed for silence. Then, in a spirit of beneficence, she opened up the cell phone again and called her mother.

Ruth seemed almost miffed to hear from her, though no more miffed than she was by anything that rose up unexpectedly in her day without giving her adequate time to prepare. “We are doing as well as can be expected,” she said. “Warren’s health is not good, as you know.”

She didn’t know; or maybe she did — in her mother’s conversations it was hard to separate fact from dire prediction. “Well, tell him I hope he feels better.”

“How are the children?”

“They’re great. So busy I hardly see them anymore. The amount of schoolwork they have is just brutal.” There was a pause, and somehow Cynthia knew what was supposed to go there. “I’m sorry we haven’t been able to get out there to visit.”

“Probably not the best time for a visit anyway,” Ruth said.

“You’re right,” Cynthia said, misunderstanding her. “It’s impossible to get away. Sometimes I wonder why they have to work so hard. But then just last week I was in this public school in East Harlem—”

“Good Lord, why?”

“This charity I work with. We were dedicating a computer lab. Anyway, you wouldn’t believe—”

“Your education was always very important to me,” Ruth said. “That came first.”

Cynthia laughed affrontedly and took another quick drag. “Are you joking?” she said, exhaling. “Dirksen? That place was like a drug bazaar. There was an English teacher there who killed herself over Christmas break. Remember that? It’s a miracle I learned a fucking thing at that place.”

Ruth closed her eyes. She was trying to get some dinner ready, even though Warren probably wouldn’t eat any of it; he was so sick he hadn’t been out of the living room chair all day except to go to the bathroom, and even for that he had to call out to her. She missed part of what Cynthia was saying because when he got a coughing jag it was so heart-wrenching that she couldn’t hear anything else. “I don’t know what you expected me to do about it,” she said. “There certainly wasn’t money for private school. It was hard enough to hold on to the house those years.”

“There are ways,” Cynthia said, tossing her cigarette over the edge of the patio railing, hearing a key turn in the front door inside. “It’s just a matter of where your priorities are.”

“Well, anyway,” Ruth said. “You certainly managed to land on your feet.”

Me: SWM, 27—Big Mets fan, good income, not afraid of adventure. Willing to think long term, or, if you prefer, NSA. You: athletic, 19–24, long hair. Not afraid to act if the moment seems right. Send photo, plz.

He left out, of course, any references to his face, specifically his nose, because while some women were into it, most, he found, were not. But that seemed fair, since he hadn’t mentioned anything about what he liked or didn’t like in a face either — those faint mustaches, for instance, which were a total dealbreaker. He hit Send and switched back to the streaming video of Kasey in her apartment in California. Maybe it was California. The windows were always covered, so she might have been in Bayside for all any of her subscribers really knew. Right now she was in the kitchen making herself some kind of smoothie. There was a laptop on the kitchen counter near the blender, as there was in every room of Kasey’s house, and so she could see, as he saw, the requests typed in by feverish guys: Take off your top. Mmm how’s that taste? It was pretty embarrassing. He’d stopped communicating with Kasey himself months ago, but he still watched her, and the meter still ran on his credit card.

Would like blowjob without paying for it is what his personal ad should have read, that is if there were any such thing as an honest personal ad. People said that there were women out there, maybe not a lot but some, who thought the way guys did, but that had to be a myth. The truth was, he had zero interest in thinking long term — that was just one of those things you had to say if you wanted to get any responses at all. He was just so on edge all the time, but that tension could, if you willed it, channel itself into the sexual and thus could be relieved. It always worked, and it never worked for long. He had a lot of stress in his life to fight off.

And as if to punish him for letting that thought into his head, the cell phone rang in his bedroom. He had three cells, actually — they were lined up on top of his dresser — but he could tell from the ring that it was the disposable.

“Devon, what’s up,” Adam said, but it didn’t sound like a question. “So we have some Bantex, right? Financial services? Start shorting it. We can take our time, though. We have a couple of months. So go slowly. Spread it out.”

That was always his mantra: spread it out. No more than a certain number of shares in one transaction, because anything over that number supposedly tripped SEC radar.

“Huh,” Devon said. “How about that. I was just reading that they were doing really well.”

A silence.

“I know, I know,” Devon said. “The less I know, the better.” Adam sounded like he was in a taxi. “So what shall we talk about, then? How’s the family?”

Adam laughed, not unkindly. “They’re good, thanks. Listen, you know we shouldn’t stay on any longer than we have to. I’m sure a single guy like you has got plans, anyway.”

“Mos def. I have a date.”

“My man,” Adam said. “Enjoy.” He hung up. He was so fucking cool all the time. In one way it would have made Devon feel better to hear, even just once, a little panic in his voice, but in other ways it would have made him feel infinitely worse. It was like high school all over again with that guy. He was one of those alphas, master of every situation, receiver of every gift, one of those guys you made merciless fun of until the day he actually brought you inside the circle and then you turned into a simpering little bitch. They saw each other very rarely — maybe three or four times in the last year — but in the aftermath Devon always felt humiliated by how slavishly he had said yes to everything.

He put the phone down on the dresser and went back to the screen, but Kasey was in the bathroom; there were cameras in there too, of course, but he scowled and went to the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat. Some people were into some perverse shit.

They’d brought in a couple of other people — they’d had to, to keep things sufficiently spread out — friends of his from the old boiler-room days on Long Island who now worked at more legit houses. They’d set up accounts for one another’s aunts, cousins, whatever they could get documentation for, and siphoned the trades through there. To most of these guys Devon himself was the ringleader, the mastermind, though without a tip to act on, of course, they were all nothing but a group of enlisted men with a willingness to get ahead. His stomach felt like shit again. Maybe because he hadn’t eaten anything, but that, he was reminded as he opened and closed the freezer a couple more times, was only because there was fuck all to eat around here. He took the bottle of pear vodka out of the freezer instead, and in the cabinet it turned out there was still half a bag of salt-and-vinegar potato chips. Presto. Dinner.