Tash Aw - Map of the Invisible World

There was a song playing in the elevator as they went up to the restaurant, an American song that was always on the radio. Johan did not know what it was called, or who the singer was, he just recognized bits of the chorus. It was something like can’t get used to lovin’ you , or losin’ you , he was not sure which. There was a young Chinese couple in the elevator with them. The woman knew all the words but the man only knew the last part. He sang it out of tune, in a voice like a child’s, and she giggled. You-oo. You-oo . Her hair was thick and glossy and set in an arc that came down one side of her face, ending in a curled tip. Her lashes were heavy and her eyes outlined in black. Johan thought, She wants to look like Chan Po-Chu or some other Hong Kong singer. She was laughing gaily and looking up at the ceiling of the elevator as if she was looking at the sky, as if there was no roof above them and she could see the moon, or perhaps flocks of birds flying across the night sky.

There was a table already set for them right by the glass walls that offered a panorama of the lights in this darkening city. Not long ago, on a holiday by the sea, Johan had gone swimming on his own, late at night when everyone else was asleep. He had crept out of their beachside chalet and walked into the warm, clear water and swum over the fields of coral, which, in the moonlight, looked like a shadowy map of an unknown world where the boundaries were uncertain and the countries kept changing shape. And when he went deeper still, beyond the shallows where the water was black, he had seen clusters of fluorescent light, and he had thought maybe these were pearls or sea creatures, or maybe it was light from the sky, refracted in funny ways. When he came back, Farah was waiting for him, sitting on the sand with her legs crossed. She said, It’s dangerous to go out there on your own, but she said it gently, as if she didn’t mean it, and then she asked what he had seen, and Johan told her about the brilliant lights in the dark, fathomless sea. Come and see them, he said, but she didn’t dare, even though she wanted to. He could not stop thinking about those lights. Even now.

Hello, Mister, can you stop staring at the lights for a second? I know it’s a nice view but you can at least look at your mummy once in a while. Anyone would think you’ve never been out in town at night. What on earth do you do every night, anyway? I ask Farah and she says, Oh, Mummy, don’t worrylah , we just go to the movies, relax at the hawker stalls with our friends. Relax, my foot. I know you don’t just drink teh-tarik when you go out. Every time I see my friends I’m worried they’re going to say something about you, especially that Mrs. Teo, she loves saying things like, Wah, I hear your boy Johan is very popular with the girls, huh? I can’t stand that. Oh, Johan, what am I going to do? You were always such a good boy.

Beneath them the city seemed to be moving, slowly, the lights blinking, the shadows shifting. Johan felt tired and slightly ill. He needed to move. He needed to be in a car, going fast, not sitting here at this table.

And besides, Johan, kids are getting into trouble every night, good children from good families, not just naughty boys from Selayang. The FRU are beating people up left, right, and center just because they feel like it. After dark they treat everyone the same, whether you’re a gangster or a normal teenager. Can you imagine the shame if … if something happened to you? Daddy’s position would be … oh I don’t even want to think about it.

I won’t get into trouble. I promise. Don’t worry, Mummy.

Oh, baby, Mummy’s not saying you do anything naughty, I’m just saying be careful , that’s all. Now, what looks good? This place is brand-new, just opened. For two weeks I’ve been saying to your daddy, Please can you take me to that new place? But he says no, too expensive. Ridiculous! Look how he spends on other things. Just order anything you want. We’re going to have a nice time. Australian steak for you? Shall I have lobster thermidor?

Anything. Please order for me.

Look, look! Can you see? The restaurant really is revolving!

Yes, Mummy, I can feel it. It was a lie. He could not feel it moving.

Wow, look at the view, Johan. When Daddy and I moved here just after the war there was nothing here — nothing! Now look at it. Just in the last ten years, my god what a change. When you were a little boy this was just a big kampung , can you remember?

The food arrived and he ate it even though he was not hungry. He cut into the meat carefully and watched the knife slicing slowly through the bloodless flesh. He dabbed at his mouth with the corners of his napkin now and then and poured some ice water into his mother’s glass.

It’s so nice to be out to dinner with you. Sometimes Mummy just needs to show you how much she loves you. You’ve always been my special one. My perfect son.

You’ve got Bob too.

Yes, Bob, of course. But Bob came after you. You were my baby, just mine. Anyway, I don’t know why Daddy started calling him Bob when he was a baby. Darling, I said, we call Johan Johan and Farah Farah, why do we call Hisham Bob? But he just, well, you know what he’s like. Sometimes you know when not to argue.

He loves Bob. Bob’s his real son — he looks just like him.

Don’t say that, darling. Daddy loves you too.

You know he doesn’t. Don’t pretend he does. He hates me. He hates even looking at me.

It hurts me to hear you talk like that. I wish you weren’t so angry with your daddy and me all the time. Take it back.

Why did you adopt me?

Oh, darling, we promised we would never talk about that again. Why do we always have to go over the past? All that history, it’s another world, baby, it doesn’t exist anymore. Why do you keep bringing it up?

I like hearing about it. Don’t know why. I keep thinking, maybe one day you’ll tell me something different. Sorry, Mummy, I’m not angry with you. Please tell me, it makes me feel better.

You know I couldn’t have babies for a long time. We tried so hard, and all Daddy’s family were saying, When is Salmah going to have a baby? When is Salmah going to have a baby? as if it was my fault. That’s when we went to Indonesia. We have to go somewhere far far away, Daddy said. I don’t know why. Daddy didn’t speak to me for the whole journey there. There, I never told you that before. But when I saw you, I knew. I knew I found my baby, my very own son.

Okay, I’m sorry I asked. Don’t cry, Mummy. I don’t want you to be unhappy.

The restaurant did not seem to be revolving at all. Johan looked out the window and saw that nothing had changed. The patches of light were no longer moving. Johan looked at the silhouette of the hills in the distance, the rise and fall of the slopes, and thought maybe if he stared long and hard he would see them move sinuously, like the dragon-shaped lanterns the Chinese kids would hang during the Autumn Festival; they would light candles and place them in the hollowed-out dragon bellies so that they flickered and shifted and cast funny, silken shadows on the walls. But he knew the hills and the city would not move, no matter how hard he tried.

Mummy, he said in a softer voice, will you tell me again about my brother?

No, please, Johan, I can’t stand talking about that. Oh my god. She wiped her eyes with a thin handkerchief. It makes me feel sick remembering how — oh — how he … It makes me sick … lucky you didn’t see. Anyway, Bob is your brother, your only brother. Don’t you forget that, darling.

Okay. I’m sorry, Mummy.

I don’t think I can finish my food now. It’s too much for me.

Are you sure, Mummy? It looks very good. Mine is delicious.