Toshikazu Kawaguchi - Before the Coffee Gets Cold

‘Yeah.’

‘Really? What on earth for?’

The Kei of the past had no idea about what happened. It was a straight question, innocently asked.

‘Oh, I’ve just come to see my sister.’ Hirai wasn’t in a position to lie. She tightened her grip on the letter she held in her lap.

‘The one who is always coming to persuade you to come home?’

‘That’s the one.’

‘Well, that makes a change! Aren’t you normally trying to avoid her?’

‘Well not today… Today, I’m going to see her.’

Hirai did her best to reply cheerfully. She had meant to laugh, but her eyes were not laughing. She was unable to produce a single twinkle. She didn’t know where to direct her gaze, either. If Kei got a good look at her, she would see straight through her. Even now, she knew that Kei could sense that something was wrong.

‘Did something happen?’ Kei asked in a whisper.

She couldn’t say anything for a while. Then in an unconvincing tone she said, ‘Oh nothing. Nothing.’

Water flows from high places to low places. That is the nature of gravity. Emotions also seem to act according to gravity. When in the presence of someone with whom you have a bond, and to whom you have entrusted your feelings, it is hard to lie and get away with it. The truth just wants to come flowing out. This is especially the case when you are trying to hide your sadness or vulnerability. It is much easier to conceal sadness from a stranger, or from someone you don’t trust. Hirai saw Kei as a confidante with whom she could share anything. The emotional gravity was strong. Kei was able to accept anything – forgive anything – that Hirai let flow out. A single kind word from Kei could cut the cords of tension that ran through her.

At that moment, it would have been enough for Kei to say just one more kind thing and the truth would have come pouring out. Kei was looking at her with concern. Hirai could tell, even without looking, and was therefore desperately avoiding looking at her.

Kei came out from behind the counter, bothered by Hirai’s reluctance to look at her.

Just then the bell rang.

‘Hello, welcome!’ said Kei, coming to a standstill as she automatically called out to the entrance.

But Hirai knew it was Kumi. The hands of the middle wall clock said it was three o’clock, and Hirai knew that the middle clock was the only one of the three that showed the correct time. This was the time that Kumi had visited the cafe three days earlier.

On that day, Hirai had been forced to hide behind the counter. The arrangement of the cafe – located in a basement with only one entrance – left her no choice. The only way in or out was via the stairs that led to the street. Hirai always turned up at the cafe after lunchtime. She would order coffee, chat with Kei, and then head off for work. That day, she had stood up from her seat, planning to open her bar early. She remembered looking at the middle wall clock to check the time: exactly three o’clock. A little early, but she thought she might try her hand at making some snacks for a change. She had finished paying for coffee and was just about to leave. She actually had her hand on the door when she heard Kumi’s voice from the top of the stairs.

Kumi was coming down while talking to someone on the phone. In a panic, Hirai doubled back into the cafe and ran to hide behind the counter. Clang-dong , the bell rang. Hirai glimpsed Kumi entering the room as she ducked down. That was the story of her not meeting her sister three days earlier.

Now, Hirai was sitting in that seat, waiting for Kumi to come walking in. She realized she couldn’t imagine what clothes Kumi would be wearing. She hadn’t seen her face properly for years, in fact, she couldn’t remember the last time she had. It made her realize just how consistently she had avoided her sister’s visits. Now, her chest was full of regret. The pain intensified as she recalled the lowly tactics she had employed to avoid meeting her.

But right there in that moment, she could not allow herself to cry. She had never once cried in front of her sister. That meant Kumi would not consider it normal if she broke down in front of her now. She would want to know if something had happened. Put in that position, Hirai thought she would crumble. Despite knowing that the present would not change, she would nevertheless say, ‘ You have a car crash, take the train home! ’ or ‘ Don’t go home today! ’ But that would be the worst thing that she could say. She would end up being the harbinger of death, upsetting Kumi beyond measure. She had to avoid that happening at all costs. Causing her further suffering was the last thing she wanted to do. She took a deep breath to try to calm her unwieldy emotions.

‘Big Sis?’

Hearing that voice, Hirai’s heart skipped a beat. It was Kumi’s voice, a voice she’d thought she would never hear again. She slowly opened her eyes to see her sister at the entrance looking back at her.

‘Hi there…’ Hirai lifted her hand, waved and smiled as widely as she could. The strained look that she had been wearing was gone. But in her lap, clenched in her left hand, was the letter. Kumi stared at her.

Hirai could understand her confusion. Until now, every time Hirai had seen her, she made no effort to hide her awkwardness. She normally adopted a coldness to convey to her that she just wanted her to hurry up and leave. But this time was different. She was actually looking at Kumi and giving her a full-faced smile. Usually reluctant to even make eye contact, she was now looking at her and nothing else.

‘Wow… This is strange. What’s up with you today?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, in all these years, you’ve never been so easy to find.’

‘You think?’

‘I know!’

‘Oh, Kumi, I’m sorry about that,’ Hirai said, shrugging her shoulders.

Kumi slowly approached her, as if she was starting to feel more comfortable with her apparent change of heart.

‘Um. Could I order, please? I’d like a coffee, some toast, and then curry rice and a mixed parfait?’ she called out to Kei, who was standing behind the counter.

‘I’ll get right on it,’ Kei said, glancing briefly over at Hirai.

Recognizing the Hirai she knew, she seemed much more at ease as she disappeared into the kitchen.

‘Can I sit here?’ Kumi asked Hirai hesitantly, as she pulled out the chair.

‘Of course,’ Hirai replied with a smile.

Elated, Kumi broke into a smile. Taking the chair opposite, she slowly sat down.

For a while neither talked. They just looked at each other. Kumi kept fidgeting and couldn’t seem to relax. Hirai just kept looking at her, happy just to stare. Kumi returned her steady gaze.

‘It’s definitely pretty strange today,’ she mumbled.

‘How so?’

‘It feels like something we haven’t done for ages… just sitting here looking at each other…’

‘We haven’t?’

‘Oh, come on. Last time I came, I was standing at your front door and you wouldn’t let me in. The time before that you ran away with me chasing after you. Before that, you crossed the street to avoid me, and then before that…’

‘Pretty awful, wasn’t it?’ Hirai agreed.

She knew that Kumi could keep on going on. It was obvious what was really happening – when she pretended not to be home when her apartment lights were on, when she acted like she was really drunk and said, ‘Who are you?’ pretending that she didn’t recognize her. She never read Kumi’s letters, she just threw them away. Even the very last letter. She was an awful big sis.

‘Well that’s how you are.’

‘I’m sorry, Kumi. I’m really sorry,’ Hirai said, poking her tongue out, trying to lift the mood.