Toshikazu Kawaguchi: Before the Coffee Gets Cold

Of course, there was nothing concrete to suggest that it had been his mistake. It was simply that if the project was going to be liable for a big loss, it was convenient for it to be someone’s fault. As he was the one who was missing, he became the scapegoat, and naturally Fumiko was among those who suspected him. But on the fourth day of no contact, he suddenly appeared with the news that he had found the bug.

He hadn’t shaved, and he didn’t smell very nice, but no one even considered giving him a hard time for that. Judging by his exhausted face, he probably hadn’t even slept. While every other member of the team, including Fumiko, had decided it was too difficult and simply given up, Goro had succeeded in solving the problem. It was nothing less than a miracle. By taking leave without permission and not contacting anyone about it, he had violated basic rules that applied to any company employee. Yet he had demonstrated a commitment to his work that was greater than anyone else’s, and he had succeeded as a programmer where no one else could.

After Fumiko expressed her heartfelt gratitude and apologized for thinking even for an instant that it was his mistake, Goro simply smiled as she bowed her head.

‘All right then, perhaps you could buy me a coffee?’ he said.

That was the moment Fumiko fell in love.

After successfully delivering the system, their new postings were at different companies, and she hardly saw him. But she believed in getting things done. Whenever she could spare the time, she would take him to different places, each time on the pretext of buying him a coffee.

Goro’s approach to work was obsessive. When he started working towards a goal, he wouldn’t see anything else. Fumiko first learned that TIP-G had its headquarters in America when she visited his home. He talked so enthusiastically about working for TIP-G, and it made her worry. When his dream comes true, which will he choose: his dream or me? I mustn’t think like that, there’s no comparison. But gosh…

Then, little by little, it became clearer to her how big a loss it would be. She could no longer bring herself to try to ascertain how he felt about her. Time passed, and that spring, he finally got an offer to work at TIP-G. His dream had come true.

Fumiko’s anxiety was justified. Goro had chosen to go to America. He had chosen his dream. She had learned this a week ago, at this cafe. Now she opened her eyes feeling disorientated, as if waking from a dream.

The sensation that she was a spirit, shimmering and swirling like steam, now left her, and she began to regain awareness of her limbs. In a panic, she felt her body and face, to make sure it was herself who had appeared. When she came to her senses, a man was there before her, watching her strange behaviour, puzzled.

It was Goro, unless she was mistaken. Goro, who was meant to be in America, was there before her eyes. She really had returned to the past. She understood the puzzlement on his face. There was no doubt that she had returned to a week ago. The inside of the cafe was just how she remembered it.

The man called Fusagi had a magazine spread out on the table closest to the door. Hirai was sitting at the counter, and Kazu was there. And opposite her was Goro, at the same table where they had been. But just one thing was wrong – the seat in which Fumiko sat.

A week ago, she had been sitting facing Goro. Now, however, she was in the seat of the woman in the dress. She was still facing Goro, but they were now one table apart. He’s so far away. His puzzled look was completely justified.

But unnatural or not, she couldn’t leave her seat. That was one of the rules. But what if he asks why I am sitting here? What should I say? Fumiko gulped at the thought.

‘Oh gosh, is that the time? Sorry, I have to go.’

Goro may have looked perplexed, but despite their now unnatural seating positions, he had said the exact words she had heard a week ago. This must be an unspoken rule when travelling back to the past.

‘Ah, that’s OK. That’s OK. You don’t have any more time, do you? I don’t have much time either.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry.’

They weren’t on the same page and the conversation wasn’t going anywhere. Although she knew the moment she had returned to, Fumiko was still confused – it was, after all, the first time she had returned to the past.

To give herself time to settle, she took a sip of the coffee while looking up from under her brows to observe Goro’s expression.

Oh no! The coffee is already lukewarm! It will be cold in no time!

Fumiko was dismayed. At this temperature, she could already have gulped it down. This was an unexpected setback. She scowled at Kazu. She hated the way Kazu permanently wore such a deadpan expression. But that was not all…

‘Ugh… So bitter.’

The taste was even bitterer than she had anticipated. It was the bitterest coffee she had ever drunk. Goro looked confused at hearing Fumiko’s strange utterance.

Rubbing above his right eyebrow, Goro looked at his watch. He was worried about the time. Fumiko understood that. She was in a hurry too.

‘Um… I have something important to say,’ she said hurriedly.

Fumiko shovelled sugar into her cup from the sugar pot placed in front of her. Then, after adding a fair amount of milk, she clinked and clanged her cup with her spoon with her vigorous stirring.

‘What?’ Goro frowned.

Fumiko wasn’t sure if the frown was because she was adding too much sugar, or because he didn’t want to talk about anything important just then.

‘What I mean is… I want to talk about this properly.’

Goro looked at his watch.

‘Hang on a sec…’ Fumiko took a sip of the coffee that she had sweetened. She nodded in approval. She hadn’t drunk coffee until she met Goro. It had been the pretext of buying him a coffee that led to their dates. The curious sight of Fumiko, who hated coffee, frantically adding a tremendous amount of sugar and milk earned her a wry smile from Goro.

‘Hey, this is a serious situation, and you’re just smirking at me drinking coffee.’

‘No I’m not.’

‘You blatantly are! You can’t deny it, I can tell by looking at your face.’

Fumiko regretted interrupting the flow of the conversation. She had gone to the effort of returning to the past, and now it was going the same way as a week earlier. She was again chasing him away with her childish talk.

Goro got up from his seat, looking agitated. He called to Kazu behind the counter.

‘Excuse me… How much, please?’ He reached for the bill.

Fumiko knew that if she didn’t do something, Goro would pay and then leave. ‘Wait!’

‘It’s fine, let’s leave it at that.’

‘This isn’t what I came to say.’

‘What?’

( Don’t go. )

‘Why didn’t you talk about it with me?’

( I don’t want you to go. )

‘Well, that’s…’

‘I know how much your work means to you. I don’t necessarily mind if you go to America. I won’t stand in the way.’

( I thought we were going to be together for ever. )

‘But, at least…’

( Was it only me thinking that? )

‘I wanted you to discuss it with me. You know, it’s pretty despicable just deciding without talking about it…’

( I really, truly… )

‘That’s just… well, you know.’

(… loved you. )

‘It makes me feel forgotten…’

‘…’

‘What I wanted to say was…’

‘…’

( Not that it’s going to change anything… )

‘Well… I just wanted to say that.’

Fumiko had planned to speak honestly – after all, it wouldn’t change the present. But she couldn’t say it. She felt that saying it would be to admit defeat. She would have hated herself for saying anything like, Which do you choose – work or me? Until she had met Goro, she had always put work first. It was the last thing that she wanted to say. She also didn’t want to be talking like a parody of a woman, especially to a boyfriend three years her junior – she had her pride. She also was perhaps jealous that his career had overtaken her own. So she hadn’t spoken honestly. Anyhow… it was too late.