Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

But ’tis time to have done with him; once I had nothing to hope for, but to see him again; now my only Felicity was, if possible, never to see him, and, above all, to keep him from seeing me; which, as above, I took effectual Care of.

I was now return’d to Paris ; my little Son of Honour , as I cali’d him, was left at —, where my last Country Seat then was, and I came to Paris , at the Prince’s Request; thither he came to me as soon as I arriv’d, and told me, he came to give me Joy of my Return, and to make his Acknowledgments, for that I had given him a SON: I thought indeed, he had been going to give me a Present, and so he did the next Day, but in what he said then, he only jested with me: He gave me his Company all the Evening; Supp’d with me about Midnight, and did me the Honour, as I then call’d it, to lodge me in his Arms all the Night, telling me, in jest, that the best Thanks for a Son born, was giving the Pledge for another.

But as I hinted, so it was, the next Morning he laid me down, on my Toilet, a Purse with 300 Pistoles: I saw him lay it down, and understood what he meant, but I took no Notice of it, till I came to it (as it were) casually; then I gave a great Cry-out, and fell a-scolding in my Way, for he gave me all possible Freedom of Speech, on such Occasions: I told him, he was unkind; that he would never give me an Opportunity to ask him for any thing; and that he forc’d me to Blush, by being too much oblig’d, and the like ; all which I knew was very agreeable to him; for as he was Bountiful, beyond Measure, so he was infinitely oblig’d by my being so backward to ask any Favours; and I was even with him, for I never ask’d him for a Farthing in my Life.

Upon this rallying him, he told me, I had either perfectly studied the Art of Humour, or else, what was the greatest Difficulty to others, was Natural to me; adding, That nothing cou’d be more obliging to a Man of Honour, than not to be sollicing and craving.

I told him, nothing cou’d be craving upon him; that he left no room for it; that I hop’d he did not give, meerly to avoid the Trouble of being importun’d; I told him, he might depend upon it, that I should be reduc’d very low indeed, before I offer’d to disturb him that Way.

He said, a Man of Honour ought always to know what he ought to do; and as he did nothing but what he knew was reasonable, he gave me Leave to be free with him, if I wanted any thing; that he had too much Value for me, to deny me any thing, if I ask’d; but that it was infinitely agreeable to him to hear me say, that what he did, was to my Satisfaction.

We strain’d Compliments thus a great while, and as he had me in his Arms most Part of the Time, so upon all my Expressions of his Bounty to me, he put a Stop to me with his Kisses, and wou’d admit me to go on no farther.

I should in this Place mention, that this Prince was not a Subject of France , tho’ at that Time he resided at Paris , and was much at Court, where, I suppose, he had or expected some considerable Employment: But I mention it on this Account; that a few Days after this, he came to me, and told me, he was come to bring me not the most welcome News that ever I heard from him in his Life; I look’d at him, a little surpriz’d; but he return’d, Do not be uneasie, it is as unpleasant to me, as to you, but I come to consult with you about it, and see, if it cannot be made a little easie to us both.

I seem’d still more concern’d, and surpriz’d; at last he said, it was, that he believ’d he should be oblig’d to go into Italy ; which tho’ otherwise it was very agreeable to him, yet his parting with me, made it a very dull thing but to think of.

I sat mute, as one Thunder-struck, for a good-while; and it presantly occur’d to me, that I was going to lose him, which, indeed, I cou’d but ill bear the Thoughts of; and as he told me, I turn’d pale: What’s the Matter? said he, hastily ; I have surpriz’d you, indeed; and stepping to the Side-Board, fills a Dram of Cordial-Water, [127] Cordial-Water : an alcoholic stimulant (for the heart). (which was of his own bringing) and comes to me, Be not surpriz’d, said he , I’ll go no-where without you; adding several other things so kind, as nothing could exceed it.

I might, indeed, turn pale, for I was very much surpriz’d at first, believing that this was, as it often happens in such Cases, only a Project to drop me, and break off an Amour, which he had now carried on so long; and a thousand Thoughts whirl’d about my Head in the few Moments while I was kept in suspence; (for they were but a few) I say, I was indeed, surpriz’d, and might, perhaps, look pale; but I was not in any Danger of Fainting, that I knew of.

However, it not a little pleas’d me, to see him so concern’d and anxious about me; but I stopp’d a little, when he put the Cordial to my Mouth, and taking the Glass in my Hand, I said , My Lord, your Words are infinitely more of a Cordial to me, than this Citron; [128] Citron : citron-water, a liquor made from brandy flavoured with lemon-peel. for as nothing can be a greater Affliction, than to lose you, so nothing can be a greater Satisfaction than the Assurance, that I shall not have that Misfortune.

He made me sit down, and sat down by me, and after saying a thousand kind things to me; he turns upon me, with a Smile, Why, will you venture yourself to Italy with me? says he ; I stopp’d a-while, and then answer’d, that I wonder’d he would ask me that Question; for I would go any-where in the World, or all over the World, wherever he shou’d desire me, and give me the Felicity of his Company.

Then he enter’d into a long Account of the Occasion of his Journey, and how the King had Engag’d him to go, and some other Circumstances, which are not proper to enter into here; it being by no means proper to say anything, that might lead the Reader into the least Guess at the Person.

But to cut short this Part of the Story, and the History of our Journey, and Stay abroad, which would almost fill up a Volume of itself, I say, we spent all that Evening in chearful Consultations about the Manner of our Travelling; the Equipage and Figure he shou’d go in; and in what Manner I shou’d go: Several Ways were propos’d, but none seem’d feasible; till, at last, I told him, I thought it wou’d be so troublesome, so expensive, and so publick, that it wou’d be many Ways inconvenient to him; and tho’ it was a kind of Death to me, to lose him, yet that rather than so very much perplex his Affairs, I wou’d submit to any-thing.

At the next Visit I fill’d his Head with the same Difficulties, and then, at last, came over him with a Proposal, that I wou’d stay in Paris , or where else he shou’d direct; and when I heard of his safe Arrival, wou’d come away by myself, and place myself as near him as I cou’d.

This gave him no Satisfaction at-all; nor wou’d he hear any more of it; but if I durst venture myself, as he call’d it, such a Journey, he wou’d not lose the Satisfaction of my Company; and as for the Expence, that was not to be nam’d, neither, indeed, was there room to name it; for I found, that he travell’d at the KING’S Expence, as well for himself, as for all his Equipage; being upon a Piece of secret Service of the last Importance.

But after several Debates between ourselves, he came to this Resulution, viz . that he wou’d travel Incognito , and so he shou’d avoid all publick Notice, either of himself, or of who went with him; and that then he shou’d not only carry me with him, but have a perfect Leisure of enjoying my agreeable Company, (as he was pleas’d to call it) all the Way.