Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

Amy , however, less vicious than I, was grievously out of Sorts the next Morning, and cry’d, and took-on most vehemently; that she was ruin’d and undone, and there was no pacifying her; she was a Whore, a Slut, and she was undone! undone! and cry’d almost all Day; I did all I could to pacify her: A Whore! says I , well, and am not I a Whore as well as you? No, no, says Amy , no, you are not, for you are Marry’d; not I, Amy, says I , I do not pretend to it; he may Marry you to-Morrow if he will, for any thing I cou’d do to hinder it, I am not Marry’d, I do not look upon it as any thing: Well, all did not pacify Amy , but she cry’d two or three Days about it; but it wore off by Degrees.

But the Case differ’d between Amy and her Master, exceedingly; for Amy retain’d the same kind Temper she always had; but on the contrary, he was quite alter’d, for he hated her heartily, and could, I believe, have kill’d her after it, and he told me so, for he thought this a vile Action; whereas what he and I had done, he was perfectly easie in, thought it just, and esteem’d me as much his Wife as if we had been Marry’d from our Youth, and had neither of us known any other; nay, he lov’d me, I believe, as entirely, as if I had been the Wife of his Youth; nay, he told me, it was true, in one Sence, that he had two Wives, but that I was the Wife of his Affection, the other, the Wife of his Aversion.

I was extremely concern’d at the Aversion he had taken to my Maid Amy , and us’d my utmost Skill to get it alter’d; for tho’ he had, indeed, debauch’d the Wench, I knew that I was the principal Occasion of it; and as he was the best humour’d Man in the World, I never gave him over till I prevail’d with him to be easie with her, and as I was now become the Devil’s Agent, to make others as wicked as myself, I brought him to lye with her again several times after that, till at last, as the poor Girl said, so it happen’d, and she was really with-Child.

She was terribly concern’d at it, and so was he too: Come, my Dear, says I , when Rachael put her Handmaid to-Bed to Jacob , she took the Children as her own; don’t be uneasie, I’ll take the Child as my own; had not I a hand in the Frolick of putting her to-Bed to you? It was my Fault as much as yours; so I call’d Amy , and en courag’d her too, and told her, that I wou’d take Care of the Child and her too, and added the same Argument to her; for, says I, Amy , it was all my Fault; did not I drag your Cloaths off of your Back, and put you to-Bed to him: Thus I that had, indeed, been the Cause of all the Wickedness between them, encourag’d them both, when they had any Remorse about it, and rather prompted them to go on with it, than to repent of it.

When Amy grew Big, she went to a Place I had provided for her, and the Neighbours knew nothing but that Amy and I was parted; she had a fine Child indeed, a Daughter, and we had it nurs’d, and Amy came again in about half a Year, to live with her old Mistress; but neither my Gentleman, or Amy either, car’d for playing that Game over again; for as he said, the Jade might bring him a House-full of Children to keep.

We liv’d as merrily, and as happily, after this, as cou’d be expected, considering our Circumstances; I mean as to the pretended Marriage, &.c . and as to that, my Gentleman had not the least Concern about him for it; but as much as I was harden’d, and that was as much, as I believe, ever any wicked Creature was, yet I could not help it; there was, and would be, Hours of Intervals, and of dark Reflections which came involuntarily in, and thrust in Sighs into the middle of all my Songs; and there would be, sometimes, a heaviness of Heart, which intermingl’d itself with all my Joy, and which would often fetch a Tear from my Eye; and let others pretend what they will, I believe it impossible to be otherwise with any-body; there can be no substantial Satisfaction in a Life of known Wickedness; Conscience will, and does, often break in upon them at particular times, let them do what they can to prevent it.

But I am not to preach, but to relate, and whatever loose Reflections were, and how often soever those dark Intervals came on, I did my utmost to conceal them from him; ay, and to suppress and smother them too in myself, and to outward Appearance we liv’d as chearfully, and as agreeably, as it was possible for any Couple in the World to live.

After I had thus liv’d with him something above two Year, truly, I found my-self with-Child too; my Gentleman was mightily pleas’d at it, and nothing could be kinder than he was in the Preparations he made for me, and for my Lying-in, which was, however, very private, because I car’d for as little Company as possible; nor had I kept up my neighbourly Acquaintance; so that I had nobody to invite upon such an Occasion.

I was brought to-Bed very well, (of a Daughter too, as well as Amy ) but the Child died at about six Weeks old, so all that Work was to do over again, that is to say, the Charge, the Expence, the Travel [63] Travel : travail, labour of childbirth. , &c .

The next Year I made him amends, and brought him a Son, to his great Satisfaction; it was a charming Child, and did very well: After this, my Husband, as he call’d himself, came to me one Evening, and told me, he had a very difficult Thing happen’d to him, which he knew not what to do in, or how to resolve about, unless I would make him easie; this was, that his Occasions requir’d him to go over to France for about two Months.

Well, my Dear, says I , and how shall I make you easie?

Why, by consenting to let me go, says he , upon which Condition, I’ll tell you the Occasion of my going, that you may judge of the Necessity there is for it on my Side; then to make me easie in his going, he told me, he would make his Will before he went, which should be to my full Satisfaction.

I told him, the last Part was so kind, that I could not decline the first Part, unless he would give me Leave to add, that if it was not for putting him to an extraordinary Expence, I would go over along with him.

He was so pleas’d with this Offer, that he told me, he would give me full Satisfaction for it, and accept of it too; so he took me to London with him the next Day, and there he made his WILL, and shew’d it to me, and seal’d it before proper Witnesses, and then gave it to me to keep: In this WILL he gave a thousand Pounds to a Person that we both knew very well, in Trust, to pay it, with the Interest from the Time of his Decease, to me, or my Assigns; then he Will’d the Payment of my Jointure; [64] Jointure : dower, that is, the annual income which a man at marriage settled on his wife in case she survived him. as he call’d it, viz . his Bond of a Hundred Pounds, after his Death; also he gave me all my Houshold-Stuff, Plate, &c .

This was a most engaging thing for a Man to do to one under my Circumstances; and it would have been hard, as I told him, to deny him any thing, or to refuse to go with him any where; so we settled every thing as well as we cou’d; left Amy in Charge with the House; and for his other Business, which was in Jewels, he had two Men he entrusted, who he had good Security for, and who manag’d for him, and corresponded with him.

Things being thus concerted, we went away to France , arriv’d safe at Calais , and by easie Journeys, came in eight Days more to Paris , where we lodg’d in the House of an English Merchant of his Acquaintance, and was very courteously entertain’d.

My Gentleman’s Business was with some Persons of the First Rank, and to whom he had sold some Jewels of very good Value, and receiv’d a great Sum of Money in Specie, and, as he told me privately, he gain’d 3000 Pistoles [65] Pistoles : Pistole was the popular name for the Spanish gold coin officially called the double escudo. After the marriage of Louis XIV and Maria Theresa in 1660, Spanish pistoles circulated in France, with an exchange rate of ten livres. The name also came to be used, as is probably the case here, of the Louis d’or and of other European gold coins of roughly the same value as the pistole (£0.86). In 1700 3,000 pistoles would have been worth about £2,580. by his Bargain, but would not suffer the most intimate Friend he had there, to know what he had receiv’d; for it is not so safe a thing in Paris , to have a great Sum of Money in keeping, as it might be in London .