Wu Cheng-en - Journey to the West (vol. 2)

As the Golden Queen walked into the front part of the palace a little devil saw her and reported to the Evil Star Matcher, “The queen's here, Your Majesty.” The demon king hurried out of the Flaying Pavilion to greet her.

“Your Majesty,” the queen said, “the smoke and fire have been put out and there's no sign of the thief. As it's late now I've come to urge you to come to bed.”

“How considerate you are, my queen,” the monster replied utterly delighted to see her. “The thief was Sun Wukong who defeated my vanguard warrior, then killed my lieutenant and came here disguised as him to fool us. We've searched but can't find a trace of him. It makes me feel uneasy.”

“The wretch must have got away,” the queen replied. “Relax, Your Majesty, stop worrying, and come to bed.”

Seeing the queen standing there and inviting him so earnestly the demon king could not refuse too insistently, so he told the other demons to be careful with the fires and lamps and be on their guard against robbers before he went to the living quarters at the back with the queen. Monkey, disguised as Spring Beauty, led their way with the other slave girls.

“Bring wine for His Majesty,” the queen said. “He's exhausted.”

“Indeed I am,” said the demon king with a smile, “indeed I am. Fetch some at once. It'll calm our nerves.” The imitation Spring Beauty and the other servants then laid out fruit and high meat and set a table and chairs. The queen raised a cup and the demon king did likewise; each gave the other a drink from their own.

The imitation Spring Beauty, who was standing beside them, said as she held the jug, “As tonight is the first time Your Majesties have given each other a drink from your own cups I hope that you will each drain them dry for double happiness.” They did indeed both refill their cups and drain them again. “As this is so happy an occasion for Your Majesties why don't we slave girls sing and dance for you?” the imitation Spring Beauty suggested.

Before the words were all out of her mouth melodious voices could be heard as the singing and dancing began. The two of them drank a lot more before the queen called for the singing and dancing to end. The slave girls divided themselves into their groups and went to line up outside the screen, leaving only the imitation Spring Beauty to hold the jug and serve them wine. The queen and the demon king spoke to each other like husband and wife, and the queen was so full of sensuality that the demon king's bones turned soft and his sinews went numb. The only trouble was that the poor demon was not lucky enough to enjoy her favours. Indeed, it was a case of “happiness over nothing, like a cat biting a piss bubble.”

After talking and laughing for a while the queen asked, “Were the treasures damaged, Your Majesty?”

“Those are treasures that were cast long, long ago,” the demon king said, “so they couldn't possibly be damaged. All that happened was that the thief tore the cotton wool that was muffling the bells and the leopard skin wrapper was burnt.”

“Where have they been put away?” the queen asked.

“No need for that,” the demon king replied. “I carry them at my waist.” Hearing this, the imitation Spring Beauty pulled out a handful of his hairs, chewed them up into little bits, crept closer to the demon king, put the pieces of hair on the demon's body, blew three magic breaths, said “Change!” very quietly, and turned the pieces of hair into three revolting pests: lice, fleas and bedbugs. They all made for the demon king's body and started biting his skin wildly. Itching unbearably, the demon king put his hands inside his clothing to rub the irritation. He caught a few of the lice between his fingers and took them to a lamp for a closer look.

When the queen saw them she said mockingly, “Your Majesty, your shirt must be filthy. It can't have been washed for ages. I expect that's why they're there.”

“I've never had insects like these before,” he said in embarrassment. “I would have to make a fool of myself tonight.”

“What do you mean, making a fool of yourself, Your Majesty?” the queen said with a smile. “As the saying goes, even the emperor has three imperial lice. Undress and I'll catch them for you.” The demon king really did undo his belt and take his clothes off.

The imitation Spring Beauty was standing beside the demon king looking closely at the fleas leaping around between each layer of clothing, on which were rows of enormous bedbugs. Lice and nits were crowded as closely together as ants coming out of their nest. When the demon king took off the third layer of clothing and revealed his flesh the golden bells were also swarming with countless insects.

“Your Majesty,” said the imitation Spring Beauty, “hand me the bells so that I can catch the lice on them for you.” The demon king was so overcome with shame and alarm that he handed the three bells to Spring Beauty, not noticing that she was an impostor.

The imitation Spring Beauty took the bells and made a long show of catching lice. When she saw the demon king looking down to shake his clothes she hid the golden bells, pulled out a hair and turned it into three more bells just like the originals that she carried to the lamp to examine.

She then wriggled, braced herself, put the lice, bedbugs and fleas back on her body and returned the imitation bells to the monster. He took them but was still too befuddled to see that they were copies. Passing them with both his hands to the queen he said, “Put them away now, but be very careful with them, not like before.” The queen took the bells, quietly opened the chest, put them inside, and locked them in with a golden lock. Then she drank several more cups of wine with the demon king.

“Dust and clean the ivory bed,” she ordered the serving women, “and spread the brocade quilt. His Majesty and I are going to bed.”

The demon king expressed his thanks but said, “I have no such luck. I don't dare go with you. I'll take one of the palace women with me and go to bed in the Western part of the palace. I wish you a good night by yourself, ma'am.” With that each of them went to bed, and we will say no more of that.

Meanwhile the successful imitation Spring Beauty tucked the treasures into her belt and turned back into Monkey. He shook himself, took back the sleep insect, and headed for the front of the palace, where nightsticks and bells sounded together to mark the third watch. Splendid Monkey made himself invisible by making a spell with his hands and saying the words of it. Going straight to the gates he saw that they were very firmly locked and bolted, so he brought out his gold-banded cudgel, pointed it at the door and made unlocking magic. The gates swung easily open.

Hurrying outside he stood by the gates and shouted two or three times at the top of his voice, “Evil Star Matcher, give us back our Golden Queen.”

This startled all the devils, who hurried to look and saw that the gates were open. Quickly they fetched lamps to find the locks and fasten the gates once more. Several of them were sent running back inside to report, “Your Majesty, there's someone outside the main gates shouting your title and demanding the Golden Queen.”

The slave girls hurried out to say very quietly, “Stop yelling. His Majesty's only just gone to sleep.” Monkey gave another loud shout at the front gates, but the little devils still dared not disturb their master. This happened three or four times over, but they never went in to report. The Great Sage kept up his din till daybreak, by when his patience was exhausted and he swung his iron cudgel to hit the gates. This so alarmed the demons big and small that while some of them barricaded the gates the others went in to report.