Wu Cheng-en - Journey to the West (vol. 1)

“That's not the way to handle things, master,” grumbled an angry Pig. “You should have been more flexible and given her some noncommittal answer, then you'd have got some food out of her. That way we'd have eaten well tonight, but would still have been able to refuse to marry them in the morning. We're going to have a lousy night with nothing to eat if that inside door is shut and nobody comes out to us.”

“Brother Pig, you should stay here and marry one of the girls,” said Friar Sand.

“Lay off me,” Pig replied. “We must decide what's the best thing to do.”

“Why bother?” said Monkey. “If you want to marry one of them, you'll make our master and the woman in-laws, and you can be a husband living with his in-laws. A family as rich as this is bound to give a good dowry, as well as a feast for relations which will do us all a bit of good. So it's in all our interests for you to return to worldly life here.”

“It sounds all right,” said Pig, “but it would mean going back to the world after leaving it, and marrying again after ending another marriage.”

“Did you have a wife before, then?” asked Friar Sand.

“So you still don't know,” said Monkey, “that he used to be the son-in-law of Squire Gao in Gao Village in the land of Stubet. After I defeated him and the Bodhisattva converted him and made him promise to observe the prohibitions, we managed to force him to become a monk. So he left his wife and joined our master for the journey to the Buddha in the West. I think that now he's been away from her for so long he's remembering all that business again. When he heard this woman's offer, it revived his old ideas. Blockhead,” he continued, addressing Pig, “marry into this family as a son-in-law. I won't report on you provided you bow to me a few times.”

“Nonsense, Nonsense,” said Pig. “You've all been thinking the same thoughts, but you pick on me to make an exhibition of. It's always said that 'a monk among pretty women is a hungry ghost,' and that goes for all of us. But by acting so high and mighty you've ruined our chances of doing well here. We haven't cast our eyes on so much as a cup of tea, and there isn't even anyone to light the lamps for us. We may be able to stick it out for a night, but that horse will have to carry our master again tomorrow, and if he gets nothing to eat all night he'll collapse. You lot sit here while I take him out for a feed.” He untied the animal and dragged it out in a great hurry, at which Monkey said, “Friar Sand, you sit here with the master while I follow him and see where he pastures that horse.”

“If you want to keep an eye on him, you may do so,” Sanzang said, “but don't play any tricks on him.”

“I understand,” said Monkey, and as he went out of the room he shook himself, turned into a red dragonfly, flew out of the main gate, and caught up with Pig.

Instead of letting the horse eat what grass there was, the blockhead chivied and dragged it round to the back door of the house, where he saw the woman and her three daughters admiring some chrysanthemums. When they saw Pig coming, the three girls rushed inside, while their mother remained standing in front of him.

“Where are you going, reverend sir?” she asked. The idiot dropped the horse's bridle, greeted her respectfully, and said, “I'm pasturing the horse, mother.”

“That master of yours is too prim and proper,” she said. “Wouldn't you rather marry here than go on plodding West as a travelling monk?”

“They're under orders from the Tang Emperor,” Pig replied with a grin, “and are too scared of disobeying him to do a thing like this. When they put the pressure on me in the hall just now I was in a very awkward spot. I hope you don't mind about my long snout and big ears.”

“I don't mind,” she said, “as long as we can have a man about the house, though my girls might not find you very attractive.”

“Tell your girls not to be so particular about a husband,” said Pig. “That Tang Priest may be very handsome, but he's completely useless. Although I'm as ugly as they come, I have something to say for myself.”

“What would that be?” she asked. His reply was:

“I may be not much to look at,

But I certainly get things done.

Fifteen thousand acres

I can plough without an ox.

Just by using my rake

I plant crops that come up well.

I can summon rain in a drought,

Call up a wind when there's none.

If you find your house too small,

I can add two more stories, or three.

If the ground needs sweeping, I'll sweep it;

If the ditches are blocked, I'll make them run.

I can do all sorts of household jobs.

And perform miscellaneous duties in the home.”

“Very well then,” she said, “if you can manage the work about the place you'd better go and talk it over with your master. If there are no problems, then you can marry one of the girls.”

“There's no need to talk it over with him,” Pig said. “He's not my father or mother, and it's entirely up to me whether I do it or not.”

“Very well then,” she said, “Wait while I tell the girls.” With that she went in and shut the door behind her. Pig still did not let the horse graze but dragged it round towards the front of the house.

Unbeknown to him, Monkey, who knew all about what had happened, flew back, changed back into his own form, and said to the Tang Priest, “Master, Pig is leading the horse back.”

“If he hadn't led it, it might have got excited and run away,” Sanzang said, at which Monkey burst out laughing and told him all about what had taken place between Pig and the woman. Sanzang did not know whether to believe him or not. A moment later the blockhead led the horse in and tethered it.

“Have you grazed the horse?” Sanzang asked.

“I couldn't find any grass that was good enough,” said Pig, “so I couldn't graze it.”

“You may not have been able to graze the horse,” said Monkey, “but you managed do some horse-trading.” This jibe made the idiot realize that the cat was out of the bag, so he hung his head and did not say a word. There was a creak as a side door opened and the woman and her three daughters-Zhenzhen, Aiai and Lianlian-came in with a pair of lamps glowing red and two portable incense burners from which sweet-smelling smoke curled up as the jade ornaments at their waists tinkled. The three girls greeted the pilgrims, standing in a row in the middle of the room and bowing. They were undoubtedly beauties:

All had moth-eyebrows glistening blue,

Pale and spring-like faces.

Seductive beauties who could tumble kingdoms,

Disturbing men's hearts with their quiet charm.

Elegant were their ornaments of golden flowers;

Their embroidered sashes floated above the worldly dust.

Their half-smile was a bursting cherry;

Their breath was perfumed as they walked with slow steps.

Their hair was covered with pearls and jade.

Trembling under countless jeweled ornaments;

Their whole bodies were fragrant,

Covered with delicate flowers of gold.

Why mention the beauty of the woman of Chu,

Or the charms of Xi Zi?

They really were like fairies from the Ninth Heaven,

Or the Lady of the Moon coming out of her palace.

While Sanzang put his hands together and bowed his head the Great Sage pretended not to notice and Friar Sand turned away. But Pig gazed at them with a fixed stare, his mind seething with lewd thoughts as his lust overwhelmed him.

“Thank you, divine angels, for coming to see us,” he said, fidgeting, “but could you ask the girls to go, please, mother?” The three girls went out through the door, leaving a pair of gauze-shielded lanterns behind them.

“Will you four reverend gentlemen please decide which of you is to marry one of the girls?” the woman said.