William Shakespeare - Alls Wel that ends Well

You that have turn'd off a first so noble wife

May justly diet me. I pray you yet-

Since you lack virtue, I will lose a husband-

Send for your ring, I will return it home,

And give me mine again.

BERTRAM. I have it not.

KING. What ring was yours, I pray you?

DIANA. Sir, much like

The same upon your finger.

KING. Know you this ring? This ring was his of late.

DIANA. And this was it I gave him, being abed.

KING. The story, then, goes false you threw it him

Out of a casement.

DIANA. I have spoke the truth.

Enter PAROLLES

BERTRAM. My lord, I do confess the ring was hers.

KING. You boggle shrewdly; every feather starts you.

Is this the man you speak of?

DIANA. Ay, my lord.

KING. Tell me, sirrah-but tell me true I charge you,

Not fearing the displeasure of your master,

Which, on your just proceeding, I'll keep off-

By him and by this woman here what know you?

PAROLLES. So please your Majesty, my master hath been an honourable

gentleman; tricks he hath had in him, which gentlemen have.

KING. Come, come, to th' purpose. Did he love this woman?

PAROLLES. Faith, sir, he did love her; but how?

KING. How, I pray you?

PAROLLES. He did love her, sir, as a gentleman loves a woman.

KING. How is that?

PAROLLES. He lov'd her, sir, and lov'd her not.

KING. As thou art a knave and no knave.

What an equivocal companion is this!

PAROLLES. I am a poor man, and at your Majesty's command.

LAFEU. He's a good drum, my lord, but a naughty orator.

DIANA. Do you know he promis'd me marriage?

PAROLLES. Faith, I know more than I'll speak.

KING. But wilt thou not speak all thou know'st?

PAROLLES. Yes, so please your Majesty. I did go between them, as I

said; but more than that, he loved her-for indeed he was mad for

her, and talk'd of Satan, and of Limbo, and of Furies, and I know

not what. Yet I was in that credit with them at that time that I

knew of their going to bed; and of other motions, as promising

her marriage, and things which would derive me ill will to speak

of; therefore I will not speak what I know.

KING. Thou hast spoken all already, unless thou canst say they are

married; but thou art too fine in thy evidence; therefore stand

aside.

This ring, you say, was yours?

DIANA. Ay, my good lord.

KING. Where did you buy it? Or who gave it you?

DIANA. It was not given me, nor I did not buy it.

KING. Who lent it you?

DIANA. It was not lent me neither.

KING. Where did you find it then?

DIANA. I found it not.

KING. If it were yours by none of all these ways,

How could you give it him?

DIANA. I never gave it him.

LAFEU. This woman's an easy glove, my lord; she goes of and on at

pleasure.

KING. This ring was mine, I gave it his first wife.

DIANA. It might be yours or hers, for aught I know.

KING. Take her away, I do not like her now;

To prison with her. And away with him.

Unless thou tell'st me where thou hadst this ring,

Thou diest within this hour.

DIANA. I'll never tell you.

KING. Take her away.

DIANA. I'll put in bail, my liege.

KING. I think thee now some common customer.

DIANA. By Jove, if ever I knew man, 'twas you.

KING. Wherefore hast thou accus'd him all this while?

DIANA. Because he's guilty, and he is not guilty.

He knows I am no maid, and he'll swear to't:

I'll swear I am a maid, and he knows not.

Great King, I am no strumpet, by my life;

I am either maid, or else this old man's wife.

[Pointing to LAFEU]

KING. She does abuse our ears; to prison with her.

DIANA. Good mother, fetch my bail. Stay, royal sir;

Exit WIDOW

The jeweller that owes the ring is sent for,

And he shall surety me. But for this lord

Who hath abus'd me as he knows himself,

Though yet he never harm'd me, here I quit him.

He knows himself my bed he hath defil'd;

And at that time he got his wife with child.

Dead though she be, she feels her young one kick;

So there's my riddle: one that's dead is quick-

And now behold the meaning.

Re-enter WIDOW with HELENA

KING. Is there no exorcist

Beguiles the truer office of mine eyes?

Is't real that I see?

HELENA. No, my good lord;

'Tis but the shadow of a wife you see,

The name and not the thing.

BERTRAM. Both, both; o, pardon!

HELENA. O, my good lord, when I was like this maid,

I found you wondrous kind. There is your ring,

And, look you, here's your letter. This it says:

'When from my finger you can get this ring,

And are by me with child,' etc. This is done.

Will you be mine now you are doubly won?

BERTRAM. If she, my liege, can make me know this clearly,

I'll love her dearly, ever, ever dearly.

HELENA. If it appear not plain, and prove untrue,

Deadly divorce step between me and you!

O my dear mother, do I see you living?

LAFEU. Mine eyes smell onions; I shall weep anon. [To PAROLLES]

Good Tom Drum, lend me a handkercher. So, I

thank thee. Wait on me home, I'll make sport with thee;

let thy curtsies alone, they are scurvy ones.

KING. Let us from point to point this story know,

To make the even truth in pleasure flow.

[To DIANA] If thou beest yet a fresh uncropped flower,

Choose thou thy husband, and I'll pay thy dower;

For I can guess that by thy honest aid

Thou kept'st a wife herself, thyself a maid.-

Of that and all the progress, more and less,

Resolvedly more leisure shall express.

All yet seems well; and if it end so meet,

The bitter past, more welcome is the sweet. [Flourish]

EPILOGUE

EPILOGUE.

KING. The King's a beggar, now the play is done.

All is well ended if this suit be won,

That you express content; which we will pay

With strife to please you, day exceeding day.

Ours be your patience then, and yours our parts;

Your gentle hands lend us, and take our hearts.

Exeunt omnes

THE END