Henry Green - Loving, Living, Party Going

‘Shall I go?’ said Evelyn.

‘Oh no, darling, I can’t leave you to do all my duties. It’s sweet of you,’ she said, and they went out together.

Julia thought how selfish everyone is, they go on bothering about their aunts and don’t give one thought to how others are feeling. They were all the same, but Max was the worst, it was too low to be making love upstairs in the same room he had tried to pounce on her when they all wanted him and when there were thousands of things waiting which only he could settle. At this Miss Crevy, whom Julia was always forgetting as though she did not properly exist, spoke up and said:

‘Would you like me to come down with you to see if we can do anything about your things?’

This seemed to Julia the sweetest thing she had ever heard, to offer to brave those frantic drinking hordes of awful people all because someone was upset about their charms and all the more because this angelic angel could not know about them or what they meant to her or about her and how miserable she got. She was made better at once for, like delicate plants must be watered every so often so Julia must have sympathy every now and then, as Alex must have someone to listen to him, and once she had it was all right for another little while. So Julia refused but so warmly Miss Crevy was surprised into thinking she could only be engaged to Max who, she now realized, must be upstairs with Amabel.

It was at this moment that Max came in with Amabel, so that Julia knew she would almost at once forget about her charms now he was back, and all her worries.

When he was in the room she could even stand apart and watch herself, she grew so confident. She thought he looked terrific, but when she had taken in Amabel’s new looks and her brilliant eyes, she thought she was most like a cat that has just had its mouse coming among other cats who had only had the smell.

He was why she changed so she would forget what she had been six minutes back, he it was who nagged at her feelings when he was not there, and when he came in again worked her up so she had soon to go out though not for long, it was his fault, but then she knew it to be hers for being like she was about him, oh, who would be this kind of a girl, she thought.

Before anyone had spoken the telephone rang and while Max said ‘what’s this,’ and went to answer it, Amabel arranged herself where she had been sitting before.

‘Yes,’ he said into it, ‘yes, she’s here. No, shall I take a message?’ and he turned to look at Julia, so that she knew they were ringing her up. She went across to be at hand. ‘You mean now?’ he asked. ‘I see. You understand this is my party, mind,’ he said, ‘it is Mr Adey speaking. Yes, we’ll be ready,’ and he rang off.

He put his arm through Julia’s and pressed his elbow tight against it and this to her was as though he knew everything and that he was sorry for anything he might have done and that anyway it was all right. It was like sugar and water fed to plants in a last emergency and was what she had been ordered. ‘Well,’ he said, as though it was as easy as anything, ‘we’ve got to get ready to go, they’ve just rung me up.’

I can’t bear it, Julia said to herself, it’s too wonderful, it’s too much. If we go now everything will come right, but if only we go now this instant minute, it must be at once, oh, please.

Angela said ‘goody’ and Julia thought of a difficulty. ‘But how on earth?’ she cried and he said gently, ‘by the lift.’ Amabel sat on as though she had not heard as people do who know it will all be the same wherever they may be and who have maids to look after them.

‘Oh, you don’t understand,’ said Julia off her balance and wildly excited, ‘you can’t, no one can go, they’ve broken in below you see, d’you mean they really want us to be off?’

‘I say,’ Angela said, ‘my luggage is in the cloakroom.’

Max said he would see to that and Julia began. She rambled, not pronouncing what she was saying very well and looking sideways at the carpet while she now pressed his arm hard with hers. She wanted to know what she was to do about Thomson and when their train would go, did she have time to get ready, and again how would they get out as Max had not heard about the crowds that had broken in and hadn’t they better ring her uncle up to find out if it was safe? Max took no notice of her except he said once he would look after it and gradually Julia began to run down and as she did so happiness came back to her, budding out of her fingers and her cheeks and hair like new landscapes open with a change of season after frost. She felt she was living again and with that feeling she wondered if she had not been rather ridiculous perhaps. She said Evelyn and Claire ought to be told and with that she suddenly left them and ran out, and looking back in through the door she said, ‘but we haven’t to go just at once, have we?’ and then was gone again.

Radiantly happy she rushed into that room Miss Fellowes lay in and thinking that she would be unconscious, burst out saying, ‘children we are to go, they’ve telephoned to say it’s all over, isn’t it wonderful and we’re to get ready, darlings, just think.’

But Miss Fellowes, who was sitting up in bed, took this to mean that they were at last ready to remove her.

‘My dear,’ she said, ‘I’m very glad to hear it, I feel I’ve been here long enough, though Claire will insist on saying I ought to stay the night.’

Julia had not seen Miss Fellowes when she came in so that it was a shock to hear her voice and more than a shock to see her propped up in bed exhausted. She looked as if she had been travelling.

Julia had never thought of her as being old. She had been brought up with Claire and so had always known Miss Fellowes who had in consequence seemed ageless to her in that her appearance had not altered much in all those years. And now she saw her all at once as very old and for the last time that day she heard the authentic threatening knock of doom she listened for so much when things were not going right. But it was impossible for anything to upset her now they were really going.

‘Why, Auntie Fellowes,’ she said, ‘I never saw you and there you are sitting up in bed. Why you see,’ she rushed on, ‘it’s for us, our train is going to run after all, isn’t it wonderful?’

‘Darling,’ said Claire, ‘I was telling Auntie May she really must be good and stay here for a while, at least until she gets her strength.’

‘But I feel quite well now, Claire, quite well.’

‘You must be careful, darling, really.’

‘Now, darling Aunt Fellowes,’ Julia said, ‘you mustn’t get in a fuss.’

She was about to say she was in no fuss and that all she asked, and it was reasonable enough, was to be allowed to get better in the comforts of her home, when she realized it would be better to let them think they were having their own way like Daisy had when they put her in that asylum. She had kept on telling them how glad she was to be there until they had pronounced her sane and let her go. She could remember now Daisy saying they would have put her in the strait-jacket if she had resisted, so she determined to say nothing but unfortunately she was so weak she began to cry. She began to shake also. Claire kissed her and said she was to rest and not to worry and took those other two girls out with her again.

They stood outside in the corridor and Julia, who was unaffected, she was so excited at their going away, said she was sorry, she had no idea she would be able to hear anything, she had thought she would still be unconscious.

‘Well, it was rather a pity, darling,’ Claire said, ‘and just when I was telling her we could not move her out or get her doctor in.’