Henry Green - Nothing

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Jane Weatherby wants a more exciting match for her son than Mary Pomfret and decides to take action to break off their engagement. Central to her schemes is Mary's father, John, who used to be Jane's lover and just might be again. Narrated mainly through Henry Green's incomparable comic dialogue, Nothing is a satiric comedy of manners.
First published in the U.S. by Viking (1950), most recent paperback edition published by Penguin in the collection Nothing; Doting, Blindness (1993).

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"Who's been hinting?" he demanded.

"Well as a matter of fact Philip mentioned something."

"Philip" he echoed in noticeably brighter tones. "How can he know at his age?"

"No Daddy you're not to laugh! You remember what I told you, I'd never speak to you again."

"I'm not laughing" he defended himself. "But you'll agree my dear it isn't a very pleasant thing to be confronted on without a word of warning."

"And not nice for me either under the circumstances?"

"Frightful" he agreed. "My God I've never heard anything like it! But where did your Philip get this extraordinary notion?"

"From his mother I fancy."

"So that's how it originated! She didn't tell you then?"

"Oh no I've just said haven't I? I went down to see her in the hotel and then couldn't screw up my miserable courage."

"You're not to blame yourself monkey good Lord! I should say not! But d'you mean to tell me Jane actually put it in so many words?"

"I'm not sure."

"Then darling you must make doubly certain."

"Why should I when you told me not a moment ago it could be."

"Could be what?"

"True Daddy."

"But my love I never said a word of the kind!"

"You did."

"How did I?"

"Just now when you admitted you'd seen a lot of her about that time."

"But the idea's perfectly ridiculous" he replied in blustering accents. "Why doesn't he come and ask me himself? I'd soon tell him."

"For the same reason I expect I couldn't bring myself with his mother. But oh Daddy do say all this isn't true."

"I've already told you. It's utterly ridiculous! I've never in my whole life heard such awful nonsense!"

"Then why did you say what you did?"

"Earlier on? For the simple reason this was the first time such an insane idea had ever been put to me. I was flabbergasted, absolutely stunned! And I'm so accustomed to the worst that for a second I even considered whether it mightn't be a fact. But I tell you what. You know about that time things were pretty strained between the four of us, I mean he wasn't even born then and his father began throwing writs about and cross-petitions-we won't go into all the business now, what's over's over, enough's enough-but if there could be a word of truth in this tale don't you agree Weatherby would have used your story? And he didn't! If you don't believe me go and ask Mr. Thicknesse."

"Oh Daddy so you really don't think there's anything?"

"Of course not my dear. Lord but you had me thoroughly rattled for a minute."

"I'm such a nuisance" she wailed, gazing straight at him, her eyes full of tears.

"You aren't" he said. "Besides why don't you ask the others?"

"I have."

He looked at her very hard.

"And what did they say?"

"I went to Arthur Morris and Philip did too, separately of course. He told us both the same or so Philip swears."

"There you are then! With the poor fellow dying he'd surely never dare tell a lie."

"But Daddy how simply dreadful! He isn't is he?"

"So Liz says."

"He simply can't. He's so sweet!"

"That's the way things are my dear I'm afraid. Well we've all got to come to it. When he didn't turn up at Jane's party I thought he must be pretty bad. What's the ring you're wearing?"

"It's mine. I mean the engagement ring."

"Oh I say" he cried "and you never told. Here let's have a good look."

They bent their heads together over her left hand.

"Well well" he said. "This is quite pretty isn't it? How much did he pay?"

"That's my secret Daddy. We talked everything over of course. We decided we'd be insane to spend a lot of cash on what is out-of-date tripe. I never meant it to be more than just something to go on that especial finger."

"One bit of jewelry I always did swear could be worth a bust was the engagement ring."

"Oh I know you don't like it or him" she wailed, sharply withdrawing her hand.

"Now my dear" he interrupted "we can't have this! You're overwrought. Good God you've your own lives to lead haven't you? I think the good ring very suitable, so there."

"Do you" she murmured seeming mollified. "And you won't so. much as breathe to Mrs Weatherby about the other business?"

"See here what sort and kind of a parent d'you take me for? Why naturally not" he replied.

KNOWING his daughter was to be out of London the next forty-eight hours on some trip in connection with her government job Mr Pomfret at once got on the telephone to Jane and asked the lady round the next day to what he called a scratch meal at his flat.

After giving her a drink he led the way into the next room where a spectacular supper was laid out and which began with caviar. Once she had exclaimed at this and he had been able to sketch in the devious methods he employed to lay hands on such a delicacy, he so to speak cut right down into the heart of things by saying "Well I've seen the ring."

"Oh my dear" she replied "so have I!"

He considered Mrs Weatherby very carefully at this response but she was eating her sturgeon's eggs with a charming concentration that was also the height of graceful greed, her shining mouth and brilliant teeth snapping just precisely enough to show enthusiasm without haste, the great eyes reverently lowered on her plate.

"Did you help Philip choose?"

"Me? Dear no" she answered, carefully selecting a piece of toast. "I know better than to interfere ever" she said. "But you make me feel such a perfect fool John" she continued. "There was I 'the other evening wanted so much to be told how you would manage when you had to live alone and now you put me to absolute shame with a loveiy choice meal like this."

"Oh we don't do it every day." He laughed then turned serious once more. "And do you like the ring Jane?"

"No" she said "who could? I was so vexed."

"I would only say it to you my dear" Mr Pomfret announced "but the boy must have gone to--'s" and he gave the name of a shop which extensively advertised cheap engagement hoops.

She raised her eyes to his from the caviar with reluctance and a charming smile.

"One has to be so careful never to butt in" she explained "or rather, and am I being wicked, never to seem that one is arranging their little affairs for them. I tried to make him give dear Mary a solitaire darling Mother left me in her will and that somehow I've not had the heart to sell." She now looked down at her plate again and went on unhurriedly eating caviar. Then she squeezed some more lemon with an entrancing grimace of alarm, presumably lest a drop lodge in the corner of an eye. "How delicious and good this is" she sighed.

"And Philip wouldn't have it?" he asked.

"Philip simply wouldn't" she confirmed.

There was a pause.

"Then I had so hoped" she calmly went on at last "for you know what he is about family feelings-well I don't say this ring of Mother's was enormously valuable or of course it would have gone long before now, one can't go round London barefoot after all-but in a way the thing's an heirloom and he'd only have had to get it lined because of course Mother had such small bones."

"You don't think Mary's fingers are like bananas?"

"John!" she screamed, eyeing him in alarm. "I don't find that funny do you!"

"Well all right then" he said. "But what are we to do about this ring he's given her?"

"Doesn't she like it?"

"You know how you felt just now yourself Jane."

"Oh yes but we mustn't make everything more difficult for them dear. You realize it's not going to be easy for those two sweet loves our being such old friends you and I. But has Mary actually put it into words about the thing?"

"No. How could she?"

"She's wonderful! So d'you think we should be absolutely wise to interfere?"

"Yet you can't let her walk round with that on her left hand Jane."

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