Tim Leach - Smile of the Wolf

She nodded and she was cold once more. ‘I shall wake the others. Wait here.’

I listened to her footsteps, to soft voices within. And then I heard Thorvaldur’s words in my ear.

‘Who is she?’

‘Sigrid,’ I said, and I heard him chuckle.

‘I know that name. Whispered at night, in sleep, many times over the long winter. And I recognise her. That tall, pale thing that you were pining for.’

‘Thorvaldur…’

He grinned at me. ‘I shall be quiet, do not worry.’

I saw her again, in the half-light of the fire, beckoning us in. Ragnar and Kari were both waiting for us around the fire.

‘You should not have left without me,’ Kari said.

‘I know,’ I answered. ‘But it is done now. We have much to speak of.’

‘That may be,’ Sigrid said, ‘but you do not have much time.’ Her eyes did not leave Thorvaldur, as though I had brought a wild dog into her home.

‘Why is that?’

‘I have heard people talking. Of a stranger who roams the hills.’

‘Do they think me a ghost? That would be fitting.’

‘Some say so. But I am sure there are those who will guess at the truth. They are restless.’

Ragnar spoke, then. ‘I have heard that Björn may be going abroad. He and his kin have spoken to captains. Friends of mine. They seek passage on a ship.’

‘Why?’

‘Raiding. Trade. He is a man of much wealth now. And burning a house is a shameful thing. Perhaps he fears the law being brought against him.’ He looked at the palms of his hands. ‘And perhaps he has heard the rumours. Perhaps he knows that you have returned.’

‘We shall have to move quickly, then.’

‘Good,’ Thorvaldur said. ‘I did not come here to wait.’

Kari seemed to look on the newcomer for the first time. ‘Who are you?’ he said.

‘One who will fight.’

‘Did you know my father?’

‘Oh no. Only the stories that Kjaran has told me.’

‘Then why are you here?’

‘I like the killing. Don’t you?’

‘Thorvaldur,’ I said.

He tilted his head to me. ‘That is why you brought me here, is it not?’

‘I have never killed a man,’ Kari said.

Thorvaldur steepled his fingers together. ‘But you want to?’

Kari dropped his head. ‘Yes,’ he said.

‘That is enough,’ Sigrid said quietly. ‘Do not speak of killing in this house.’

Thorvaldur looked from the girl to me, grinning like an idiot. ‘I have heard stories of you, too.’

‘I have heard nothing of you.’

‘Do you want to?’

‘No.’ And she turned to me. ‘Who is this man?’

‘He is called Thorvaldur.’

‘This is a name I know. An outlaw.’

‘Yes.’

Ragnar put his head into his hands, but he would not speak.

Sigrid said: ‘This is too much that you ask of us. To shelter such a man.’

‘You need do no such thing,’ Thorvaldur said. ‘I shall sleep in the barn, and if they find me, call me an intruder. No blame shall lie with you.’ He looked to the boy. ‘Will you come with me?’ he said. ‘We have much to speak of.’

I felt the touch of cold fingers against my skin – some warning from the gods, I once would have thought. But I ignored them. My new god did not speak in riddles or omens, did not lay hands upon His worshippers. I prayed and I heard Him speak. So I let Thorvaldur leave, and I let the boy go with him.

After a time, Ragnar sighed and dipped a horn bowl into the pot of stew above the fire. He handed it to me. ‘Eat,’ he said. ‘You must be hungry.’

‘I have brought trouble to you and I am sorry for it.’

Ragner shook his head. ‘I owe you a great debt.’ He licked his lips and said, ‘I thought that you would kill me, when I saw you return.’

‘I thought of it.’

‘Why didn’t you?’

I looked at Sigrid and she met my gaze without fear.

‘It would have won me nothing,’ I said. ‘You believe that you owe me a debt for that?’

‘I thought I was to die and I was not afraid. I thought that I… that I would not give those years with my wife for anything. Not even to die. I have never had courage. But I knew it then. And I thank you for that.’

There was nothing for me to say to that. I placed my bowl upon the ground, half-finished, for I no longer had the stomach to eat.

‘What will you do tomorrow?’ asked Sigrid.

‘I will go to see an old friend. It is better that you know no more than that.’

I was tired then, the long weeks of night-walking bearing down upon me. With no further word I curled into my blankets and let myself drift half into sleep. Not fully – I waited to hear the door swing, to hear Kari return. But he did not. And when I awoke late in the night from restless dreams, the taste of blood in my mouth, the screaming of ghosts in my ears, I saw that he had not returned.

I thought little of it.

The next day was beautiful, yet I saw it would not last. Brilliant sun beating down upon us, but over the inland mountains the thick clouds were gathering, the promise of rain in the sky. But I could enjoy the sun for a time as I sat outside Ragnar’s longhouse with my back against the wall. I was glad of that.

I heard Kari’s voice, calling my name. And when I turned I saw him coming from the barn, dark whorls beneath his eyes.

‘You slept little?’ I said.

‘I slept enough. You are going again?’

I nodded.

‘Can I come with you this time?’

‘No. Not yet.’

He kicked at a tussock on the ground. ‘I will not be left behind a second time.’

‘You shall. But there will not be a third. I promise you that.’

He looked back towards the barn and I did not know what that look could mean.

‘He told me that you became a Christian,’ he said. ‘Is that true?’

‘It is.’

‘He says that I should become one, too.’

‘Do not listen to everything that Thorvaldur has to say.’

He nodded absently. ‘When does it begin?’

‘The killing?’

‘Yes.’

‘Soon. We must be patient. We must wait for our chance.’

‘I am afraid to wait.’

‘Why?’

His fingers darted up to the burns on his face – a habit now. When he was in thought or he did not know what to say his hands would drift up to the strange, ageless, ruined skin. I had seen the children of chieftains play with carved dolls from across the sea. His face was akin to those: flat, still, not quite human.

‘There is something else I must tell you,’ he said. ‘About the night that—’

‘Tell me.’

‘When father went out… to fight them… I heard him calling to me. To fight beside him. And I did not. I ran to the tunnel, to escape. But I could not get through.’

‘And what then?’

‘My mother and my sister. I could hear them crying out behind me, feel them pulling at my legs.’ He looked up to me. ‘Björn would have let them go, wouldn’t he? Why did they not run?’

‘I do not know,’ I said. A lie, but a needful one.

He did not speak. He looked at me, awaiting a judgement.

‘You ran from the battle?’

‘Yes,’ he whispered.

‘So you think that you must die?’

He shook his head violently. ‘No, no.’ He wiped at his eyes. ‘I do not want to die. But I cannot bear this shame. I have to…’ He looked back at the barn once more. ‘Perhaps then I will be forgiven.’

‘We shall all be forgiven.’

‘That is not what Thorvaldur says.’ He turned back to me. ‘Where is it that you go?’

‘You remember the horse, don’t you?’

Even in the dark, I saw his face go pale.

‘I know who did it,’ I said.

He was in my arms then, his head working into my chest, as though he thought to bury himself there. I held him as I might have held a child of my own, in another life, another world.