V Alexander - The Taster

“No, no, this is wrong,” he said, and leaned against the tree. “There’s no time for us. It’s over.”

“Why?” I asked. Sorrow welled up within me. “Are you going to die?”

“Perhaps.” He kissed me, opened his jacket and then a few buttons on his shirt. He guided my hand to his heart. “Do you feel it beating?”

His heart pounded with strength and power under my fingers. I wanted to find a secluded spot in the forest and make love until we were spent from ecstasy. I let my fingers caress his skin.

He clasped his hand over mine, stopping me from exploring his body. He kissed me again. “I want to make love to you, but more than that I want you to love me. Forever. If only I could predict the future.”

“No one can do that.” I snuggled closer to him. “Not now.” His words had stoked my passion. “I want to make love to you, too. Forever doesn’t matter.”

“But what if we had a child?” he whispered, his face close to mine. “How could we bring it into this world? It wouldn’t be right. I asked you to come tonight because I want you to know why it’s impossible for us to be together.”

I shook against him.

“But you must stay strong whatever happens,” he continued. His tone shifted, as solemn as the darkness that surrounded us. “In a few days, there will be a military display at the Berghof. Franz and I will be there with Hitler. The course of history must be changed.”

I pressed my head against his chest. “Tell me this isn’t happening—now that we’ve discovered love and a chance for happiness.”

“You’re wrong, Magda. There’ll be no happiness until this evil is eradicated.”

“Then let someone else do it. Let Franz—or let me.” As awful as my words were, I meant them.

He sighed. “Don’t be silly. Your parents are still alive. Mine are gone. Hitler can’t hurt anyone I love—except you.”

Karl’s profession of love warmed me, but my joy was short-lived. Through the haze of my feelings, sounds filtered out of the cinema: subdued voices, the scraping of chairs. The doors opened and people shuffled down the path.

“We must get back,” Karl said. “You go first.”

“I love you.” The words were out of my mouth before I knew it. They felt powerful and natural. I’d thought about love many times, but had never said the words aloud to Karl. Now I loved a man plotting to kill Hitler.

I walked away, but turned briefly. Karl nodded, encouraging me to go ahead. I stepped into the crowd leaving the cinema. As I walked toward my quarters, I saw Minna on the other side of the building, in the corner opposite where Karl and I had been talking. I wondered whether she might have been spying on us or overheard our conversation. She waved when she saw me, lit a cigarette and leaned against the cinema wall. I continued on as if I hadn’t seen her.

I sat in a library chair rather than going to bed. Minna walked past me, without a word, about a half hour later. I awoke the next morning about six. I showered and then went to my room for a change of clothes. I switched on the lamp. Dora and Else were gone, but Minna lay stretched across her cot. She pulled the sheet up across her breasts. The annoying vent whooshed overhead. The humid room smelled of Minna’s stale lavender perfume. “How was your evening?” she asked lazily.

I had no desire to answer her question.

“Where are Else and Dora?”

She yawned. “Else is working breakfast and Dora has gone to supervise the other girls. Did you enjoy the movie?”

I stared at her. “How did you know that? Did you ask Dora where I was going?”

Minna said nothing.

“I didn’t go after all,” I said, suspecting she’d seen me outside the cinema.

“You didn’t miss much. It was a boring silent film about the First World War.”

I dropped my towel and reached for my undergarments.

I felt her eyes traveling over my naked body. “You’ve got bug bites on your legs. Before you go outside, you should put on rubbing alcohol like I do. It keeps the bugs away.”

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She rolled on her side as I dressed. I held up a small mirror to check my face. It reflected Minna’s devious face as she said, “There’s a very interesting SS Captain here by the name of Karl Weber.”

I combed my hair and tried to mask my irritation. “Yes?”

“You know him, don’t you?”

“We met at the Berghof. I’ve seen him a few times. We went to a movie together.”

“I think you have more than movies in common.”

I turned, the mirror clutched in my hand. “What are you getting at?”

“Dora would be interested to know about your liaisons with Captain Weber. What are you two up to?”

I pulled a dress and shoes from my locker. “That’s none of your business.”

“It’s very much my business if it involves the Reich.”

“You’re imagining things. I have to get to work.”

She sat up on the cot with the sheet draped across her. “Funny, last night I heard something about evil being eradicated. You said you would be prepared to die.”

My blood ran cold. I sat on the bed. Minna glared at me, smug under her flimsy cover. I tried to calm my wildly beating heart. What if she was a Gestapo agent? How much had she really heard? I hoped that her vanity outweighed her intelligence. “You must have misunderstood. Maybe it was words from the movie.” I pointed at her. “And what right do you have to spy on us?”

She shook her head and her eyes focused on me like a bird of prey. “I wasn’t spying. Don’t think you can get away with anything by threatening me.” She admired her fingernails and then smiled sulkily. “I was talking a walk. I happened to overhear a conversation—that’s all.”

“We were talking about the Allies. Captain Weber is certain he will be shipped off to the Western Front soon.” I placed the mirror on the bed beside me. “I’m not happy about it.”

Minna craned her long neck toward me. “You should tell Dora about your concern for your Captain. She might ask the Führer to grant him a special favor. Or better yet, maybe I’ll tell Dora about your trysts. I’m sure she will be interested.”

I slipped into my dress. “Don’t bother. No favors are necessary.”

“Don’t be silly,” Minna said. “We must all stick together.”

I wanted to wring her neck, but I had to remain calm. I put on my shoes, said good-bye and walked quickly to the officers’ mess. Along the way, an anxious sickness stabbed at my stomach. I had to talk to Karl. Minna knew much more than she should have and that was dangerous. We had to decide what to do.

He wasn’t in the hall. I went to the kitchen and told Cook the fetid air of the dormitory was making me sick. A walk might help clear my head. She agreed and said I could come to work later. I casually asked if she had seen Captain Weber. She replied that he’d been called to a situation conference at eleven. That meant he was in a building near Hitler’s bunker, an area I had never been in. It was several minutes past ten.

I walked west past my quarters to a road that turned north. I didn’t have far to walk until a guard post appeared in front of me. The man on duty was older than most, and he observed me like a teacher greeting a new student rather than an obvious threat. A black-and-tan German shepherd sat next to him. The dog’s brown eyes followed my every move. The guard asked for my papers, which I produced, and he then asked me what business I had in this area. I told him a lie about delivering a message from Cook to Captain Weber—a plausible story because of Karl’s association with the kitchen staff. He said nothing more and let me go on my way.

The trees clumped densely here making it difficult to see more than a few meters to the left or right of the path. I was keenly aware of being alone. The footpath curved and an immense concrete bunker loomed into view. Intuition told me it was Hitler’s. A single lamp hung over a small door.