Frank Polizzi - Somewhere in the Stars

Everything seemed to be jumbled up in his head and that is why he still sought comfort in Caterina’s arms, but he already knew he would not remain in Rome when the war ended. During the first week of March, Marzo pazzarello as the Romans like to call it, Nick heard at the CIC headquarters that the Allied Powers had crossed the Rhine in Germany. Captain Smith had always maintained that the German defenses would collapse on the Northern Italian Front by the end of April. Nick felt the numbness in his bones spread, and then a shooting pain ran through his injured leg, as if it were in a wooden box where a magician had slid a razor-sharp sword the wrong way, his assistant screaming in pain. He knew that he had changed from his days with his cousin in San Francisco and could hardly recall his times there with Nathan, everything blurred by his own pain and memories of death.

Nick heard the lock turn and threw his cigarette out the window. Caterina entered and put the cornetti and a container of latte down.

“You know I don’t like cigarette smoke in our place.”

“You didn’t mind in the beginning.”

“It was different then.”

Nick offered to make caffè Americano while Caterina set the table for prima colazione . He had never been that helpful around the apartment but it was a good excuse to busy himself.

“Was the pasticceria crowded?”

“Not like it should be.”

While they munched on a cornetti al cioccolato, Nick tasted an unusual bitterness in his pastry. He first shrugged off it as tainted cocoa seeds from Ghana, then acted peevish. “The seeds got mixed in with the leaves.” He dumped sugar on the cornetto but it didn’t help. He continued the doctoring.

“What are you doing, Nicky?” Caterina grabbed his forearm but he moved it away. “You know it’s still difficult to get sugar.”

“Everything has been tasting off since I got here.”

“What did you expect? I do my best with what we can find.” Caterina got up and stood over him. “It was you who said that we should live together. You have changed. You run hot and cold, but mostly like the water we get piped into our place during winter, only a hint of warmth.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe I should never have told you that I went to università or that I was a Milanese.” He held his right palm up. “Maybe you preferred that I was a Roman puttana whom you could discard at any moment.” Caterina sat down and crossed her legs in a tangle. “I’ll tell you another thing. My father was a barone and we lost everything. Do you not see what the war has done to me?”

“I never mentioned my family came from Sicilia . But you had to make a point of my accent when I first spoke Italian to you.” He got up and poured the remains of the coffee into the sink. “You must’ve felt so superior coming from Lombardia . And now you tell me che tu sei nobilità !”

“Why are you bringing this up now? Like I have fallen for that North-South divide you seem to be accusing me of. You are picking a fight out of thin air.” She twisted her hair into knots, a few strands hanging loose. “Non ti capisco? Non ti conosco adesso!” His eyes were blank. “I don’t understand you, Nicky. I don’t know you now! Chi sei ?”

Nick knocked the chair backwards banging on the floor, as he rushed out the door. He returned much later, past the time they would have la cena together. He could see two dishes of pasta amatriciana lying in the sink basin uneaten and an empty bottle of red wine on the table. Caterina gazed at the wine glass and ignored Nick. He found an old San Francisco Chronicle on the dresser, which his mother has sent him weeks ago. Before Nick picked the newspaper up, he spotted a picture of the two of them, his arms around Caterina sitting at a table in Caffè Greco. It was wedged into the frame of the attached mirror. He removed the photo and studied it for a while, then placed it back in the same spot. He grabbed the paper and sat down at the table, pretending to read an article for a few minutes.

“ Mi dispiace ! I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

Caterina turned her head and said: “Come and watch the stars.” He followed her to the window, where she traced her finger on the upper part of the glass. “One of your favorite things to look at, no?”

Nick opened the windows and they peeked out. He placed his hands on her shoulder, lowering his head to get a better look. “That’s the Pleiades up there. The Seven Sisters of Calypso.”

“A good omen?”

“Yeah, Caterina. Good things are in the stars tonight.” He lied knowing the myth revealed that, while mourning for a loved one, the sisters committed suicide.

She swung around and grabbed his hands. “Come to bed. You won’t think so much when you lie with me.” Caterina led him there but their lovemaking did not last long. Nick got up from bed, went over to the window.

“Prego. Shut the window. It’s getting cold here.”

He ignored her, took out a cigarette and lit up. She remained silent and waited for him to finish his smoke, as she pulled the covers up to her neck.

“I’m going back to my old place. There’s been a lot of activity at headquarters. I need to be closer in case of an emergency.”

“What are you talking about? Just because Nathan is alone, you have to run back now. He’ll do fine without you there.”

Nick threw the lit butt out the window, as it smoked itself out. He put his trousers and shirt on and quickly tied his shoes.

“Where are you going so late in the night?”

He grabbed his coat off a hook on the wall and swung it over his shoulder. “I think we need to be separate for awhile, so I can sort things out for myself.”

“You walk out on me now, then I swear you will never see me again.” She sat up in the bed. “I thought you loved me!”

“I never said it that way.”

“ Allora , you feel love in your heart not with idle talk. I thought to myself, sooner or later, the words would follow, but you leave me now as if I have just been paid.” She got up and turned her back to him, her shoulders heaving up and down. “ Va ! You can sneak in here to get the rest of your things when I am at work.” His footsteps echoed down the stairs.

Nick pulled his collar up, as he hiked back to his old haunt. As his feet crunched on the ground, he assessed how things were unraveling. He had reasoned for a clean break with Caterina since Nathan and he were being sent north to Firenze within the week, where the CIC was setting up a new unit. He hadn’t told Caterina about his new assignment, but the more he thought about it, Nick convinced himself that he didn’t want to be cemented to any woman, rationalizing that Deborah and now Caterina had turned into phantasms floating above him at night. And anyway he couldn’t trust Caterina after the second incident with that strunzu from Caffé Greco. Maybe going to the same café with Caterina had been a lame-brained thing to do. But things were never that simple, as if anyone could redo things and erase the past like it never happened. Sure he was being hard on Caterina but a lot of his emotional guts had been spilled as soon as he landed in Sicily.

He also couldn’t get it out of his head that, even if his luck held out and he returned home safe to his famigghia, his cuginu was still dead. How could he face Ziu Francesco, who would forever connect Paul and him going off to war together? He never should have teamed up with Paul, like he was bad luck for his cousin. Caterina, a Milanese , would never understand an American, especially one with Sicilian roots. She would be better off without him. He was so conflicted about everything he didn’t know who he was fooling, least of all himself.