Tracie Peterson - Dawns Prelude

[vie could scarcely believe what she was hearing. Her brother had tried to have Lydia killed. He had stolen her child and returned to Kansas City as if nothing had happened. No wonder he didn't want the child seen in public. It all made sense now.

She didn't need to hear any more. Evie moved away from the office in a daze. Making her way upstairs, she couldn't even begin to comprehend the situation. Marston in his selfish cruelty had stolen Dalton from his mother. He'd tried to murder Lydia, just as their father had killed their mother. Evie was heartsick. Had the Gray men not done enough to hurt the innocent?

Lydia walked alongside her husband, enjoying the quiet of the afternoon. They were searching for chocolate lily, which Lerelda had requested. Kjell pointed to a patch. "There, see the green stems with the dark red flowers?"

They look like brown flowers to me," Lydia said, leaning closer. "So this is it?"

"Yes. The Tlingits call it koox. Actually, it has lots of names. Some people call it the Kamchatka lily or even wild rice. It's a part of the lily family" Kjell squatted down. "You pull the plant out, and you'll find a bulb with white kernels. This is the rice." He demonstrated. "You have to be careful or the hull) will fall apart and sprinkle the rice everywhere. I always like to put down a cloth beside the stems and hope for the best."

The stem held tight for a moment despite the damp soil. Kjcll finally loosened it and the hull) came out in one piece. "Success!" he declared proudly.

Lydia immediately followed suit and began gathering plants. The area was well shaded by large spruce and cedar trees. The ground was marshy and damp, a perfect environment for the muchloved dish. She was glad Kjell and Zerelda had insisted she wear her sturdy hoots. Even now, she could feel the wetness of the ground seeping into the leather.

"There is so much here that can be utilized," Lydia commented. "If you know what you're looking at, that is. I would have simply thought these were lovely flowers, and I never would have considered that the roots might offer something to eat."

"The Tlingit have learned to use much of the vegetation on this island. My mother would take the rice and mix it with the rhubarb that grows wild here. With a little sugar and cinnamon, it was quite a treat. I'll bet Zerelda knows how to do the same."

"I've enjoyed getting to know her better."

"Zee is well respected in Sitka. The people here know they can count on her for help. She's a wonderful midwife; she's helped deliver quite a few babies in her time."

Lydia looked up rather shyly. "I think I'd like to have a baby one day."

Kjcll responded with a shocked expression.

She laughed. "I suppose I have spoken too boldly."

"Not at all. I'm sorry if I seem surprised." He looked away and turned his attention to the rice once again.

Lydia, however, sensed he was uncomfortable. Have we ever talked about having children?"

"Of course. I hope one day we will have many, but…"

"But what?" Lydia frowned. "What's wrong?"

Kjcll shook his head. "Nothing, sweet." He smiled. "I simply want to make sure you are healed from your wounds. The doctor said it would be wise to keep your activities limited while you recuperate in full. Having a baby now would be hard on you."

I suppose you are right. Still, I find that I long for a child. I sometimes dream about having a baby. It's strange, but it seems so real." Lydia rose to her feet, but she winced at the pain in her neck and shoulder.

Are you all right?" Kjell asked. "We can return to the house. You need to take it slow and easy."

"Perhaps we should go back." Lydia didn't want to admit to how quickly she tired.

Kjcll nodded and gathered their collection of rice. "We've probably been gone too long as it is."

"It was so enjoyable," Lydia said as he came to her side. "I love how quiet and peaceful it is here."

He put his arm around her. "And I simply love you."

"I know you do. I'm so grateful for that love." Pausing, Lydia looked deep into his eyes. "You would tell me the truth if I asked for it, wouldn't you?"

Kjell frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I know that you and Zerelda know a lot more about my past than you are telling me. I also know the doctor said to not push myself and let time heal my body and mind. But, Kjell, you wouldn't try to keep things from me, would you?"

She studied his expression as he considered her question. It was obvious that he was hesitant to reply.

"Do you remember the verses we studied this morning?"

Nodding, Lydia reflected on their devotions. "It was about forgetting the past."

"I chose those verses because I thought God was leading me to share that with you. The past has its place in our life, but the present is so much more important. Living here and now, with a heart for what's truly beneficial and important."

"l3ut you have all of your memories, so it's easier for you to say that." Lydia started toward home and found Kjell quickly keeping step with her.

"It's not that it's easy," Kjell declared, "hut I have come to a better understanding. All through the Bible you will find verses that speak of forgetting the past. The past isn't something we can change or enhance. It cannot be rearranged or made over to better satisfy our current state. I firmly believe that God wants us to put the past to rest-as if it has died and we are burying it. Once a person dies and you busy them, you have no means by which you can bring them hack to life. Even in memory, they are still gone. In the same way, the past is still gone, even when you dwell on it."

Its so hard not knowing who I really am. I find that every day I must confront that reality. Do you realize how many things we react to purely based on our experiences? I would venture to say that nearly everything is that way. I have no experiences for many of the things I confront."

His expression grew sympathetic, and with great tenderness he touched her face. "In many ways I think you are the blessed one of us all. You have the ability to forget the pains and sorrows of the past and start anew. You get to make choices and plans based on nothing more than how you perceive them at this point in time. I find that rather refreshing… but I also respect that you feel overwhelmed at times."

Lydia grew thoughtful. "I'd never really thought to see it as a blessing. I've only focused on the grief of not knowing of feeling lost. But I have you and I have Zerelda." She smiled. "And you have both given me such love. I suppose eventually, should my memory not return, I will find a way to put it all away from me and enjoy what I have. I am trying to let it go, you know."

Kjell nodded. "I do, and you have done a wonderful job." He kissed her gently. "No one could expect more."

"I really love this time of year," Lydia said. She and Zcrelda were working together to prepare the garden soil. "Everything seems so alive and fresh."

"Spring goes rather quickly up here," Zerelda explained, "hut if you are wise and willing to work, you can use the lengthening hours of sunshine and grow a wealth of food. Then later in the summer, all the berries will ripen and we'll go picking. That's always fun but dangerous, too. The bears like to gather them, as well. The two most important things about berry picking arc to remember you aren't alone out there, and never pick any white berry. White berries are always poisonous."

Lydia nodded. "I'll remember." Then she frowned. "Well, at least I hope I will. I've probably said that about other things and now I can't remember them at all."