Tracie Peterson - Dawns Prelude

"I am." Kjell could barely speak.

Zerelda stepped closer. "Sweetheart, do you know who you are?"

Lydia seemed to consider this question for a moment, then shook her head. "No." She frowned and pulled her hand away from Kjell. "I have no idea." She tried to sit up.

"Don't," the doctor warned. "You'll tear your stitches and start bleeding again."

"I don't want to be here. I don't remember what happened." Lydia 's tone took on a definite sense of fear. "What's wrong with me?"

"There was a storm, and you were injured," the doctor said softly. "You were brought here to the hospital. Your wounds and the shock of their infliction have caused you to temporarily lose your memory. Don't be afraid. It sometimes happens."

"Who are you?" she asked.

"I'm Dr. Ensign. I've been taking care of you."

She seemed to accept this and nodded ever so slightly before looking to Zerelda. "And you… you're my aunt?"

"I am, although you have become much more like a daughter to me."

"Where is my mother?"

Zerelda bit her lower lip and looked to the doctor. Kjell saw the man nod as if encouraging her to explain. "Your mother passed on a long time ago."

"She's dead?" Lydia questioned, putting her hand over her eyes. "Why can't I remember?"

"Don't fret, child. I've seen this kind of thing before. It will pass in time. You need to rest for now." Dr. Ensign motioned to Zerelda and Kjell to come with him. "I'll send the orderly in with something to calm your nerves."

Lydia said nothing. She studied Kjell as he stepped away from the bed. He could feel her gaze upon him even as he exited the room. He wanted to scream in despair and cry for joy all at the same time. Lydia was alive and awake. It was a miracle that she had survived the attack. But her memory was gone. She didn't know him-didn't realize that she loved him or that he loved her.

They made their way to Dr. Ensign's office in stunned silence. Once they were seated, it was several minutes before the doctor addressed the situation.

"The mind is quite delicate," he told them. "It often cannot process shock. The circumstances of the attack, not to mention the blood loss, would be enough to cause her brain to… well, not function as it had before. We know so little about the way the mind works, but as I said, I've seen this before."

"What can be done?" Kjell asked.

"Nothing. We must be careful not to give her further shock. We mustn't lose patience with her inability to remember. We cannot try to force her knowledge of the past."

Kjell focused on the wooden floor. He felt like he was on a boat that had suddenly lost its buoyancy. Water was rushing in and would soon sink his vessel, but there was no understanding of how to stop it-how to fix the situation.

"There is one thing we must be extremely cautious about," the doctor continued. "Say nothing of the baby. I'm afraid in her delicate state of mind, it would cause her to lose her grip on reality altogether. I doubt she could withstand the truth."

Zerelda nodded and took hold of Kjell's hand. "Perhaps we should accept this as a blessing in disguise. It gives us and Lydia time."

Kjell's anger got the better of him. "Time for what? What possible hope can we give her?"

The older woman's expression softened. "Time for healing, Kjell. Maybe Lydia will never remember us or the baby, but she can learn to know us again. She lived with such a painful past, maybe it's best she not remember any of it. Maybe that's God's gift to her."

Some gift. He allows her child to be taken, along with her memory." Kjell couldn't fight the bitterness in his tone. He got to his feet. "I can't sit here any longer."

He stormed from the room and out of the hospital. He had no idea where he would go, but for now, he couldn't be there. Lydia took no comfort in his presence. Once again, he was unable to help.

Lydia tried to force her mind to clear. No matter how hard she tried, nothing of her life came hack to her. She felt alone and afraid. Her wounds left her weak and in pain, but she felt overwhelmed by the blank slate of her memory.

"Who am I? Why can't I remember?"

The woman who called herself Zerelda came into the room. She smiled as she approached. "Am I disturbing you?"

She studied the woman, trying hard to place her.

"Do you mind if I sit and talk with you for a few minutes?"

Lydia shook her head. "No. That would be fine."

"I know you're confused right now. Probably scared, too. I know I would be if I couldn't remember who I was or who anyone else was, for that matter."

"It's very frightening. I know I should he able to remember things-that I should know you… but I don't."

The woman had such compassion in her expression that Lydia immediately felt at ease. This person obviously cared a great deal about her. Lydia could sense that much.

"Tell me about my past. Tell me who I am. Who you arc."

"Well, I'm your aunt Zerelda Rockford. Some folks call me Zee. I am your father's sister."

"And where is my father?"

Lydia sensed the woman felt uncomfortable with her question. "Is he dead, too? Like my mother?"

Zerelda nodded. "Yes. He passed on almost a year ago."

"How?"

Again the woman shifted and seemed to consider her words. "There was a carriage accident. He was injured and died shortly afterward. You moved up here to be with me shortly after that. Do you remember anything about the move?"

Lydia thought for a moment. "No. Nothing comes to mind."

"Well, this is the town of Sitka in Alaska. We're on an island in the far northwest. It's not a big town by the standards of most American towns, but by Alaska standards, it's very large."

"Are you my only family?"

Zerelda couldn't hide a momentary look of surprise. Lydia figured it had to do with the man that had been there earlier. "I know I'm married to that… that… man."

"Yes, to Kjell Lindquist." Lydia saw the woman's face light up. "He's a good man, Lydia, and you loved him quite dearly. You two made the perfect couple."

"So we were happy?"

"Oh, very much so and in love." Zerelda laughed. "You haven't been married that long. Just since last November. Kjell's been so worried, he hasn't wanted to leave your side."

Lydia considered this for a moment. The man did seem very kind, and he looked at her with such concern. He must truly love her if he'd spent so much time watching over her. "How did we meet?"

Zerelda seemed amused by this question. "When you arrived you were exhausted. The travel had made you… seasick… and… well, you were extremely weak. You walked up the wharf and promptly fainted into Kjell's arms. When you came to, you explained who you were and that you were looking for me. Kjell knew me and brought you to my cabin."

Lydia tried to absorb the information, but it was proving too much. In fact, instead of offering comfort, it only served to make her more frustrated. Why couldn't she remember? "I think I should rest now.

Zerc1da patted her hand. "Yes, I'm sure that would be best. Just know that I love you, Liddie. I love you dearly and always will. We'11 get through this with God's help."

Lydia nodded. "I'm sure you're right." But even as her aunt got up to leave, Lydia felt overwhelmed with doubt. Would she ever remember the past? Would she ever have memory of her husband and what had caused her to fall in love with him?

And if she didn't, could she be a wife to him?

In the end, it wasn't Evie or Trayton who suggested she travel to Chicago. It was Thomas himself. Evie was stunned when her husband brought up the topic.