Anchee Min - Red Azalea

I fell into the reeds. When I rose, I saw that the other tractor had passed in front of me like a tiger sweeping over the bushes. Without seeing clearly, I knew the driver was Lu.

I was shaking. I could not think. I ran as fast as I could back to the barracks and gathered my platoon on three tractors. I kept saying, Brick factory, brick factory. I did not say anything else. I did not know anything else to say. I took my rifle and loaded it.

In half an hour the platoon reached the brick factory. My squad head came and reported that two tractors were found parked ten yards away from each other in the reeds. As I ordered the search, I started to realize Yan’s plan. I was wrapped in fear. The shadows of the soldiers moved between the brick lanes.

A memory emerged of Yan playing the erhu for me. The touch of the music. I kept walking, and a strange feeling rose slowly in me telling me that I was going mad. I cried out nervously. I said, Stop. The word came out of my mouth and caught me off guard. The soldiers took the word as an order. They all stopped and got down on their knees. Before I gathered up my mind, I heard a noise in the distance. I began to believe that I had really gone mad, because I thought I was hearing Little Green’s murmuring and the sound of bodies thrusting.

The squad head asked me if we should move forward. I heard myself say, Load! in Yan’s voice. We followed the sound. Noises increased. I began to lose my sense of reality. I let the soldiers pass me. I heard the sound of something, like a bag of potatoes being tossed. I heard odd steps mixed with animallike sounds. My fear deepened.

It was at that moment when I heard my squad head shout Freeze! that my heart was paralyzed. The squad head reported to me that he had caught the evildoers. Flashlights and rifles were raised in the air. The spot was brightened as if the moon had dropped. I adjusted my eyes from the dark to the light and the image that faded into my sight split my heart in half.

Yan and Lu were locked together, half naked, like a pair of grotesque mating silkworms. The strong flashlights whitened their bodies. Shadowing her eyes with a hand, Yan got up. She made a move pretending to run. The soldiers tightened their circle, and she was made to give up.

A petrol tractor came; the Chief Party Secretary stepped down. The soldiers made a path for him. I stood in amazement. I was amazed by Yan’s plan. I understood that Yan would always be my ruler.

Yan put her shirt back on slowly. She looked around and picked up Lu’s shirt. She went to cover Lu with it. She performed elegantly. Lu lay motionless, in shock. It has nothing to do with her, Yan said calmly, pointing at Lu. I seduced her and I’ll take the punishment for my crime.

Lu screamed, No! She screamed, It is not what you see. Not at all! I am Yan’s victim. Yan kept silent and then said, I am sorry. She kept saying, I am sorry, as if she had lost control of her nerves. Lu cried and said, It’s not that. It’s a trap. A trap in which two reactionaries had planned to murder a revolutionary. She pointed at me. She said I was the ally.

The soldiers looked confused. Anybody in the company who had a brain would not have believed for a minute that Yan would have a relationship with Lu. The two were as incompatible as fire and water. Yet the Chief would not notice the subtlety. He fell right into Yan’s trap. Yan moved forward. She was taking advantage of everyone’s shock. She fell down on her knees and covered her face with her palms as if deeply embarrassed. She convinced the crowd that what they had caught was an unbelievable truth. The truth that seemed so much like a bad puppet show.

I took Yan’s hint and rode on the confusion. I pointed at Lu’s nose, I said, Lu, you will double your crime by making unfounded and scurrilous attacks on an innocent. I said to the Chief, The real reactionary has begun her attack. The Chief nodded and said, Let her perform. Lu yelled, Chief, I am asking for justice. Yan said, Chief, it’s not Lu, it’s me. Lu said, Chief, you can’t let them get away. We can’t be soft on treating the reactionaries. The Chief locked his hands behind his back and began to walk back to his tractor. A robber cries, Stop the thief! He sneered. Lu crawled to his feet. I swear I’ve never cheated on the Party. You must trust me. The Chief got on the tractor and signaled the driver to start the engine. You two-the Chief pointed at Lu and Yan-my best officers in the entire farm, have shamed me. He stopped as if it hurt him to go on. Lu begged for a chance to explain. The Chief said, How do you explain when I have seen all this with my own eyes? The tractor began to pull away as the Chief pronounced his sentence: To make a clean field, one must pull up weeds by the roots.

As a comrade with a good record, my case was dropped. I was to be sent to the Shanghai Film Studio to be trained as an actress.

The headquarters held a farewell party for me. Everyone made a toast to congratulate me. The Chief awarded me a red flag with golden embroidered characters. I was the Honored Soldier. Our Red Fire Farm is proud of you being chosen, said the Chief. You must live up to the people’s earnest expectations.

Not for a minute could I stop thinking of Yan. She was detained and shut in a dark room in a water tower with Lu. I could not imagine leaving the farm when Yan was not safe. But I knew by giving up my chance I would not help Yan’s situation. It could only reveal more evidence of the truth that Yan and I were the real evildoers. I realized that for Yan’s sake I had to go.

I began packing. I had taken Yan’s life. What would be left for her at the farm? I could just imagine her lying in the cold net alone at night with nothing to look forward to the next day.

I got up in the early dawn when it was still dark. I climbed down into Yan’s empty net and sobbed while embracing her things. I took her Mao button collection with me as I left the net for good.

It was still dark as I waited for the first truck to Shanghai at the crossroad. The wind was strong. The churned-up sand and dust were like thousands of tiny whips hitting my face, drilling through my collar down to the spine. In saying goodbye to the fields, all the experiences I had had with Yan rushed up to me, beginning with the first day I had arrived at the farm and saw her appear at the horizon.

The truck came. I got on. As it pulled away, I felt the world surrounding me begin to spin like a wheel. When the truck passed by the water tower, I saw in my blurred vision a figure standing on top of the water tower with a red flag fluttering behind her.

The dust and dampness had gelled my hair. I had been sitting on an open truck for four hours now. The cold wind cooled my burning insides. The cow-hair rain mixed with the descending fog wet my scarf. The loose threads of the scarf touched my chin, reminding me of Yan’s wet braids. Fields of green rice paddies flew past my eyes. My mind kept going back to Yan. I was a shell with its pearl missing.

I swallowed a mouthful of cold air. My red scarf was blown away. I failed to catch it. The truck kept running. The scarf carried my sorrow. It descended on a wet field. A cow had been plowing not far from it. An old peasant held a whip high. The whip made a crisp roaring sound above the cow’s head.

I called my mother at work from a public phone. I told her that I was in Shanghai. Mother went speechless. She was too excited. She picked me up at the bus station. She ran toward me and almost fell. When she regained her balance she looked me up and down. Mother took my hands in hers and said I had grown. Through the bus station window spring was flourishing. Leaves were dripping dew. Mother said that the fresh green leaves always brought her hope. Taking my hand, she looked at my fungicide-dyed nails and tried to scratch the brown color off. I told her not to bother. Mother put down my hand and said, You have gained quite a bit of weight. I said I weighed a hundred and fifty pounds. Your face is the shape of a pea now. Mother laughed. She was so happy. I said, Do I look like a real peasant? Yes you do, very much.