Anchee Min - Empress Orchid

I told him that I was not interested.

“The belt is the Imperial color, bright yellow, of course,” An-te-hai began, ignoring me. “A work of original Manchu craftsmanship, functional but exquisite.” Seeing that I didn’t object, he went on. “It is reinforced with horsehair and ornamented with white folded silk ribbons. The belt has been passed down from His Majesty’s ancestors and is worn during important ceremonies. The court’s astrologer has exact specifications about how His Majesty should wear such items. Usually Emperor Hsien Feng will also wear an ivory tube with toothpicks, a knife in a sheath of rhinoceros horn and two perfume sachets embroidered with tiny pearls. Originally these were made of tough linen used to replace a broken bridle.”

I smiled, appreciating the eunuch’s intention. An-te-hai always knew how to set off my craving for knowledge.

“Does Nuharoo know what you know?” I asked An-te-hai.

“Yes, my lady, she does.”

“Was it part of the reason that she was chosen?”

An-te-hai went quiet. I could tell that he didn’t want to offend me.

I dropped the subject and said, “An-te-hai, from now on you are responsible for refreshing my knowledge of royal life.” I avoided saying the words “teach me.” I noticed that An-te-hai would be more at ease and provide me with better information if I acted like his master instead of his pupil.

“I want you to suggest what I should wear during the coming Chinese New Year’s celebration.”

“Well, first you have to be sure that you never dress above your rank. Yet you don’t want to appear unimaginative. That is to say, you have to be able to foretell what the Grand Empress and Empress Nuharoo might wear.”

“Yes, that makes sense.”

“I would assume that their jadeite pendants will be in the shape of lotus leaves, their other ornaments of pearl and pink tourmaline. They will take care not to step over Emperor Hsien Feng. His pendant is a carving of a triple goat, an auspicious sign he wears only on the eve of the Chinese New Year.”

“What should my pendant be?”

“Any sign or symbol you please, as long as you don’t outshine the two ladies. As I said, you don’t want to underdress either, because you don’t want to forfeit His Majesty’s attention. You must do everything in your power to stand out among thousands of concubines. You might not get to see your husband at all except on those occasions.”

I wished that I could invite An-te-hai to join me for breakfast instead of serving me, watching me eat and then going to his quarters to have a cold yam.

He appreciated my feelings and was happy to enslave himself. I knew that he was weaving his future around me. If I became Hsien Feng’s favorite, his position would be elevated. But I was getting no attention from His Majesty. How long did I have to wait? Would I ever get a chance? Why was I not hearing anything from Chief Eunuch Shim?

It had been seven weeks since I entered the Palace of Concentrated Beauty. I no longer looked at the yellow glazed roofs. Their brilliance had faded in my eyes. The task of picking out dresses to wear in the morning bored me to tears. I realized by now that I would dress up for no one else to see. Even my eunuchs and ladies in waiting would not be there to witness the perfection of my beauty. They were instructed to hide themselves when not called. I usually ended up alone after I was fully dressed.

Every day I found myself standing in the middle of the splendid but empty palace, my neck stretched long and hard from morning to noon. Countless times I dreamed of Emperor Hsien Feng’s visit. In my fantasies he came, took my hand and passionately embraced me.

Lately I had been sitting by my pond. Dressed up like a fool, I watched the turtles and toads. In the morning the sun lingered over the garden, and two turtles would swim up lazily. They floated on top of the water for a time and then crawled over to a flat rock to relax. Slowly one would get on top of the other. They would lie motionless in this position for hours, and I would sit with them.

The beautiful wide-open eyes look dead, although her posture is erect and her costume magnificent -lines from old operas repeated themselves inside my head.

An-te-hai appeared from the bushes holding a cup of tea on a tray.

“Is my lady having a good day?” An-te-hai placed the tea in front of me.

I sighed and told him that I didn’t feel like having tea.

An-te-hai smiled. He leaned over and pushed the turtles gently back into the water. “You are too anxious, my lady. Don’t be.”

“Life is too long in the Forbidden City, An-te-hai,” I said. “Even the seconds are hard to pass.”

“The day will come,” An-te-hai said. His expression showed a sincere belief. “His Majesty will summon you, my lady.”

“Will he?”

“You must believe that he will.”

“Why would he?”

“Why wouldn’t he?” An-te-hai rose from his knees.

“Speak no more of false hope, An-te-hai!”

“You can’t afford to lose your confidence, my lady. What else do you own besides hope? His Majesty has placed you on the west side of his palace. I believe that is the sign of a strong interest. All the fortune-tellers I have consulted predict that he will summon you.”

My mood lightened and I picked up the tea.

“May I ask”-the eunuch smiled as if he felt better himself-“if my lady is prepared if the summons comes tonight? In other words, is my lady familiar with the mating ritual?”

Embarrassed, I replied, “Of course I am.”

“If you desire an explanation, I am here to help.”

“You?” I couldn’t help laughing. “Watch your behavior, An-te-hai.”

“Only you know whether or not I was behaving, my lady.”

I went quiet.

“I will be glad to drink the poison you hand me,” An-te-hai said softly.

“Perform your duty and waste no words.” I smiled.

“Wait for me, my lady. I’ll show you something.” Quickly An-te-hai collected the tea set and left. Moments later he returned with a paper box in his hand. Inside was a pair of silkworm moths.

“I got this from the garden of the Palace of Benevolent Tranquility,” An-te-hai said. “It is where the elder concubines live-twenty-eight of them, left by Emperor Hsien Feng’s father and grandfather. These are their pets.”

“What do they do with moths?” I asked. “I thought they spent their days doing embroidery.”

“Well, the ladies watch and play with the moths,” An-te-hai said. “It is the same as the emperors and princes indulging themselves with crickets. The only difference is that there is no competition between silkworm moths.”

“What’s the fun in watching moths?”

“You have no idea, my lady.” As if revealing a mystery, An-te-hai be-came excited. “The ladies love to watch the moths couple, and then they tear them apart in the middle of their mating ritual. Would you like me to show you?”

Imagining what An-te-hai would do, I raised my hands in the air. “No! Take the box back. I am not interested!”

“All right, my lady, I won’t show you today. But someday you will want to see this. You will then understand the fun of it, just like the other ladies.”

“What happens when you tear the moths apart?” I asked.

“They bleed to death.”

“And that is the ‘fun’ you were talking about?”

“Precisely.” An-te-hai smiled, misreading, for the first time, my thoughts.

“Whoever does this must have a sick mind,” I said, turning my head toward the distant mountains.

“Well, to those in despair it helps healing,” the eunuch said quietly.

I turned and stared into the open box.

Two moths were becoming one. Half of the male’s body was inside the female’s.