Mingmei Yip - Song of the Silk Road

“You know what…. Please let me see you,” he pleaded, his astronomer’s eyes moving up toward heaven, then back down to earth.

“But aren’t you seeing me already? I’m right in front of you.”

Ignoring my nonsense, Alex lifted me up and gently set me down on the blanket, putting his hand under my head so I wouldn’t hit the ground.

He sighed. “Lily, I want to feast on your beauty every day.”

“Then what about the rest of me?”

After more verbal foreplay, my lover finally devoted himself to my body, his hands gentle yet firm, like a master chef kneading his dough. I closed my eyes to enjoy his touch. I never thought I was the most beautiful woman in the world, but his tender hands made me think just that. I didn’t think I was the sexiest, but the burning desire on his face made me imagine just that. I didn’t think I was the most romantic, but now it was as if I could see his eyes filled with stars. I didn’t think I was the most passionate, but my lover’s long, lingering howl made me think just that….

After love, we cuddled each other as we drifted off to sleep. Later I awoke shivering. So I nudged Alex, suggesting we get inside the truck and turn on the heat. Once we were inside with the seats pulled down and the heater on high, to my surprise, Alex wanted sex again.

Where did that endless energy and desire come from? That’s the price one paid for having a young lover. Maybe that’s why in traditional China women had at least eight or nine children, if not more. Because they married in their teens and their boy-husbands just wouldn’t leave them alone!

Though at first wanting to sleep, soon I was happy to comply. Especially since he’d suffered so much from the sinking sand and the worry of my attempted assault the other day.

After that, Alex held me as we watched the stars through the vehicle’s windows. In the moonlight filled with dense, sex-filled qi , I felt dizzy from a dreamy happiness.

I smoothed my lover’s hair, enjoying its sensuous silkiness. “Alex,” I asked, “is there nothing but sex between a man and a woman?”

“Of course not. I love my mother and sister, but I never thought of having sex with them.”

I turned to look him in the eyes. “You have a sister? How come you never mentioned her?”

“Sorry. Because she died.”

“How?” Now I was completely alert.

“She was my twin sister adopted with me. You know, we’re what the Chinese call the ‘dragon and phoenix twins.’ ”

I was completely enthralled by this unexpected revelation.

He went on. “She was born with a heart defect. Mom and Dad spent a fortune on treatment, but all the operations still failed to save her life.”

“I’m so sorry, Alex. How old was she when she died?”

“Ten.”

“Oh, my God!”

“She was my best friend. I used to tell her everything and cook for her. She also wanted to cook for me but couldn’t manage because of her disease. So she pretended to fix me meals—breakfast, lunch, one time even a gourmet dinner.”

I didn’t know what to say. I felt guilty that the sadness now on Alex’s face rendered him even more handsome. I bent to kiss him softly on his lips. “Alex, I’m sorry. But you can cook for me now, and if you don’t mind my poor culinary skills, I’ll cook for you, too.”

He looked even sadder.

The next day when I woke up in the truck, Alex was still sound asleep. The light hairs on his bare chest stirred softly in the slight desert breeze. My hand reached to stroke his cheek, but he flipped to the other side like a fish eluding my grasp.

I’d been reminding myself that I shouldn’t let my young lover take up so much of my time, that I was in China to carry out my mission of collecting the three million dollars. Once the prospect arose of having all this money, I realized how desperately I needed to escape my penny-pinching life.

Maybe now I had an additional option—saying yes to Alex’s proposal. But I would be living on his money. And his parents’. Could I swallow Donna’s disdainful treatment and take his parents’ thrown-on-the-ground-so-pick-it-up money? Of course not. For now, what I needed was to complete my mission and, in the meantime, just enjoy Alex’s company.

Once Alex awoke we had a brief discussion of plans. Both of us agreed we’d had enough desert adventures, so we headed back toward Urumqi. On the way, we posted the box with the hair to its intended destination in Beijing.

Despite the difficulties we had experienced here, we were actually about to go out of the notorious Go-In-But-Never-Come-Out desert. Alex would be with me, at least for now, but it was unlikely we would ever come back, wherever our lives took us. I thought of all that had happened here and that I would be leaving behind—Keku and her little son Mito; Floating Cloud and Pure Wisdom; Soaring Crane and Ah Hung; but most of all, Lop Nor. Whenever I remembered his kindness toward me and his tragic life, and death, I was greatly saddened. Suddenly I felt I should make a final visit to Black Dragon Pond to say a last good-bye. I wanted Alex with me but was not sure how he would take to this idea. To my relief, he quickly agreed.

“I would like that. You speak well of him and he was good to you, so I feel I would like to know more about him.” He cast me a suspicious glance. “As long as you promise me that you only liked him, not loved him.”

I nodded, and Alex took me in his arms and kissed me. “Lily, you’re such a good person. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Alex.” Then I realized that I’d just uttered the ultimate words.

“You do?”

I nodded. “But…”

“Shhh…” He put his finger across his mouth. “I’ll give you time, I promise.”

“Thanks.”

Gently I detached from his hold, pulled from my backpack Lop Nor’s necklace, and handed it to Alex. “He left me this,” I said, feeling my eyes moisten.

Alex studied the pendant and remained silent for moments, then he turned to me. “Lop Nor is gone, but I am here for you and I always will be.”

The next day, Alex and I arrived at the Black Dragon Pond early in the morning. Neither of us had talked much, both lost in our own thoughts. I asked a tourist to take pictures of me and Alex together, then took Alex’s hand and led him along the jade green water.

Despite the beauty of the scene, with white clouds floating along a pure blue sky, my friend had lost his life here, his unhappy fate no fault of his own. It brought to my mind the famous expression from Laozi: “Heaven and Earth are indifferent, treating all things like straw dogs.” I asked Alex if he knew this saying.

He spoke eagerly. “Of course. In ancient China, people used straw to make objects resembling animals to be used as ritual offerings. They burned them to symbolize the fateful end of all things. Chinese don’t believe that heaven and earth are cruel, just that things follow their natural, inevitable course.”

“Wow, Alex, you really do know about Chinese culture.”

A smile bloomed on his face, finally. “I’m a graduate student in Chinese studies at Columbia, remember?”

“Maybe that’s why the Chinese often lament, when the custom is lost, we have to learn it back from the Barbarians.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “Exactly. That’s why I, the barbarian, am here for you.”

In the tranquil, expansive area surrounding the lake, only a few tourists milled about, some talking, others pressing down shutter buttons with swift fingers. A young girl struck a few daring poses for her boyfriend to save for eternity. Three teenage boys joked around, pretending to push one of them into the lake. A fortyish, strong-featured man, perhaps Japanese, wearing a black T-shirt, khaki pants, and a baseball hat, was taking pictures with an intimidating, professional-looking camera on a tripod—perhaps a photo-journalist working for some famous travel magazine.