Mingmei Yip - The Nine Fold Heaven

More tears oozed from the once-lantern-bright, but now glassy fish eyes. I took out my handkerchief to dab those soul’s windows through which, for now, her soul seemed to have departed. At that moment a white-robed doctor and a white-uniformed nurse came into the room and walked straight toward us.

Both cast me a curious look. The nurse asked, “Are you a relative?”

“No, just a friend.”

“Then step aside and come back in fifteen minutes, Doctor is going to check on her.”

Outside the big room I took a seat on a bench next to a young woman holding her son. She looked worried and the baby looked sick. So I decided not to bother them with conversation. The shock of seeing a bandaged and banged-up Shadow had depleted my body and my spirit. Suddenly, I felt ten years older and completely drained of energy. What had happened to Shadow could also have happened to me if Old Heaven decided I was his enemy. And that sick baby right next to me, would he make it? And if not, how would his mother cope? What about my little Jinjin, was he now in good health doted on by a loving family, or was he being neglected and abused?

In the hospital, all I could see was a sea of despondent faces. Now, sitting beside this sad mother and children, and waiting to hear about my horribly injured friend, I wondered if misery was all one can expect in this life. I hoped not. I still wished that someday I’d be reunited with Jinying and Jinjin, even win back Shadow as a real friend.

Lost in these thoughts, it was a moment before I realized that the doctor and nurse were now standing in front of me.

I stood up, put on my best smile, and asked politely, “Doctor, will my friend be okay?”

“She’s had a torn ligament—it will take some long time to heal.”

“Why is her face bandaged? Did it get burned?”

“Only slightly. She should be fine, maybe only one or two small scars.”

“Then why is it all bandaged?”

“To prevent possible infection; besides, she has some abrasions.”

Now the nurse cut in. “Do you know if she has any relatives?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Someone has to pay for her expenses.”

“I can pay for her.”

“Good. Go to the cashier now and take care of the bill.”

And this concluded the conversation about the life and death of a young, beautiful, talented woman.

I visited Shadow every day in the hospital, bringing her food and soup, fresh fruits, and special grape juice that is supposed to be good for sick people.

Then when I arrived one day the bandages were gone from her face. Her cheeks were so sunken that it made her eyes look ominously big, like lanterns on a ghostly night. But she was still the Shadow who was both my friend and my sometimes rival.

“How are you feeling, Shadow?”

Without the bandages, I could better understand what she was saying to me.

Instead of answering my question, she asked, “Why are you so kind to me, Camilla? Why don’t you just let me rot my way to hell?”

Wah! How unkind when I had come nearly every day to feed and care for her! Could I admit that the reason I was nice was because I now realized we shared similar fates? So I hoped we could now be allies instead of adversaries? That I wanted something out of this too? But I couldn’t really say these things.

Then she spoke again, with effort. “Thanks, anyway, for everything.” She lowered her head and thought for a while. “Camilla, I screwed up our last show—you’re not angry at me?”

“But I also sliced off part of your finger. So we’re even. We can have a fresh start. Shadow, instead of trying to outwit or destroy each other, women like us should help each other out.”

“How’s that?”

“Because no one else cares. We’re alone, rootless souls struggling to survive on the margins of this Red Dust. We were both famous in Shanghai, but think about it, one day when we die, people will have forgotten us the next.”

She remained silent.

I went on. “Because we don’t have a family or husband for support. Shadow, we’re all by ourselves.”

She sighed. “Maybe you’re right, my friend.”

“I’m very sorry about your fall. But why did your partner suggest taking down the safety net? Did she try to harm you on purpose?”

She shook her head. “No, it was my idea.”

I was surprised to hear that. “But why?!”

“Because the circus has been doing so badly that I wanted to attract a bigger audience. If this circus closes, I have no place to go. I really don’t want to end up on the street….”

She began to cry. I took out my handkerchief and handed it to her.

“Shadow, from now on you don’t have to worry about money anymore….”

She nodded, a bitter smile spreading on her face.

After a moment’s silence, we asked each other simultaneously, “Why are you in Hong Kong?”

“You go first, Shadow.”

“All right. Since I screwed up your show, I feared you’d take revenge on me. Not to mention you’re Master Lung’s woman, so you could even ask him to kill me. Who knows? But when you disappeared right after the shooting at Lung’s villa, I suspected you had something to do with the gang war. Remember, Master Ling used to tease us that we’re ‘sisters,’ so I feared that the gang would think I also had something to do with what happened. I thought the smart thing to do was get out of Shanghai.”

Shadow took a big gulp of the milk I had bought her, then asked, “All right, Camilla, then why did you come to Hong Kong?”

“It’s a long story. If you have the energy to listen.”

“Just tell me.”

“I stole Master Lung’s money during the shooting and made my escape here.”

She fixed on my eyes with her lackluster ones, a puzzled expression on her still slightly swollen face. “Why have you told me this? You’re not afraid I’ll tell the others?”

I knew she thought I had told her because I planned to kill her anyway.

I looked back into her sunken eyes. “Shadow, if we don’t help each other, no one will. So we’re in the same boat. Think about it. Even if I eliminate you, what good will it do me now in Hong Kong?”

She nodded weakly.

I smiled. “Anyway, Shadow, you don’t have to worry. Since I’ve been paying for your hospital bills, now you’re my accomplice. So you can’t expose me because they’ll assume you were in on it too.”

Some silence passed and she cast me a curious look. “Guess you’re right, Camilla; we have no choice but to be friends and allies.”

I nodded.

“Why are you helping me?”

“I am just collecting some good karma for myself. You know, just in case.”

“In case of what?” she asked, then chuckled nervously. “Look at me, Camilla, you really think I can help you—or anybody—now?”

“I don’t know yet. Shadow, I believe it is our karma to do more together than just rub shoulders and walk past each other.”

She nodded, looking unbearably sad. Despite the injuries and pain, she kept her beauty, though now with more than a touch of melancholy.

I was perhaps more surprised than she to discover that I felt real compassion for my shadowy, magician rival, now to be friend.

When Shadow was finally released from the hospital, she went back to live with the other performers at a dilapidated dorm apartment provided by the circus in Kowloon’s Walled City, a very old and poor area. Apparently, the rumor that the circus was closing was not true, at least not yet. Since Shadow could not perform, she was assigned to do clerical work. However, if the circus did close, or just became tired of having her around, she would probably have to become a cleaning maid. I knew she felt too humiliated to ask me for more money. And she may have thought that my telling her I was rich was merely boasting.