Bi Feiyu - Three Sisters

The day for Yumi to lay her cards on the table finally arrived, but Yuxiu was still in the dark. Guo Jiaxing had gone to a meeting out of town, leaving the sisters home alone. The house was oppressively still, an outbreak of close combat threatening to erupt at any minute. Right after breakfast Yumi summoned her sister from the kitchen. Yuxiu rushed into the living room, water dripping from her hands. One glance told her that something was wrong. Yumi was sitting with her legs crossed in the rattan chair, a seat normally reserved for her husband. She didn’t say anything right away, and Yuxiu’s heart sank. She stood in front of Yumi, who ignored her and contemplated her own feet. Then she reached into her purse, took out two yuan, and laid the money on the table. “This is for you, Yuxiu,” she said. With her eyes on the money, Yuxiu breathed a sigh of relief.

This was a welcome development, not what Yuxiu had expected. “I don’t want any money,” she said. “I don’t need to be paid for waiting on my own sister.” That was just the right thing to say.

But it had no effect on Yumi, who then took out a ten-yuan bill and fingered it for a moment before laying it next to the two yuan. “Give this ten yuan to Mama.”

With that, Yumi got up and went into her bedroom, and as she stood alone in the living room, Yuxiu realized what was happening. “Give this ten yuan to Mama.” Yumi was telling Yuxiu to go back to Wang Family Village, wasn’t she?

In the grip of panic, Yuxiu followed her sister into the bedroom. “Sister,” she said.

Yumi ignored her.

“Sister!” Yuxiu called out again.

With her back to Yuxiu, Yumi crossed her arms and gazed out the window. “Sister,” Yuxiu repeated, controlling her emotions. “I can’t go back to Wang Family Village. If you force me to go, I’ll have to kill myself.”

Clever as always, Yuxiu knew that this was exactly the right thing to say. To begin with, she was telling the truth, but it also represented strength in weakness. That is, while it sounded feeble, almost like begging, hidden in it was the power of coercion when directed at her own sister.

With a faint smile Yumi turned and said with due politeness, “Go ahead, Yuxiu, kill yourself. I’ll find you some nice woolen funeral clothes.”

This shocking comment took Yuxiu’s breath away. Her indignation was no match for the crippling shame she felt. She stared with a dazed look at Yumi, who returned her gaze. The length of time that the two sisters stared at each other, unblinking, was protracted and grim; it carried the dual significance of ending the past and creating a new beginning.

Yuxiu blinked and her gaze began to soften. Softer and softer, weakening even her legs until she fell to her knees in front of Yumi. She knew perfectly well that the effect of kneeling lasted forever. Once you go down on your knees, that’s where you will stay, always inferior.

Still Yumi said nothing. As Yuxiu knelt, tears spilled from her eyes; she kowtowed, touching her head to her sister’s feet. Time passed slowly. Then, dropping her arms, Yumi crouched down and began gently stroking Yuxiu’s hair, over and over as her eyes also filled with tears, big translucent drops that ran down her cheeks. Cupping Yuxiu’s chin in her hand, she said, “How could you lose sight of who we are, Yuxiu? Have you forgotten that we’re sisters? I’m your big sister.” There wasn’t a false note in what she was saying. She wrapped her arms around Yuxiu and held her close.

Enough had been said by then that Yumi felt it was time to get everything out in the open. And so, she talked in fits and starts, starting with the day of her engagement, all the way up to her plans to bring Yuxiu to town to see if she could make something of her life. Tears of sadness accompanied every word. “Yuxiu,” she said, “our brother is just a baby, and of all the girls in our family, you’re the only one who has a chance. How can you not know what’s in my heart? Why must you act like a seductress? Why do you always fight me?” There was a bleak quality to Yumi’s voice. “You have to amount to something, Yuxiu, you just have to. Show the people of Wang Family Village what you’re made of. Please don’t disappoint me anymore.”

Yuxiu looked up at Yumi, and at that moment she knew she was not her sister’s equal; she had let her down terribly and was unworthy of her.

She burst out crying. “I’ve been a terrible sister and I’m so sorry.”

“Have you no feelings for family?” Yumi said. “Not this family, our family?”

Yuxiu sobbed as she let go of her sister’s legs and listened carefully. Guilt and remorse told her that this time she’d really and truly grown up and had become an adult. She vowed she’d never again do anything to disappoint her sister, no matter what. She buried her head in Yumi’s bosom and said what was in her heart. “Everything, it’s all been my fault, and I swear I’ll never disappoint you again. If I do I know I’ll die a horrible death.”

The sun at noon that Sunday was blazing hot, so Yumi decided to air the winter clothes—which had been stored in a chest during the rainy season—since fastidious homemakers always aired their clothing under the summer sun to prevent mold.

Yuxiu rummaged through closets and opened chests, adorning the yard with lines of colorful clothing and filling the air with the smell of mothballs, an odor that Yumi had actually liked in years past. But this year was a little different—the smell did not please her, probably as a result of her morning sickness. Almost everything smelled different these days. Sitting in the living room, hands resting on her belly, she felt good about herself, perfectly contented now that she had claimed final victory. By the look of things, she would have the last laugh.

What she had to concern herself with now was how to get Guo Jiaxing moving in the right direction to find a job for Yuxiu. She sat in his rattan chair all afternoon, half asleep, lazily fanning herself with a dried palm frond and gazing through half-closed eyes at the clothing in the yard. Eventually her eyes closed and the fan dropped to the floor. Yuxiu rushed over, picked it up, and waved it over her sister for a while until she woke up. Life is not perfect, Yumi thought. But everything is going smoothly—like a lovely maiden’s features—so why not enjoy my pregnancy? This is my chance to take it easy.

Yuxiu kept going back out into the blazing heat; the shimmering sunlight was harsh and blinding. She squinted as she turned the pieces of clothing in the yard with light, nimble movements. Standing amid the piles of clothes with the weight of the heat on her, she smelled the powerful odor of mothballs that permeated and spread under the sun. She breathed in deeply as her spirit soared. That feeling came not only from the mothballs, but from something else as well. After years of contending with Yumi, she had fallen to her knees before her sister in the end. Her unconditional surrender had brought happiness, a different kind of bliss.

When it gains the quality of habit, submission can be addictive and can make a person content with her lot and turn her into someone who is willingly compliant. And it feels better with the passage of time. Qiaoqiao’s absence from home, of course, played an important role, and the longer she stayed away, the simpler life became. Yuxiu assumed that Qiaoqiao would not be returning anytime soon, certainly not until the blowup over being sent down to a production unit in the countryside had died down. But even if she did come home, it wouldn’t be long before she was off to work in the textile mill. So Yuxiu allowed herself to envision a hopeful future. She began to hum a song she’d heard in a movie and a few tunes from a local opera.