Kathryn Davis - Versailles

JOSEPH: You're joking.

JEANNE: I have no sense of humor, haven't you heard?

JOSEPH: And what do you suggest they do with the crown?

JEANNE: That's easy. Give it to someone else. Give it to Provence. Provence has had his eye on the crown since the day he was born. He's a bully. A pig. He'll make a wonderful King.

Joseph leaves the window and walks over to sit beside Jeanne.

JOSEPH: Even if I thought you were right, which I don't, I'd still have to try convincing Louis to have the operation. I promised my mother.

JEANNE , taking a last bite of the chicken, then turning to kiss him: Such a good little boy…

JOSEPH: The operation. The Queen's behavior. The alliance with Austria. Three things. I promised.

JEANNE: Shhh. Come here.

JJOSEPH: Her final request, really.

JJEANNE: Aren't you being a little melodramatic?

Tick tick tick tick. Twenty-two kilometers from Paris to Versailles. The season changing, the summer ending. August of Wheat, August of Oats. Deepening shadows, violet, indigo. The mill wheels turn, the mice move indoors.

Six hundred steps from the court to the entrance, fifty-eight steps from the door to the stairs. Tap tap tap tap. Shoes of soft leather, hard diamond heels. Where is the time gone? Who is the thief?

Where is the farmer who marks its passage, in hours long as the harvest allows? Mown fields unspool like bolts of dark velvet, snipped short at nightfall, rolled up and stored. The cat goes out hunting, the soul shuts its doors.

Transfiguration, the Feast of the Virgin. From Whitsun to All Saints', two hundred days. Down the longhall way, then left at the windows. Dice flung, a curse, in the chamber of clocks.

The Queen has grown restless. The Queen wants distraction. She's tired of sitting alone in her room, embroidering purses. Silk purse from a sow's ear, meaning the King. My dear, says Artois, what a pleasant surprise. Licking his lips as he scoops up the dice.

Tick tick tick tick. Shadows like water, flickering candles. The Clockmaker fixes the stars in their courses, planets and moons, a ruby, a pearl. From Easter to Whitsun, from All Saints' to Advent. From Advent to Christmas to darkest despair. The Baby's grown up, the Baby is dying, the Baby can't wait to be born once again.

Far far away in her garden retreat, the Queen's mother sits like a sack of sand. Snow on the mountaintops, eternal snow, her son in Bavaria, waging war. How old she's grown, old and ugly. France fighting England, no heir yet in sight. Madame my dear daughter, be prudent, take care. You might as well caution the sun not to rise. The King of Prussia rattles his saber, one eye on Austria, one eye on France.

In the chamber of clocks the gamblers play on. Clock of Creation, Clock of the Sphere. The Queen flings the dice across the green felt. A minute cracks open, a second comes out. Tiny, a bubble, its walls thin as hope.

And what is pleasure, really? If I lived for pleasure, what does that mean?

A lesser god than Eros, certainly. Not even a god, when you come to think about it. A kobold. An imp.

Louis finally consented to the operation, following my brother's visit. Early September, the time of the grape harvest, just before the Blessed Virgin's birthday. One little snip of Lassone's knife, that was all it took, and the next thing I knew the marriage was consummated. In the meantime Louis had a secret passage built between our two bedrooms, so he could tunnel his way through to me like an ardent mole, without attracting the attention of the well-wishers and curiosity-seekers hanging out in the Bull's Eye Chamber at all hours of the day and night.

"I am experiencing the most important happiness of my entire life," I wrote to tell my mother.

But pleasure?

In the absence of any impediment, I am sorry to say that my husband's caresses grew a trifle distant, rushed, even. Before, he'd worked so hard to drum up enthusiasm for the task at hand; now he pumped away with the same sort of frenzied single-mindedness I'd seen him use operating the bellows. An abstracted expression on his face, his mind elsewhere, imagining the final product perhaps, a lock so magnificent it could defeat the Evil One himself. Not a great lover, Louis.

Of course, he had no practice. Just as, pamphleteers to the contrary, I had no basis of comparison. Antoinette and Louis, as inept in bed as on the throne, though goodness knows we tried. That mattress, those hands. The sound of his breathing, the weight of his torso. Just the two of us, two human bodies reduced to the place where the one had come into the other, nudging, nudging…

But did I feel stirred? Yes, I admit, I did, a little. It was like the way I'd sometimes feel while I was sitting for my portrait, an almost unendurable sense of my self, of the surfaces of Antoinette, her eyes trying not to blink, her lips growing more and more pursed and dry, her tongue dying to lick them. And then just when I'd think I couldn't bear to sit there like that one minute longer, I'd suddenly find myself on the outside looking in, a traveler in a carriage passing an apparently deserted house at nightfall. The windows dark, no hint of movement, yet somewhere deep inside, in the deepest darkest corner of the cellar, there would be a little sleeping animal who would prick up its ears.

Michaelmas came and went, then All Saints' Day, closely followed by All Souls'. I turned twenty-four; the peasants went into the woods with their baskets to harvest the acorns to fatten the pigs. The sweet damp smell of decaying oak leaves, brushfires burning, the first flakes of snow. My mother could no longer walk and had to be hauled up and down stairs on a green morocco sofa, operated by winches. "I hope the weather will be abominable," she wrote, "so the King won't get tired from hunting so much, and the Queen won't gamble every night into the small hours…" Christmastide, the Feast of the Innocents. For the New Year my husband gave me a pair of brilliant diamond earrings and a statue of cupid carving his bow from Hercules' club; the little moats around the Trianon, called fox jumps, froze. "I very much enjoy this pleasure," Louis confided to his aunts, meaning our newfound intimacy. "I am sorry to have been deprived of it for so long." In the hallways of Versailles everyone was sneezing and coughing and blowing his nose; in Paris Benjamin Franklin was a great hero, and all the women were wearing a coonskin hat called "The Insurgent" in his honor. "I have a bad toothache and a swollen face," my mother wrote, "even to the eyes, but no fever at all." We replaced Minister of Finance Turgot with Jacques Necker, a physiocrat with a prude, Carnival with Lent. Thin soup, boiled eggs, steamed fish, pottage. No dancing, no gambling; I had diarrhea.

Then it was spring; then I was pregnant.

Antoinette pregnant, imagine it! Just like the sows and the mares and the ewes and the nanny goats. The trees were budding, so girlish and fresh in their pale green shifts. I went to bed early and arose early; I went for long walks in the cool of the morning, amazed to see how precisely the world mirrored my condition. All the bulbs swelled and put forth pale green shoots. Hyacinth and narcissus — such names! As if some long dead botanist had been determined to keep us mindful of the wages of beauty. My waist grew four and a half pouces by Pentecost.

Nor was this pleasure, being devoid of any trace of the pain that makes pleasure possible. I had what I wanted and, for a moment at least, I was content. I ignored the rumors about the baby's patrimony; I knew they were false, which seemed sufficient reason to discount them. A great weakness in a Queen, you might say, such indifference to political nuance — no matter that it was based on a clear sense of my own moral rectitude. But evidently everyone was less interested in having a truly good Queen than in having a Queen who appeared good. So long as I feigned deference to even the silliest details of court etiquette, remembering for instance to send my dentist six dozen handkerchiefs a year, so long as I made a great show of enjoying the company of even the most tedious old bundles, stuck to a few boring hands of cavagnole, and turned in before midnight, I think I could have slept with every man in France.