David Goodis - The Blonde on the Street Corner

Cracking an Indian Nut between his teeth, George walked into Ken’s house. Outside, the Sunday afternoon offered very little sun.

Ken started to talk about Florida.

“So help me God, if I have to stay in this town another week in go out of my head. This time I’m set. I’m shooting down to Miami like a beaver. I’m getting in with the glace and the velvet.”

Dippy walked in.

George and Ken looked at Dippy and started to laugh.

“Good morning, men,” said Dippy.

George and Ken could not stop laughing. Dippy wondered what they were laughing at. He examined himself and discovered that his fly was open.

“What is this?” Dippy said. He buttoned his fly.

George pointed to the front window. “Look at all that snow.”

Dippy said, “We should have a sled.”

“What?” Ken said.

“A sled,” Dippy said. “It’s fine for sledding. I like to sled.”

“Listen to him,” Ken said.

Dippy said, “If I had a sled I would find the biggest hill. I’d go down real fast. I’d go down that hill a lot of times. I know a hill up in Germantown that some boy broke his neck on last year. That’s how big the hill is. I’d like to have a big sled.”

Ken stood at the bass section of the keyboard and hit a few chords.

Dippy said, “A sled is just what I’d like to have. If I had a sled I’d go right down the street. Look how the street goes down. I’d like to find a street that would just keep on going down. Do you think they have streets like that?”

“Like what?” George said, looking at the floor and thinking of all the things he didn’t have.

“Just ignore him,” Ken said, and hit another chord.

Dippy said, “A street that would keep on going down. Not a street. I mean a hill. I would get on my sled. I would go down the hill, and there would be a lot of ice so I would go real fast. I would break all records.”

Ken turned away from the keyboard. He looked at Dippy. He said, “Suppose I showed you a hill like that. What would you do?”

“It has to be real icy and slippery,” Dippy said.

“All right, it’s real icy and slippery,” Ken said. “Then what?”

“Then I’d go down on my sled.”

“You’d just keep on coasting down the hill,” Ken said.

“Real fast,” Dippy said.

“Faster all the time,” Ken said.

“Fine,” Dippy said.

George looked up from the floor. He said, “How would you get up again?”

Dippy said, “Why do I have to go up again? The hill keeps on going down. I just keep on coasting down the hill.”

“Coasting,” Ken said.

“Better than climbing,” Dippy said.

“A hill that just keeps on going down,” Ken said. “Slide down, faster all the time.”

“Faster and faster and faster,” Dippy said.

“Where you gonna find a hill like that?” George said.

“You buy me a sled and I’ll go look for one,” Dippy said.

“There ain’t any hills like that,” Ken said.

“Are you positive about that?” Dippy said.

George and Ken laughed.

The door opened, and Ralph walked in. He was wearing a thick sweater over his grey flannel suit.

Ken looked at Ralph and said, “You look snakebitten.”

Ralph said, “I left my overcoat at Dippy’s house last night.”

“That’s right,” Dippy said. “I saw it there.”

“I went over to see if Dippy was there. I thought all you guys would be there. None of you were here when I came over.”

“Didn’t you hear about what happened?” Ken said.

Ralph shook his head.

They told him how the girls had stood them up and ruined their plans for the party.

Then Dippy was saying, “It’s too bad that we couldn’t have the party. I’ll make some more calls. We’ll have the party next week.”

Ralph said, “Look, Dippy, will you get my overcoat?”

“Certainly,” Dippy said.

“Will you get it for me soon? I’m cold walking around in this sweater.”

“I’ll go over and get it for you now,” Dippy said.

“You don’t have to make a special trip,” Ralph said. “Later will do.”

Ken said, “How come you left your overcoat in Dippy’s house?”

Ralph shrugged. “I’m always doing things like that.”

Dippy said, “When I came in I saw the coat on the floor.”

“On the floor?” Ken said.

“Near the door,” Dippy said.

Ken looked at Ralph and said, “How come?”

Ralph said, “I guess when I was waiting for Dippy I sort of fell asleep. I guess I was in a fog when I got up. I didn’t feel too good anyway.”

“Yeah, but after you got outside and the cold air hit you, didn’t you remember about the coat?” Ken said.

“No,” Ralph said.

“It just seems queer,” Ken said.

“I’ll get the coat for you, Ralph,” said Dippy.

“Leaving it on the floor,” Ken was murmuring. “On the floor near the door, and walking out of the house and it was cold last night, in spades.”

Dippy looked at Ralph’s sweater. He said, “I’ll go over to my house and bring you your coat.”

“You don’t have to bother now,” Ralph said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Dippy said. He put on his torn overcoat and walked out of the house.

It was a quarter to three in the afternoon. Lenore had just finished her breakfast. She was in the living room, on the sofa, looking at a new picture magazine dealing with night life in Hollywood and Manhattan.

Upstairs an argument was taking place between Clarence and his mother.

Lenore turned a page. She looked at the page and then she looked at her slippers. She looked at the edges of her pale orange satin pajamas. She put her hand under her knee. She ran her hand up along the satin that was tight and smooth against her thigh. She kept running her hand up and down.

A door slammed upstairs, and the mother was saying in a very loud voice, “I don’t want to talk about it any more. Leave me alone. Leave me alone leave me alone leave me alone!”

Lenore turned a page and looked at the page and yelled, “Shut the hell up!”

Upstairs they were yelling and screaming. Doors were opening and slamming.

Lenore put her hand between her legs and slowly squeezed the soft smooth satin against her flesh.

Dippy came in.

“How do you do?” he said.

Lenore looked at a page and said, “Break a leg.”

“Where is Ralph’s overcoat?” Dippy said.

“What?”

“Last night I came in and I saw Ralph’s overcoat on the floor, near the door. I put the coat on a chair in the other room.” He pointed at the chair. There was no coat on the chair. He said, “Where is the coat?”

Lenore kept looking at the page. She said, “How should I know?”

“Tell me where you put the coat,” Dippy said.

“What are you talking about?”

Dippy said, “I wish they would make less noise upstairs so I could hear what I’m saying.”

Lenore said, “Listen, you. Get the hell out of here and stop annoying me.”

“Where did you put the coat?” Dippy said.

“Take a walk.”

“It’s cold out,” Dippy said. “It’s real cold out. Ralph has no overcoat. He’s wearing a sweater—”

“Now whaddya know about that?” Lenore murmured, turning a page and looking at the page.

“Tell me where you put the coat,” Dippy said.

Lenore threw the magazine on the floor. She stood up. She yelled, “You get out of here and leave me alone! What do you mean by coming in here and accusing me of stealing overcoats! You go back and tell your friend that if he wants his overcoat he should come over here and get it himself. Go on back and tell him that. Go on. Go on back and tell him. Tell him that I told you to tell him.”