Rona Jaffe - Mazes and Monsters

“You’re the most perceptive, intelligent woman I know.”

She was surprised and pleased. She knew he liked her, but it was the first time he’d ever complimented her. “Do you think I’m a ball breaker?” she asked.

“Who said that?”

“I said it. Am I?”

“Of course not.”

“You may have noticed my big romance with Robbie is all over,” she said.

He nodded. “Did he say you were a ball breaker?”

“No,” Kate said. She sighed. “I think I scared him off.”

“Do you want him back?” Daniel asked.

She looked down at her hands; the little hands that could deliver a stunning karate blow. “No,” she said. “It was a shock at first, but in a way we’re better friends now than we ever were. I still love him, but in a different way. It’s not romantic … it’s more real, I guess.”

“Robbie is a genuinely nice person,” Daniel said. “Look what happened with you and that shit Steve. He wouldn’t even stay around to say hello once in a while. You know love affairs break up every five minutes around here. You’re not going through anything that was your fault.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know you would never do anything that could drive any man away. People just leave.”

He was being so nice she was touched. She looked at his sexy mouth and for one moment she thought that if she were ever to get involved again she would risk it with Daniel, and then she thought: No .

“You leave people all the time,” she said. “Why?”

“They leave me too,” he said.

“I bet they don’t.”

“Who’s the authority — you or me?”

“I guess you are,” Kate said, and for the first time felt very cheered up. He was human after all. “Well, when these heartless women leave you, why do they?”

“They get bored. They weren’t looking for anything serious in the first place. I don’t expect more from strangers than they’re willing to give.”

“Strangers?” Kate said.

“In a way,” he said.

His eyes were so blue. Poor Daniel, she thought. It can’t be much fun going to bed with strangers all the time. None of the girls he went to bed with ever seemed jealous of the others, or at least they never showed it, and it occurred to her how insecure that must make him feel. “I bet lots of girls were in love with you,” she said.

“Only about a hundred,” he said, and grinned to show he was kidding.

“I bet they were and you didn’t know it.”

“Hey,” he said. “Everybody around here thinks I’m Superstud. You know what that does to any woman who’s sensitive and caring and smart? She says: Oh, this guy is bad news. He’s going to use me for another notch on his belt. So I’ll use him for the same thing. Kate, if I really cared about someone, I’d have a hell of a time trying to convince her. My reputation, as they say, has preceded me.”

“I never thought about that,” Kate said.

“Think about it.”

“When I tease you … do you mind?”

“No, of course not.”

“I bet you had fun getting your reputation, though.”

“I can’t say I hated it.”

“I guess it’s like a woman being too pretty,” Kate said. “She starts to think men are just after her for her looks. I never thought about that before.”

“I have a theory about success,” Daniel said. “Success does not turn a person into a big shit. If he’s a shit in the first place, becoming a success only enables him to be what he always was, openly and with impunity.”

“And if he’s nice to start with he stays nice, right?”

“That’s my theory. Come on, let’s go out and I’ll buy you a beer.”

“Okay,” Kate said. “Let me just get my coat.”

They drove to Fat City in her car because Daniel only had a bicycle. Kate realized it was the first time she and Daniel had ever been out together alone. For some reason she was having a little difficulty breathing. This is ridiculous, she thought; he’s my old pal. I know him the way no one else does — he’s Nimble the Charlatan. He’s part of my secret world and I’m part of his.

Fat City was crowded. Noisy groups were eating and drinking at nearly all the tables. They had to look for an empty table, and while they were working their way there people they knew said hello, but more said hello to him than to her, and most of the ones who spoke to him were beautiful girls.

“I’d be jealous,” Kate said.

“Huh?”

“If I were going with you and all those women said hello to you, I’d be jealous.”

“What would you do?” he asked, sounding pleased and amused. “Would you give me a karate chop?”

She laughed. “Karate isn’t for jealous lovers, it’s serious business.”

They finally sat at a small table at the back of the room and ordered draft beer. Daniel got up and put some money in the jukebox. Kate looked around the room, quite sure neither Robbie nor Jay Jay would be there, but hoping anyway that they were not. If they were, they would come over to the table and sit down. This was the first time she’d had a chance to find out what Daniel was really like, and she intended to find out as much as she could. They’d become friends through the game, and had spent all that time together, but really each knew very little about the other’s private thoughts, until tonight. He came back to the table.

“Would you think it was terribly corny if I asked you to tell me your life story?” Kate said.

“It’s not as corny as my life story,” Daniel said. “But since it’s also luckily very short and dull, I’d be glad to.”

She found his life immensely reassuring. It was so normal, so nice. Robbie’s life had been sad, and Jay Jay’s bizarre, and even her own had been disillusioning, but Daniel had a real life, the kind people wished they had. She could see him in her mind: the loved child growing up surrounded by the encouragement of his family, and she wondered, as she often had before, why he had chosen to bury himself at a university like Grant. Nothing is ever like it seems, Kate thought. This was turning out to be one of her favorite evenings.

“Why did you pick this school?” she asked.

“It’s what I wanted.”

“But you could have gone to M.I.T.,” Kate said.

“That’s what my parents wanted.”

“You didn’t do it to spite them — I can’t imagine that.”

“No, I came here because I really don’t think I’m ambitious or competitive. I want to make up games for computers and have a quiet life with a lot of fun in it. I guess if I were growing up in the Sixties I’d be a dropout. This is sort of my compromise. And besides, Grant isn’t a bad school. Why did you come here?”

“It’s where I got in,” Kate said. “Grant isn’t Ivy League, but as you say, it isn’t a bad school either. It has a good creative writing department. I can go out for honors and write a novel as my thesis. You can’t do that at every college.”

“I wish I could make up a computer game for my thesis,” Daniel said.

“Why don’t you ask them? They might like the idea.”

“I think I will,” he said, very pleased. “Thank you.”

“Any old time.” They had another beer. “Let me ask you something,” Kate said. “Have you noticed Robbie acting kind of strange lately?”

“What kind of strange?”

“Well, he gave Tony Nelson his shirt just because Tony said it was a great-looking shirt.”

Daniel shrugged. “Tony Nelson is on partial scholarship and has a part-time job to help get through college. I think that was a nice thing for Robbie to do.”

“And lately he’s been paying for everything.”

“He probably figures we’ve been taking advantage of Jay Jay. And I think we have.”