Rona Jaffe - Mazes and Monsters

“I have to return him to Perry,” Jay. Jay said. “I was scared you would decide to go left first, and Perry has to have him back tomorrow night.”

“Or we could have gone straight ahead,” Daniel said.

“No hints,” Jay Jay said. They all laughed.

Robbie was even quieter than usual. Now that he was back in the familiar dorm he felt drained. He took Kate’s hand and held it.

“What a fantastic place,” Kate said. “It’s like a dream. I felt as if I were dreaming — didn’t you?”

Daniel and Robbie nodded. “It was spooky,” Robbie said. He didn’t go further. How could he explain the panic he’d felt that had nothing to do with the game or the place, when now he could hardly even remember it?

“Of course, my greatest triumph,” Jay Jay said, “was that Daniel gave up his usual Saturday night screw to play with us .”

“Come on,” Daniel said. “You make me sound like a bore. Sometimes I have a Wednesday night screw.”

They all laughed. “Boys will be boys,” Kate said.

“Don’t make fun of me just because you’re married,” Daniel said good naturedly.

“Married?” Kate said. She sounded annoyed. “I’m not married. Are we married, Robbie?”

“No,” he said. “Of course not.”

“Well, that’s what they call it in the dorm,” Daniel said.

“I don’t care what they call it in the dorm,” Kate said. “It’s just this year’s word for going steady.”

“The way you can tell we’re not married,” Robbie said, “is that we never fight.” They all laughed.

Kate got up and pulled Robbie to his feet. “I don’t know about anybody else,” she said, “but I’m about to fall asleep right here.”

“Tomorrow night,” Jay Jay said. “We’ll start early; as soon as it gets dark.” They had already agreed not to play in the daytime — it would be too easy for someone to spot the car.

“Tomorrow night,” the others said. “Tomorrow night.”

“I can’t wait!” Kate said, grinning excitedly.

In the double bed, in his room, because it was a weekend and Kate could sleep with him all night, Robbie was happy. He made love to her gently, holding back his own desire until he knew she was satisfied. He wanted her to think he was the best lover she’d ever had. He loved her so much, and her small, slim body excited him even when he wasn’t touching it. Just looking at it, even when she was dressed, knowing what was under those shirts and jeans, remembering the silky feel of her skin, made him want her. She was so beautiful, and she was his. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him. He was so lucky. He kissed her neck and her little ears, and fell asleep with his face buried in her hair that always smelled of shampoo.

He was in a tunnel, dark and cold, where rays of yellow light glanced off rocky walls and showed that the tunnel went on so far he couldn’t see the end of it. He was the one holding the lantern that shed this light, and he was Pardieu. He didn’t know how he had come to be here, but he wasn’t afraid. Then he saw another light, blue and ghostly, at the far end of the tunnel, and it began to come closer.

“Pardieu …” a voice whispered. He knew that voice: it was The Great Hall. He remembered that whisper from a long time ago, but he had forgotten where. He shivered slightly.

“I am Pardieu,” he said.

“Once you were a low level of Holy Man, and you gloried in killing,” the voice said. Soft as it was, it echoed in the tunnel. “Now you are of a higher level and you feel guilt. That is good. To attain the highest level of power it is necessary to be perfect.”

“Oh, I can’t be perfect,” Pardieu said sadly. “Never …”

“The qualities of a Holy Man are these: piety, humility, and chastity. Celibacy, my dear Pardieu. A Holy Man must walk alone.”

“But I’m married,” Pardieu said. He knew he was speaking the truth, but he couldn’t remember whom he was married to.

“You are not married,” The Great Hall said. “It is a false and sinful marriage.”

“No …” Pardieu said. He felt as if something of indescribable sweetness had just been ripped from his heart. His eyes filled with tears.

“In order to regain The graven Eye of Timor you must prove yourself worthy,” The Great Hall said. “Nothing is free. A Holy Man must be above all the lusts of the flesh.”

He knew it was true. He had to sacrifice many things to be holy. He felt sadness rise up in him, and then miraculously, it floated away, leaving only peace. It was good to make sacrifices. Worldly pleasures only weighed you down on your difficult travels through life.

“I am waiting for you,” The Great Hall said. “When you are truly worthy, you can come to me.”

Pardieu held out his hands. “Please let me,” he said. “Would you come back with me? I need you.”

“And I need you,” The Great Hall said. The blue light faded and was gone.

Robbie woke up feeling cold. He had kicked off the covers and was lying alone. Kate, on her side with her back to him, was curled up fast asleep on the other edge of the bed. He lay there for a few minutes, listening to her even breathing, trying to remember his dream. It was not a sad dream; it was only strange. He felt the possibility of unlimited power, and for the first time he knew that someday he would find Hall, that it was possible. It was different from the floating feeling he’d had after other dreams. It was a feeling of reality.

He moved over to Kate and put his arms around her, pressing his body against hers for comfort, and pulled the covers around his shoulders. He felt cozy and sleepy now, and safe and strong. He loved her and would take care of her as long as she wanted him to — but he knew in his heart she really didn’t need him. He supposed he’d always known that, but for the first time he could accept the knowledge quite calmly. He didn’t have to try to win anything. He could just love her, and accept her as she was. They had so much fun together. A relationship didn’t have to be a struggle; it could be this companionship. He felt he had reached a new level of understanding, and drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Everybody at Grant was sick and tired of winter. Now that they had passed their exams and there was nothing to frighten them, they tried to find new ways of occupying the long, dark evenings. There was skiing on weekends, and the usual parties in the dorms, and the usual excursions to town to hang around at Fat City or go to a movie, but they were all bored with the sameness of life and wanted more. Someone thought of having a 1950s prom. At last there was something to plan and to do.

Prom fever swept the campus, almost as though it really was the Fifties. Committees were formed. Research was done. It would be a costume party, of course, and the students canvassed local thrift shops, called their parents to see if by chance they had saved any old artifacts, and even went as far as Philadelphia to see what they could rent to wear. The students who formed the band that always played at parties learned old Fifties songs. It would be a formal dance, not a sock hop. They wanted to be sophisticated, glamorous, a little campy; and everyone had to have a date. The prom would be held in the gym.

Jay Jay was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to get anyone to go with him. They all came to his parties, but who would want to be with him alone? He zeroed in on the youngest, smallest, most frightened Freshman he could find: a sixteen-year-old scholarship student named Glenna, from a small town in the South; a physics major who was always studying and had had hardly any dates at all since coming to Grant. He hadn’t even bothered to invite her to his Brigitte Bardot birthday party.