Diane Williams - Angels in Action - Stories to Inspire

There was a month left before school began, and Tiffany wanted to give something back. She volunteered to work in a law firm that donated to her Yale experience; at least she thought she was volunteering. On her last day, the firm presented her with a check for her college fund.

While I sat on the patio reading one afternoon, Tiff joined me. “Mom, when Dad left and Jazzy and I had to take care of you, I was angry. I thought my life was over.”

I thought to myself, So did I, Tiff. Even more than the financial rewards, this experience brought us together as a family. After my husband left, it was important that my daughters and I had something we could do together. This project gave us something to work toward as a team, a common goal.

As I listened to my daughter, I thought of Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” That was the beginning of another major turning point in my life. I am now truly convinced that disappointments are merely potential opportunities. Feel its effects, press forward, and watch God come through.

Reflection: Go within and BE RESOURCEFUL …therein lies your power. You already possess what you need to get what you want—but you can’t use that until you get your eyes off the problem and on to the Problem Solver. If God gives you the opportunity, He’s going to make it happen.

My eyes wander around our formerly sedate house, now filled with home health aides, mobilizing equipment, a mother needing assistance, and no father. I think of my mother’s illness and all the disappointments it carries. My dream of going to a prestigious East Coast college and Jasmine’s dream of being an entertainer have to make way for the daily sacrifices that our new life demands. My world has become unglued, leaving me powerless to pursue my life vision.

For years, I had dreamt of my independence. My friends and I had talked about the fun we would have and the places we would go as we used our parents as chauffeurs. We would be joining school clubs, participating in athletic events, enjoying endless parties, shopping, and just kicking it at each other’s houses.

Instead I have become my mother’s “unsung hero,” Jasmine is the “invisible child,” and Mom is a “parent parenting on her back.” One afternoon, my teacher offered me a tutoring position, and I rushed home to share the news with my mother. As I was turning the key in the lock, I heard her screaming, “Tiffany! Hurry! Run, run!” I was agitated immediately. I wanted to tell her about my tutoring offer, not have to help her to the bathroom again. Purposefully, I walked slowly into her room as she continued to yell frantically.

I approached her and softly said, “I don’t believe you’re ill, Mom.” As I denied the fact that rheumatoid arthritis lived in her body, making her arms and legs immobile, I continued saying, “You just want to stop working and have me and Jasmine be your servants, and I’m tired of it!”

Mom appeared baffled as she responded, “What? Girl, hurry up and get me to the bathroom!”

As I prepared to execute our regularly practiced routine, I muttered under my breath, “‘Do this for your mom,’ said the doctor. ‘Do this for your mom,’ said the nurse.”

My life has been all about my mom since I was nine years old. After twenty years of marriage, my dad decided that caring for his wife was no longer his responsibility. The door of childhood suddenly slammed shut, leaving me and my sister alone to care for her. I couldn’t turn to the community for fear of being placed in foster care. We had to hide within society. As a result, I have had to take on many adult responsibilities like shopping, banking, budgeting, and escorting Mom to school, appointments, and social events. I have constantly heard, “You do such a nice job of caring for your mom!” People have always asked me questions or commented about her health. Sometimes it felt like people believed Mom and I were joined at the hip. I remember thinking to myself, I don’t want to do these things! I’m a child! It’s my life and I want it to be about me! When is it ever going to be about me?

Looking back, now that I’m older, I can’t help but chuckle. I thought my life was over the day my dad left, and I faced the sentence of caregiving, yet it had only just begun. There were many daily challenges; like time constraints, never being able to do anything spontaneously, declining my peers many invitations, unable to tell the truth nor being able to explain the secret life I had to live, and shying away from building any friendships.

I spent many years feeling deprived of freedom, living with my chocked identity. I’ll never forget the day my life finally awoke. As usual, I was depressed, walking past the career center, when my eyes spotted an advertisement for the Cal Polytechnic Summer Young Scholars program for engineers. I read all the requirements; my grades qualified. I still had to honor my mother though. We conferred, and both my mother and my sister embraced my attending this program. Instantly, I felt the bondage and burden slipping off my back.

Watching my mother sitting in her wheelchair or lying on her bed, running a tutoring business and struggling to complete her master’s degree, seeing her bylines in the magazines and receiving a paycheck from her tutoring business, and moving into the new house she purchased, all gave me determination.

I decided to live life with a sense of urgency and passion; I became resilient. Armed with my caregiving tools, I surged forward. I sought opportunities to move me toward freedom, independence, and adventure. I went to Connecticut and completed the Yale program for young scholars, and spent time traveling in New York. In high school, I studied French and, before I knew it, I was off to Vancouver and Paris to experience the culture. While at Claremont, I studied Japanese. After graduation in spring of 2005, I packed my bags to take residency in Japan. I discovered that experiencing other cultures is one of my passions. My circle of friends increased, and I traveled internationally at every given chance.

My responsibilities at home have inspired my passion for economics, and as a result, I studied economics, mathematics, and other fields at Claremont to become an international business attorney. I have learned to always take one step further, and I now know there is no desire I have that I cannot achieve. Coupled with my knowledge and self-reliance, I’m confident that as an adult I can succeed.

The tangible rewards are great, and I enjoyed each one immensely, but the intangible rewards, such as learning, are greater; with freedom comes responsibility, and with hard work, comes freedom. Most of all, I learned to be content in my situation. Through that awareness, I am now a self-sufficient, caring, and sensitive person. Ever since my mom became ill, I have been presented with numerous opportunities. If I were to tell you that the responsibilities of caregiving are not overwhelming, I would be lying. If I were to tell you that I never got angry about being saddled with these responsibilities, I would be in denial. However, by embracing caregiving as a gift and not a burden, I have learned that hard work and disappointment are not punishments, but opportunities to soar.

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead” (Isaiah 43:2-3).