Даниэла Стил - The Affair

“I came for sentencing, Your Honor,” she said, and he didn’t smile. Normally, he would have.

“Sentencing happens thirty days after conviction, Counselor. Or have you forgotten that? Along with decency, morality, honesty. I expected more of you, Olivia.” He sounded like her law professor again, and she had clearly gotten an “F” in Marriage. She couldn’t debate the point with him. She had lied to him. A terrible lie.

“I have no defense, Your Honor, except youth, stupidity, and fear. I didn’t want to hurt you, or lose you,” she said, standing in front of him, as she fought back tears. He didn’t appear moved by them. He was every inch a judge as he spoke to her, in all senses of the word. He had judged her, and found her behavior criminal.

“You managed to do both. Lose me and hurt me. You just postponed it by fifteen years by not telling me.”

“I probably should never have told you,” she said miserably.

“No, you should have been honest right in the beginning.”

“What would you have done?”

“I probably would have divorced you then. And missed out on fifteen great years with you. So maybe you were right not to tell me. It doesn’t change anything for me with Will. He’s my son in every way that matters. But how do I trust you again? What else have you lied about that you haven’t told me?”

“That’s the only thing. I didn’t want to lie about it anymore. So I told you the truth.”

“And what did you think I’d say?”

“I was hoping you’d forgive me,” she said in a small voice.

“I don’t know if I can.” She nodded and didn’t argue with him. He was staring at her long and hard from the other side of his desk. “How could you look at me every day and lie about something so important? I thought you were an honest woman.”

“I am,” she said with tears brimming in her eyes. “And I didn’t lie to you every day. I made a terrible mistake. I was young and stupid. Maybe I should have had an abortion when I wasn’t sure who the father was, but I didn’t want to do that either, in case he was yours. After the amnio and the DNA test, it was really too late. I was five months pregnant.” And neither of them favored abortion.

“Thank God you didn’t. Will is the best thing that ever happened to us. And he’s nearly a genius. Whoever his father is, I love Will as my son.” She nodded. She knew that. “I need to think about this.”

“I love you, Harley,” she said softly. “I don’t suppose that makes a difference to you now. I’d plead for clemency, but I guess I don’t deserve it.” She turned away to leave. She could see that she wasn’t going to convince him. She had said what she needed to, and it was obvious that he couldn’t forgive her. As she walked to the door, she didn’t see the tears roll down his cheeks, or see him brush them away.

“Olivia…” he said to stop her, and she turned to see him stand up and come around his desk. He walked straight to her, still wearing his robes, and pulled her into his arms. They were both crying as he held her, and she wasn’t sure if it meant that he forgave her, or if he was saying goodbye to her forever. “I love you,” he said in a choked voice, enveloping her in his strong arms. “I love you,” he said again, and then he looked down at her through his tears. “It says in the Bible that we have to forgive seventy times seven. That’s four hundred and ninety times. I warn you, I don’t have another four hundred and eighty-nine times left in me. Don’t ever lie to me or hide anything from me again.”

“I swear I won’t,” she said fervently, smiling and crying at the same time. “I haven’t lied to you since then. And I never will again.”

“I believe you,” he said solemnly, and then he looked pensive for a moment. “Technically, by law, I should adopt Will now, to establish paternity. But if I do, he’ll figure it out. I just have to stay alive until he reaches majority, and then it won’t matter.” He had been thinking about that for days.

“You’d better plan to stay alive for a hell of a lot longer than that. I don’t intend to lose you after all this.” He smiled and kissed her, and then took off his robe and grabbed his coat.

“Let’s go for a walk and get some air.”

“I thought I’d lost you,” she said as she looked up at him. “I thought it would kill me if I had.”

“I’ll kill you if you ever lie to me again. I sentence you to spend the rest of your life with me. That should be punishment enough.” He smiled and held the door open for her, and they left his chambers holding hands. They went for a long walk around Foley Square before they both had to be back on the bench. They didn’t say a lot. They didn’t need to. They had come through their trial by fire, and Harley knew what he needed to know and should have known all along. They both knew how much they loved each other. It was a win-win all around.

As she walked back to her own courtroom afterwards, she sent the same text to all her sisters. “He forgives me. Thank God. Thank you for being there. I love you. Ollie.”

In the Federal Building, Harley was smiling as he took his place on the bench. He was going to pick up his things at the yacht club when he adjourned for the day, and go home to his wife and son.

—

Nadia had dinner with Greg the night before she had to sign the agreement for the divorce at the notaire. She was quiet and tense, but he had just gotten back from Texas and was eager to see her. He told her how much he had missed her. She was happy to see him when he picked her up. She thought it would be a good distraction, so she didn’t worry too much about the meeting the next day, but she could hardly think straight, and couldn’t follow anything he said.

“Are you okay?” he asked her. He had taken her to a beautiful restaurant, and she barely ate.

“I’m sorry, Greg. I’m nervous about the meeting tomorrow, more than I thought I would be.”

“Why? You said it’s all been amicable, and he’s not opposing anything you want. It’ll be a relief when this is over and you’re not married to him anymore. Divorcing him is the right thing to do, after what he did. You don’t have any doubts, do you?” He was searching her eyes after he asked the question.

“Not doubts. It’s what I want to do, but it seems like a very big step. Just as important as marriage. Unmarriage is a big deal too.” She looked very young to him as she said it. And pretty in a sapphire-blue dress the color of her eyes.

“ ‘Unmarriage’ is a very big deal, but a necessary one sometimes. It sounds like you had a pretty good run for eleven years before it all went south. That’s more than a lot of people get. Neither of my marriages lasted eleven years. The first one lasted for three years of total misery. And my second wife cheated on me two days before our second anniversary. So you’re way ahead of the game, and you got two nice kids out of it. You’re smart to walk away before he lands you in the middle of a public scandal again. I can’t think of anything worse.”

“It was bad,” she conceded. “Very, very bad.” It had been hideous.

“He sounds like an immature guy who let his dick run away with him. That’s not husband material, Nadia.” It was one way to look at it, and he was right. He made it all sound so simple, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt hard, like tearing off an arm or a leg. It seemed excruciatingly painful to her, and she didn’t want to talk to Greg about it. He was pleased that she was getting a divorce. He had told her he didn’t go out with married women, or even separated ones, and he had made it clear that he wanted to date her. She thought they’d have fun together. But she wasn’t looking for a date. She had loved being married to Nicolas, and their family life. It was never going to be the same again. It already wasn’t.