Даниэла Стил - The Affair

“Oh shit…I have to dress for my flight. What is she going to do? And what did she tell Will this morning?”

“I have no idea. She’s panicked. She thinks Harley’s going to divorce her.”

“He might,” Athena said solemnly, “he’s a pretty rigid guy. I’m not sure he can recover from a blow like this. A lot of men wouldn’t.” She couldn’t imagine him swallowing it. The others didn’t disagree with her, and they sat staring at each other, then Nadia rushed up the stairs to dress. She hated to leave them in a crisis, but she had to get back to Paris for the girls. She knew that Nicolas was leaving for London the next day to see his publisher there. All Nadia could hope as she dressed in haste was that Harley had somehow made his peace with Olivia’s confession and would come back, and forgive her. If not, Olivia would be getting divorced too. She thought it was a terrible mistake to have told him. They had warned her not to. And now there was no telling what would happen. Nadia felt sorry for both of them, Harley and Olivia. She could only imagine how Harley must feel. What a god-awful mess. She felt terrible about it, but she had to leave.

She called Olivia from the car on the way to the airport, but it went to voicemail. Will was out with friends by then. Olivia was lying on her bed, after crying for hours, convinced that Harley would never forgive her. And knowing how stern and uncompromising he could be, and how moral he was, all of her sisters were afraid she might be right.

Chapter 12

Nadia tried Olivia again when she got to the airport, and that time, she picked up. Olivia was crying when she answered.

“I was so stupid, Naddie, I shouldn’t have told him. But it’s been driving me crazy. After I told you all last summer, I realized that our marriage has been a lie, and he had a right to know. You don’t know how moral he is. He thinks cheating is as bad as murder. He doesn’t talk about it, but he’s a very religious person. He told me he would never feel the same way about me again. He wouldn’t even talk to me after that. I’ve been calling him all morning and he’s not picking up. I don’t think he’ll ever speak to me again. We’ve been married for fifteen years,” she sobbed. “I love him so much. I’ll die without him.”

“You won’t die,” Nadia said in a stronger voice, so her sister would hear her. She hadn’t died from losing Nicolas. Things happened in life. People died, broke promises or each other’s hearts, or ran off with someone else. She realized now that you couldn’t count on anything or anyone staying the same forever. And whatever happened, you had to get through it. Even more so if you had kids. You had to stay alive and keep on going for them. It was what she was doing now with Sylvie and Laure. She had to be okay for their sakes, no matter how broken she felt inside, or how hard it was.

“If he’s that religious, he’ll forgive you,” Nadia said. Though maybe not. She hadn’t forgiven Nicolas, and she wasn’t going back to him. But his sins were fresh, and he had humiliated her publicly. She thought that made a difference. What mattered to Harley was that his wife had slept with someone else, not who knew it. On the contrary, Olivia’s transgression had been her darkest secret, especially from him, and even from her sisters until that summer. She bitterly regretted telling them now, because their reaction had made her realize that she’d been wrong not to tell him. She could see now, from his reaction, that her first instinct not to had been right. And it was too late to confess to the lie fifteen years later.

“What if he never comes back?” Olivia asked. Nadia didn’t want to say that Harley wasn’t as young as they were. He would probably die before her, and she’d have to survive without him one day. And if Harley took an extreme position to her confession, Will would need her more than ever. But Harley wasn’t a cruel man. Nadia doubted that Harley would never forgive her, or reject Will for his mother’s sins. He loved him too much to do that, no matter who his father was.

“I think he will come back,” Nadia said. “Give him time. He probably needs to sit with it for a while. This is a huge shock for him. He’s a very straightlaced, serious guy, but he loves you, Ollie. He probably feels like he’ll die without you too.”

“He says he’ll never believe another word I say. He asked me how many other men I slept with. I’ve never, ever cheated on him again.” She was wracked with sobs again after she said it, and Nadia’s heart ached for her.

“I believe you.”

“I wish I hadn’t told him.”

“In the long run, you probably did the right thing,” Nadia tried to reassure her, although she wouldn’t have told him, and had tried to convince Olivia not to. Nadia had thought it was too risky, and she wasn’t happy to be proven right. Harley had reacted just as severely as she’d feared.

They talked for over an hour before Nadia got on the plane. Will came home after the movie, and fortunately didn’t ask where his father was and went to read in his room.

“You have to pull yourself together for Will,” Nadia told her. “You don’t want to have to explain this to him.” There was no mistaking how distraught she was. She was acting as though Harley had died. But maybe their marriage had. Nadia recognized it as a distinct possibility, and so did Olivia.

“God, no. And Will is so damn smart, he always figures things out.” But not this time. How could he possibly guess what his mother had told Harley? He couldn’t.

Nadia called her one last time before the flight took off, and Olivia sounded more composed, although she was morbidly depressed, and every five minutes she had tried to call Harley. She had texted him too. He hadn’t responded to her pleas and apologies and sobbing messages.

“I’ll call you when I land,” Nadia promised. It was a six- or seven-hour flight to Paris at that time of year, depending on the weather, but she knew that Venetia and Athena would be checking on Olivia too. They hadn’t told their mother yet, and didn’t want to spoil her time in Palm Beach. There was nothing she could do anyway. What would happen next was up to Harley now. Only he could decide Olivia’s fate. The future of their marriage was in Harley’s hands.

Nadia thought about her sister as she settled back in her seat and the plane headed northeast to Europe. She had her own future to think about now too. She and Nicolas would be filing their agreement soon with the notaire for the divorce. Neither of them had been unreasonable, and Nadia was surprised by how simple the process had become, in uncontested divorces. French law had eased up considerably when both parties agreed. Her lawyer had explained that most divorces got mired down in lengthy disputes over money, custody arrangements, or property. But since neither of them was taking an adversarial position, and the only thing Nadia wanted was use of the apartment, which he had agreed to immediately, and child support, they were among the lucky few who could get through the process quickly. Her attorney had pointed out that it sometimes took years where tangible assets were concerned. Sometimes the children were adults and had left home by the time they resolved it. He cited one case he’d had that had taken nineteen years, but he said that was unusual. But most divorces weren’t as bloodless as theirs, or as simple. He said that if nothing changed before they signed the agreement, they could be divorced in one or two months after they signed. As Nadia thought about it, she realized they would be divorced before next summer. A few tears rolled down her cheeks, thinking about it, and Olivia’s situation, and then she fell asleep.

She woke up halfway through the flight, and tried to watch a movie. She couldn’t concentrate on it and didn’t want a meal. She hoped Olivia had been able to reach Harley by then, and could talk about what had happened, and that ultimately he would forgive her, although it might take a long time. She had discovered herself that love didn’t die as quickly as one thought it would. It died slowly, like a living being as its lifeblood leaked away, shifting its weight occasionally, moving slightly, so you knew that it was still there, dying, but not dead yet. Nadia felt that way about Nicolas. She still loved what he used to be, and the marriage they’d had, not what he had turned it into, and they’d become. Wrapping up the memories and burying them was painful, but cremating them in the white-hot fire of hatred was probably even more so. Nadia was still waiting for her love of Nicolas to die a gentle death. The embers were still warm, and not fully out yet, and she accepted the possibility now that maybe they never would be. Sadly, when she thought of their marriage ending, she thought of how gentle and loving he had always been, the happy times, the things they had in common, and everything she loved about him. But when she thought of staying with him, she thought of him cheating, and was sure he’d do it again. It didn’t leave much room for someone new to take his place, but she didn’t want that anyway.