Дэвид Балдаччи - One Summer

Jenna cried and allowed him to slip the ring over her shaky finger. After that they held each other for a long time on that South Carolina beach as a gentle breeze rippled across them.

“Sammy’s going to be the best man,” Jack said.

“And Liam will be giving me away,” Jenna replied. “I love you, Jack.”

“I love you too, Jenna.”

They kissed again and visited for a while, discussing plans. Then Jack walked back to the Palace. His pace this way was not quite as brisk. The distance seemed a lot longer going back. There was a reason for this.

The first trek had been to create a bridge for his future.

This trip involved him making a painful separation from the past.

He reached the beach in front of his house and sat down in the sand. He pulled out a photo of Lizzie and held it in front of him. It was still nearly impossible for him to believe that she had been gone nearly three years. It just couldn’t be. But it was.

He traced the curve of her smile with his finger while he stared into those beautiful green eyes that he always believed would be the last thing he would see in life before passing on. While Jack had just asked another woman to marry him, and this seemed fitting and right in so many ways, he knew that a significant part of him would always love Lizzie. And that this too was fitting and right in so many ways.

Bonnie had been correct about that. Lizzie and Jack had been meant to be together forever if ever two people were. Only sometimes life doesn’t match what should be. It just is. And people have to accept it, no matter how hard it may be.

You should respect the past. You should never forget the past. But you can’t live there.

And now he had something else to finish. Something very important.

From his windbreaker he pulled out a single piece of paper and a pen. His hand shaking slightly and the tears already sliding down his face, Jack Armstrong touched the pen to the paper and began to write.

Dear Lizzie,

A lot has happened that I need to tell you about.

An hour later he finished the letter with, as always,

Love,

He sat there for a while, allowing the sun and breeze to dry his tears because for some reason he did not want to wipe them away by hand. He folded the letter carefully and placed it in an envelope marked with the number seven. He put the envelope and the photo of Lizzie in his pocket and walked toward the house.

When he reached the grass, he turned and looked upward. His mouth eased to a smile when he realized what he was looking at. Today, he’d finally found it, after all this time searching.

Right there was the little piece of the sky that contained Heaven. He somehow knew this for certain. Ironically, like so many complexities in life, the answer had been right in front of him the whole time.

“Pop-pop!”

He turned to see Jackie flying toward him. The boy gave a leap, and Jack caught him in midair.

“Hey, buddy.”

“What are you doing?”

Jack started to say something and then stopped. He turned so they were both looking out toward the ocean. He pointed to the sky. “Mommy’s up there watching us, Jackie.”

Jackie looked awestruck. “Mommy?” Jack nodded. Jackie waved to the sky. “Hi, Mom.” He blew her a kiss.

Then Jack turned back around and carried his son toward the house. Right before he got there, he slowly looked back at that little patch of blue sky.

Good-bye, Lizzie.

For now.

Dear Lizzie,

There are things I want to say to you that I just don’t have the breath for anymore. That’s why I’ve decided to write you these letters. I want you to have them after I’m gone. They’re not meant to be sad, just my chance to talk to you one more time. When I was healthy you made me happier than any person has a right to be. When I was half a world away, I knew that I was looking at the same sky you were, thinking of the same things you were, wanting to be with you and looking forward to when I could be. You gave me three beautiful children, which is a greater gift than I deserved. I tell you this, though you already know it, because sometimes people don’t talk about these things enough. I want you to know that if I could’ve stayed with you I would have. I fought as hard as I could. I will never understand why I had to be taken from you so soon, but I have accepted it. Yet I want you to know that there is nothing more important to me than you. I loved you from the moment I saw you. And the happiest day of my life was when you agreed to share your life with mine. I promised that I would always be there for you. And my love for you is so strong that even though I won’t be there physically, I will be there in every other way. I will watch over you. I will be there if you need to talk. I will never stop loving you. Not even death is powerful enough to overcome my feelings for you. My love for you, Lizzie, is stronger than anything.

Love,

Dear Lizzie,

Christmas will be here in five days, and I promise that I will make it. I’ve never broken a promise to you, and I never will. It’s hard to say good-bye, but sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. Jackie came to see me a little while ago, and we talked. Well, he talked in Jackie language and I listened. I like to listen to him because I know one day very soon I won’t be able to. He’s growing up so fast, and I know he probably won’t remember his dad, but I know I will live on in your memories. Tell him his dad loved him and wanted the best for him. And I wish I could have thrown the football to him and watched him play baseball. I know he will have a great life.

Cory is a special little boy. He has your sensitivity, your compassion. I know what’s happening to me is probably affecting him the most of all the kids. He came and got into bed with me last night. He asked me if it hurt very much. I told him it didn’t. He told me to say hello to God when I saw him. And I promised that I would.

And Mikki.

Mikki is the most complicated of all. Not a little girl anymore but not yet an adult either. She is a good kid, though I know you’ve had your moments with her. She is smart and caring and she loves her brothers. She loves you, though she sometimes doesn’t like to show it. My greatest regret with my daughter is letting her grow away from me. It was my fault, not hers. I see that clearly now. I only wish I had seen it that clearly while I still had a chance to do something about it. After I’m gone, please tell her the first time I ever saw her, when I got back from Afghanistan and was still in uniform, there was no prouder father who ever lived. Looking down at her tiny face, I felt the purest joy a human could possibly feel. And I wanted to protect her and never let anything bad ever happen to her. Life doesn’t work that way, of course. But tell her that her dad was her biggest fan. And that whatever she does in life, I will always be her biggest fan.

Love,

Dear Lizzie,

Christmas is five days away and it’s a good time to reflect on life. Your life. This will be hard. Hard for me to write and hard for you to read, but it needs to be said. You’re young and you have many years ahead of you. Cory and Jackie will be with you for many more years. And even Mikki will benefit. I’m talking about you finding someone else, Lizzie.

I know you won’t want to at first. You’ll even feel guilty about thinking about another man in your life, but, Lizzie, it has to be that way. I cannot allow you to go through the rest of your life alone. It’s not fair to you, and it has nothing to do with the love we have for each other. It will not change that at all. It can’t. Our love is too strong. It will last forever. But there are many kinds of love, and people have the capacity to love many different people. You are a wonderful person, Lizzie, and you can make someone else’s life wonderful. Love is to be shared, not hidden, not hoarded.