Martin Solly - Xenophobe's Guide to the Italians

Never mind the fact that the ‘recommended’ candidates will probably have been told the questions beforehand and that the great majority of candidates will be cheating as hard as they can, justice must not so much be done as be seen to be done.

Compared with the educational systems of other countries, the Italians seem to have got theirs the wrong way round. The country of Maria Montessori, Italy’s best schools are probably its pre-schools, after which things seem to gradually regress through elementary, middle and high schools into a somewhat disorderly university system.

“After pre-schools, things seem to gradually regress.”

Small children spend most of their day at school, but as they get older schooling becomes limited to mornings only. High schools are specialised and students study a variety of classical, scientific and technical subjects, depending on the specialisation they have chosen.

Admission to Italian universities is comparatively easy and, since few faculties restrict the number of students enrolling on courses, vast numbers enrol. The University of Rome, for example, is the largest in the European Union. As a result, courses are overcrowded and facilities inadequate. The fact that under a quarter of all those who matriculate in the universities actually graduate is perhaps a fair reflection of the inherent problems.

Many Italians are very well-educated, despite the idiosyncrasies of the system. Or perhaps because of them. They like the idea of studying and spend hours/weeks/months slaving over textbooks, highlighters in hand, learning the key sentences and concepts by heart. They are then tested in the oral exam, the interrogazione , parroting all they have learned. Critical comment by students is not welcomed. A repetition of the teacher’s or professor’s own views and comments is regarded as the best approach – a hangover from the Counter-Reformation when the wrong answer might have led you to the stake.

“There are no limits to the number of times students can take exams. Life-long learning is no novelty in Italy.”

There are no limits to the number of times students can take exams, and some will refuse to accept a mark they don’t consider good enough. As the only limitation to staying at the university is the payment of annual fees, some students continue studying well into middle age. Life-long learning is no novelty in Italy.

Examinations are mostly oral (perhaps because cheating is so rife in written exams). Italians fear that the other candidates in an exam will cheat and so they will cheat too. Cheating is considered more or less acceptable, but being caught cheating is not.

Italy’s public transport system is generally quick and efficient, in spite of the country’s difficult terrain and crowded cities. The Italian autostradas and rail network are among the most impressive feats of engineering in Europe, passing under mountains and over river valleys to link the various parts of Italy.

“All Italians are individually perfect, but all Italians know that gli altri (other Italians) are imperfect.”

Trains usually run to schedule, despite the absence of an authoritarian government. One of Mussolini’s more successful moves, and perhaps the only one he is universally remembered for, was persuading people that his government improved the efficiency of public transport; research has since proved that it made little or no impact on it at all, with trains being just as punctual in the periods before and during his regime as after it.

All Italians are individually perfect, but all Italians know that gli altri are imperfect. So Italian criminal law starts from the premise that you are guilty until you are proved innocent.

Italian criminals have few worries because the chances of being caught are very slim. The perpetrators of 83% of all crimes committed have yet to be brought to book, including 97% of theft, 64% of homicide, 86% of robbery and 72% of kidnapping.

“Italian criminals have few worries because the chances of being caught are very slim.”

Punishment tends to involve either fines or imprisonment or both. Although Italian prisons are generally overcrowded and not particularly pleasant places to spend time, they are more comfortable than those in northern Europe and the United States. Indeed, conditions for imprisoned mafia bosses are said to be pretty cushy thank you, and are regularly criticised in public for being so.

“Conditions for imprisoned mafia bosses are said to be pretty cushy.”

Italians are brilliant conmen who always manage to find people ready to risk their all to make a quick buck. They are expert copiers and counterfeiters, and have long dominated the traffic in art works. The fact that there is no guarantee that the works are the real thing, and may well be stolen or faked by a craftsman, only adds to the spice of the trade. Whether the buyer is looking for a Roman vase or a Modigliani sculpture, the illegal Italian art world will find him what he wants. Italian politicians have themselves set the example of corrupt behaviour by accepting vast bribes for fixing government contracts. The Italians chose to ignore this until the government of the day made the fatal mistake of muffing it – thus changing status in a flash from furbo to fesso .

There is a different police force for every occasion in Italy. There are national police, local police, traffic police, military police, financial police, railway police, secret police, private police, and so on.

“There is a different police force for every occasion in Italy.”

The carabinieri are the most evident of Italy’s police forces. Indeed, they are often involved in military as well as police activities. Despite the fact that it is extremely difficult to join their ranks, and that their officers are supposed to be the best in the Italian armed forces, they are not famed for their shining intellectual prowess. As a result, they are the butt of many Italian jokes. For example:

In the middle of a lively conversation on a train, someone asked, “By the way, have you heard the latest joke about the carabinieri ?” A gentleman sitting opposite visibly stiffened, saying, “Before you continue, I should perhaps point out that I am a retired General of the Carabinieri .” “Don’t worry, sir, we’ll explain it to you later.”

Italy’s legal traditions are impressive and the country has a vast array of wonderful laws, to prevent any kind of injustice, inequality or corruption. On paper the Italian legal system, with its written civil and penal codes, seems more or less perfect.

“Italy’s laws would be perfect without the Italians, who pay little attention to most of them.”

The problems start with law enforcement. Italy’s laws would be perfect without the Italians, who pay little attention to most of them. For example, although seatbelts are compulsory, few actually wear them (in some parts of Italy their introduction led to a roaring trade in T-shirts with seatbelts printed on them). The use of car horns is officially prohibited in built-up areas, where the maximum speed limit is 30 miles per hour, but these regulations are by and large completely ignored by both the public and the police, although the police will enforce them occasionally, especially when they see people driving cars with foreign or out-of-town number plates.

Because of the very serious difficulties the Italian government has in collecting taxes, a whole series of laws exists to make sure regulations are respected. For example, until recently receipts issued by bars and restaurants as proof of payment had to be carried a minimum of 50 metres before being thrown away.