Eileen Nauman - Dare To Love

Her stomach rolled threateningly. “I—I can’t eat…not right now….”

Matt gave her a sharp glance. “You haven’t eaten all day.”

Kai stared back blankly. God, he could be blindly insensitive when he chose to be. What else could she expect? He was an animal incapable of humanity. That’s not true, her heart protested. One look into his concerned gray eyes and Kai felt a twinge of guilt about her feelings. She swallowed an angry retort laden with venom. He didn’t deserve it. “I’m not hungry.”

“Dammit, I don’t need you getting temperamental,” he said, ripping open the sack and pulling out one of the cold hamburgers.

“Temperamental?” Kai croaked, trying to find her voice. Rage surged through her, erasing her fear. “How would you feel if Boyce had pawed and drooled all over you? I’m not some animal you can beat into submission!” Disgust tinged her voice. “But that’s all you are, isn’t it? Little more than animals.” She swallowed back the tears that wanted to fall. “I take that back, even animals don’t treat one another like you’ve treated me.”

Matt winced inwardly, forcing himself to meet her accusing emerald eyes that were filled with fire. He had never envisioned that the problems entailed in this kidnapping would grow to such magnitude. He had to survive this undercover assignment. Two years ago it had been easy to remain impervious to human suffering. Not anymore. Maybe some of his hate and anger toward Garcia was abating. He stole a look at Kai. Or maybe it was because of her. He wasn’t sure.

“You’re right,” he admitted. He wanted to reach out and take her into his arms and simply hold her. To give her a measure of protection. Matt recalled those brief moments of contact with her before, the yielding softness of her body against the hard length of his own. “Boyce will leave you alone.”

“Well,” she goaded him, “if you’re the boss, it’s obvious Boyce doesn’t respect what you tell him.”

“He’s not in any shape to bother you again.” He didn’t enjoy fighting, but if he had to do it, he went in with the idea of winning. And Boyce had been the loser in this last skirmish. What he couldn’t deal with was the injured look in Kai’s face. The real damage had been done to her emotions and spirit. Nothing could take that back. He throttled his bitter hatred of Boyce. Soon, he promised himself, soon he would be in a position to nail Garcia and his cutthroat gang. That thought was his only consolation for the misery Kai was experiencing. Maybe at a later date she would understand.

He found himself wishing she would forgive him. But that was chasing an idealistic dream. Life consisted of one bitter interlude after another. He watched as Kai wrestled with the trauma. Striving to erase the terror he saw in her face, he tried to choose a benign topic of conversation.

“You have someone special in your life?”

Kai threw a look in his direction. Matt’s voice was gentle, without its previous harsh quality. “My father. Not that you really care.”

He half smiled, slowly unwrapping the hamburger. “I meant like a fiance or something.”

“Why? Were you going to bribe him for more money if I did?”

“No.” Matt shook his head. “It’s tough imagining a woman of your quality not having a man in her life, that’s all.”

Now Kai was confused. His tone was intimate, inviting her to try to relax. “My career gives me a great deal of satisfaction, Mr. Taylor.”

“Call me Matt,” he urged. “Tell me about your work.”

Kai hesitated. Just having him near mended her frayed nerves. He represented a barrier between her and Boyce. Suddenly she was grateful for his continuing presence. But the wary part of her reared its head. Did he want her just as Boyce did? Was he using different tactics to achieve the same goal? Kai searched his exhausted face. Her brain screamed, don’t trust him. Her heart won the battle.

“I’m a nurse in the navy. I work as a physical therapist at the Bethesda, Maryland hospital.”

“Why the navy?”

“My father was in the navy when he was younger, before he started wildcatting for a living. It felt right to follow in his footsteps.”

Matt smiled, dividing the hamburger and offering half of it to her. At first she stared at it and then reluctantly took it. A genuine smile crossed his face. Kindness was a rare commodity in his world, and it was a pleasure to exercise his more human side. Maybe he wasn’t a complete animal, after all. He bit into the hamburger. It was cold but edible.

“Try it,” he coaxed. “It doesn’t taste as bad as it looks.”

Her stomach was growling. She hadn’t eaten anything since the night before. Lifting the hamburger to her lips, she took a taste. Instantly nausea rosé in her throat. Kai shut her eyes, handing it back to him. “I’m sorry, I can’t….”

Matt retrieved it from her outstretched hand, placing it back in the sack. “How about some coffee instead? Maybe that will stay down,” he muttered in apology.

“I’ll try it.”

“It’s black.”

“That’s the way I like it.”

Their fingers grazed as he handed her the paper cup. Kai was acutely aware of the contact and quickly took the coffee. She sipped it cautiously.

“Is it going to stay down?”

The warm liquid slid down her raw throat, soothing it. “It tastes wonderful,” she murmured gratefully.

Her response pleased him for no particular reason. The huskiness in her voice was like balm to his darkened soul. A slight smile played on Matt’s mouth.

“Did you pick up your love of coffee in the navy?”

Kai nodded. “Actually, it was a matter of survival. If you didn’t drink it first, the coffee would come hunting you.”

Matt grinned, relieved to see that her humor was surfacing. “You still haven’t really answered my question. Why the navy? You’re a woman who could make it anywhere on her own terms, I’ll bet.”

Perhaps it was the coffee soothing Kai’s jittery feelings, making her feel more relaxed. Her shoulders drooped, and she released a sigh. “I wanted to see the world. I thought it would be a great way to meet people and at the same time be of service to others.”

“You enjoy helping people?”

“Yes. Why are you giving me that look?”

He shrugged. “It’s hard to believe someone born with a silver spoon in her mouth would admit to something like that.”

“We’re all supposed to be selfish snobs, is that it?”

“Don’t take what I said personally.”

“Oh, of course not. That’s like me saying a criminal is an animal, even though you’ve displayed some humanity. How do you like being classified like that?”

“I am one,” Matt said simply.

Kai quirked her lips. “Yes and no. You aren’t like Boyce, thank God.”

“I’m like him in many other ways.”

“Then why haven’t you tried to rape me?”

Matt glanced at her. “It’s not my style.”

Kai stared at his mouth. It was a mouth drawn in at the corners by…pain? She couldn’t identify the emotion. The timbre of his voice flowed through her. Yes, she could imagine his mouth on her lips, his hands intimately touching her. Kai shook herself, shocked at her thoughts. She had almost been raped by Boyce. How could she be thinking of lovemaking with Matt Taylor less than an hour later? Agitated, Kai remained silent, mulling over the complexities. She sipped the coffee for nearly five minutes before breaking the silence.

“You have a streak of humanity in you,” she told him quietly. “Maybe all criminals aren’t alike.”

“Like all rich people aren’t snobs?”

“Exactly.”

“Maybe we’re both horses of a different color.”

“I know I am,” Kai murmured. “And if my instincts serve me, so are you.”