Stella Newman - The Happiness Recipe

Published by AVON

A Division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

First published as ‘Leftovers’ in Great Britain by HarperCollins Publishers 2013

This ebook edition published by HarperCollins Publishers 2018

Copyright © Stella Newman 2013

Cover design © Becky Glibbery

Cover illustration © Shutterstock

Stella Newman asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Source ISBN: 9781847562715

Ebook Edition © April 2013 ISBN: 9780007478446

Version: 2018-06-25

To George Hanna, with thanks.

‘We’ve arrived at the top of the staircase, finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up – and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t want to go out with.’

Kate Bolick, ‘All The Single Ladies’, The Atlantic magazine

Contents

Title Page STELLA NEWMAN THE HAPPINESS RECIPE

Copyright Copyright Published by AVON A Division of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk First published as ‘Leftovers’ in Great Britain by HarperCollins Publishers 2013 This ebook edition published by HarperCollins Publishers 2018 Copyright © Stella Newman 2013 Cover design © Becky Glibbery Cover illustration © Shutterstock Stella Newman asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library. This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this ebook on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. Source ISBN: 9781847562715 Ebook Edition © April 2013 ISBN: 9780007478446 Version: 2018-06-25

Dedication To George Hanna, with thanks.

Epigraph ‘We’ve arrived at the top of the staircase, finally ready to start our lives, only to discover a cavernous room at the tail end of a party, most of the men gone already, some having never shown up – and those who remain are leering by the cheese table, or are, you know, the ones you don’t want to go out with.’ Kate Bolick, ‘All The Single Ladies’, The Atlantic magazine

w/c 5 March

w/c 12 March

w/c 19 March

w/c 26 March

w/c 2 April

w/c 9 April

w/c 16 April – three weeks to airdate

w/c 23 April – Shoot Week

w/c 30 April – one week to airdate

w/c 7th May – Airdate!

w/c 14th May

w/c 21st May

w/c 28th May

One year later

Acknowledgements

Read on for an extract from Pear Shaped

About the Author

By the same author

About the Publisher

I am a Leftover.

Well, according to this ridiculous quiz in Style and Food Magazine I’m a Leftover:

Bridget Jones is so mid-90s! Today’s 30-somethings manage hedge funds, plan mini-music festivals and bake macrobiotic Red Velvet cupcakes, all without breaking a sweat! Answer these four questions to discover which tribe you belong to:

1) Work – Do you:

a) Run your own multi-million pound start-up, mentor young entrepreneurs in your lunch break and still find time for power pilates and a blow-dry before end of play.

b) Have a trust fund – you don’t need more cash; even so, you’ll be launching your first shoe collection in Harvey Nicks this spring.

c) Plod along on a treadmill non-career doing long hours for average pay while younger, more thrusting colleagues are promoted all around you.

2) Love and Sex – Are you:

a) Blissfully married to a man you still find ferociously attractive (the sex just gets better every year!) and tiger-mothering four kids under 10 who perform Mozart quartets together.

b) Heavily loved-up with your DJ boyfriend, and having loads of rampant, gymnastic sex, sometimes in public but mostly in Mr & Mrs Smith hotels.

c) Still recovering from your last failed relationship, living a non-voluntary celibate existence because your sad, jaded aura can be spotted from space.

3) Your weekends are spent:

a) Flicking through the FT’s ‘How to Spend It’ with one hand, buying Lanvin on Net-A-Porter with the other, only pausing to bake gluten-free alfalfa flatbreads.

b) Glamping, and on mini-breaks in Copenhagen/Babington House, religiously avoiding wheat and dairy.

c) Planning what you’re going to do if you ever stop feeling so goddamn lonely, while eating and drinking too much of everything.

4) Your role models are:

a) Nicola Horlick, Karren Brady.

b) Kate Moss, Florence from Florence + the Machine.

c) You have no role models. You have given up all hope. All that’s left is anger.

Mostly As – You’re an Alpha Alfalfa!

Mostly Bs – You’re a Gluten-free Glamorista!

Mostly Cs – You’re a Leftover!

Quiz by Khloe B

Well, Khloe, I have four things to say to you:

1) I am due to be promoted this Christmas, which is now only 307 days away. (It’s a week after Valentine’s, and we’ve just brainstormed our XtraSpecial Xmas poster concepts: Turkey Cran-Apple-Stuffing Ball Pizza anyone?)

2) Everyone has failed relationships. Perhaps not quite as fail-y as mine; still, your mistakes, your failures – they make you who you are, don’t you know?

3) Eating alfalfa is about as much fun as eating a handful of baby’s hair. And gluten-free? I happen to be a huge fan of gluten: bread, cakes, pasta. Some of my best friends are pasta. So no, Khloe, there will be no gluten-free alfalfa flatbreads.

4)Who actually spells Khloe with a K? Someone who doesn’t know how to spell Khloe, that’s who. Is your role model a Kardashian?

And another thing, Khloe: anger has nothing to do with anything. You shouldn’t try to pigeonhole people, that’s all. It’s stupid. Really stupid. In fact I’ll tell you something else that’s stupid: quizzes like this. Stupid quizzes in crappy magazines. Sorry, make that stupid kuizzes in krappy magazines.