Lola Jaye - Reaching for the Stars

We are all faced with challenges daily, but how we deal with them is really important. In the long run, it’s how we face challenges that can make us stronger. You may not believe it, but let me explain…

It was a challenge the day I got my very first letter from a large publisher. I had written a few chapters of my first ever novel, called Psychobabble. I sent it off and I was confident – no, I knew – I had written something great.

What could go wrong?

Also, I was excited that my writing was finally being seen, because as a writer, it’s only you who really gets to read your work. So when I got a letter back from the publisher, I was so excited! I tore open that envelope really quickly, lots of deep breaths and started to read it. The Managing Director of a major publishers had sent me a personal letter! And then I read it again just to be sure I wasn’t seeing things. I just couldn’t believe what he had written back to me…Anyway, he basically said he wasn’t exactly a fan of my writing, but hey, my idea was good! Oh and he wasn’t interested in publishing my lovely novel, either.

What?

I was devastated.

All I wanted to do was roll under my duvet and stay there for as long as I could. Fear began to creep in again. Perhaps I was wrong to go for my dream of becoming a writer. What if I had been kidding myself? What if I just didn’t have the ability?

So, as well as popping up before you’ve even taken the plunge, fear can also reappear once you’re in the process of pursuing your dream.

Actually, it’s going to pop up time and time again in the course of this book. It is such a powerful emotion. It can stop most people from taking risks and making major, potentially positive life changes. So let’s look at ways you can combat it during its early stage.

First, ask yourself what you are afraid of. Jot down a list of all the things you fear will happen if you were to go for your dream.

Look at each fear individually. Ask yourself what would happen if that fear came true? Then think about how you would resolve the problem if it came about.

After that, think about all the positive things that could happen if you went for your dream, and then flip it! Start thinking about how you’d feel if you STAYED in your current situation and NEVER went for your dream. Now how does that feel?

For me, it was horrible to receive such a knock so early on. For a few days I almost let it make me want to give up. But I knew that I didn’t want to do anything else. Writing was definitely for me. Then I unfolded the letter a few more times and began to really look at what this head honcho publishing man had said.

And my thoughts went from :

I’m crap at this.

I can’t write. Full stop.

Give up this dream.

To:

He liked my idea but the writing was rubbish.

I can’t write but hey, I had a good idea for a book.

He liked my idea!

If you look at my thought process above, you can see that I’d gone from seeing this rejection as something negative to finding a sort of positive spin to it. I was able to see that fifty per cent of the problem was solved – I had a good idea for a book. I just needed to brush up my writing skills. Of course I would have preferred it the other way round, but never mind, it was better than nothing! So, one day, I felt a surge of confidence overpower me.

If the writing wasn’t good enough, then I would improve.

So I wrote and wrote, improving with each paragraph. I also bought a book on publishing, which said it was best to get an agent to work on your behalf to find a publisher. And that is what I decided to do. I was determined to become a published author and nothing would stop me! The saying about ‘dusting yourself off and trying again’ suddenly made sense to me. I felt energized enough to carry on. I knew that without writing, I didn’t know what I would do.

There may be times when it feels like no one believes in you or what you are capable of doing. So it’s important that you believe in yourself at all times. I’ve had times when I have doubted myself. I think we all do, especially when life gets too hard. But it’s a belief in your own abilities and what you are capable of that will carry you further.

Justina Ifayemi, 28, from Milton Keynes, was really passionate about getting a job after being unemployed for some time. But with a young son and having been out of the workforce for some time, she found it hard. ‘I didn’t want to be on the dole anymore and wanted more for me and my son. I was looking for restaurant or shop work, anything. But I suppose the employers were looking for someone with something more recent on their CV and with more experience. But if no one gives you a chance – you can’t get the experience! But I wasn’t going to give up. I had to believe that I could get a job.’ Justina’s self-belief and patience soon paid off. She joined an employment agency and got a job – her first since having her son – as a care assistant in a care home, and hasn’t looked back. ‘It’s hard work and I have to get up at 5.30 every day. But it’s giving me valuable experience in the workplace and adding to my CV. Plus, I’m really enjoying it whilst knowing it’s one step towards reaching my dream which is to provide a better future for me and my son!’

As well as student debts, I had day-to-day bills to take care of. Working part time didn’t help that much, but it did mean I had time to write. However, I had to make another decision as I soon realized there was just not enough money coming in. I would have to apply for full-time work – which would mean no time for writing.

When I eventually got a full-time job as a Stop Smoking counsellor, a part of me was thrilled. I had got my first paid job helping people face to face and putting my psychotherapy skills into practice. But my new fear was that I would not have enough time to write. However, my dream of becoming a writer remained as strong as ever. So, eventually, and with a little bit of planning, I found a way to fit my writing around my job. I drew up a schedule (yes, I know, another list!) and stuck to it (most days).

Monday to Friday:

Work 9.00-5.00

6.30-7.30 dinner

8.00-9.00 write

9.00-10.00 watch TV

11.00 p.m. – bed!

Donna Douglas, 34, from London had always dreamed of becoming a pastry chef. She knew that just having the qualifications without any experience would make it harder for her to find work, so she did a spot of planning too.

‘During my third year at catering college, I got a job working in a kitchen. I had to arrange with my employers to have two days off a week so that I could continue with my catering course. It meant not having a break, but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make to reach my dream!’ Another thing; self-belief must not be confused with arrogance.

Many of us have watched audition shows like The X Factor and seen some people argue with the judges when they are told that they just can’t sing. Of course there are some who may go on to improve then come back. But there are also those who cannot see that perhaps singing is not for them. I sound like a cat with a toothache when I sing so, I know. But a couple of these contestants are what I like to call deluded and a bit arrogant. They truly believe they are as good as Whitney, Celine and Mariah. No amount of advice can change their minds.

So, be realistic about your dream.

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