Lola Jaye - Reaching for the Stars

Whether you’re organizing a surprise party or cooking a meal, a certain amount of planning has to go into it. For the meal, you need to make sure you have a whole lot of different things to hand, like the correct ingredients, crockery, utensils…So something as big as YOUR DREAM also deserves a certain amount of planning.

You need to be fully prepared if you want your dream to come true.

Putting together a list is a good way to start. It doesn’t have to be a really long list, just the key things you want to achieve. So if it is your dream to open your own restaurant, your list may look a bit like this:

Research online/books/talk to local restaurant owners

Get some practical experience in a restaurant

Look at finances and put together a business plan

After I left school, I suppose you could say I was a bit greedy, because I had to have one and a half dreams. I adored writing but I also loved the idea of helping people. Training to be a doctor was out of the question because I was way too squeamish and could not bear the sight of blood. I decided instead to study to become a psychotherapist and help people who have suffered things like a breakdown or an unhappy childhood. However, I didn’t have enough GCSEs to go into that field and, like many, I’d ‘had it’ with school. But I knew that if I wanted to help people as a psychotherapist, I needed qualifications, and that meant going on to sixth form college.

The only good thing about it was that it wasn’t school. It would be in a different building, so it still felt like a great big adven-ture. I was excited and scared all at the same time. I was embarking on something really new. And it can feel that way for you too when you are about to face something almost unknown. This fear of the unknown: you don’t know what to expect and you have no idea how things will pan out. Even at this early stage, our fears can get out of control and stop us from going any further than our lists! But don’t give into this.

Don’t let the fear stop you at the first hurdle.

So you’ve (hopefully) made a list of the key points you would like to achieve on the journey to your dream. One of the hurdles I faced when I wanted to train as a psychotherapist was the cost of paying for the course. Another was people constantly telling me I was too young.

The first hurdle I solved by applying for a career development loan, which was designed to help out with the cost of training.

The second hurdle, about my age, wasn’t as easy. People around me would say things like, ‘isn’t she too young to train as a psychotherapist?’ And, ‘what does she know about life?’ And, ‘How can she help people?’ And this was a lot harder to deal with. I was in my early twenties and I was struggling to understand how someone could judge me. How they could assume that, because of my age, I had no experience of life. They could at least have had a conversation with me first, before making that judgement.

And you may find that people around you are not as supportive as you may like. The trick is to see it as THEIR problem and not yours. Perhaps you are doing something they have always wanted to do and it bothers them that you have finally taken the plunge.

Don’t allow their feelings to get in the way as you reach for those lovely stars.

Surprisingly enough, we can be very negative about ourselves. Especially if no one has ever told you that you were good at anything. Especially if the only time anyone has paid you any attention was when you were doing something wrong. Therefore, it’s sometimes hard to have self-belief (which I will cover in Chapter 4). But as you inch towards your dream, watch out for this list of obstacles. They might crop up as you think about the road to following your dream:

I don’t have the time

No money

I don’t speak a certain way

No experience

I’m a bit ‘different’ to others

I’m too young

I am too old I can’t handle change Don’t have the energy I don’t have any skills I don’t know anything

I am just not good enough

I missed my opportunity years ago

It’s too hard

It’s too late for me to learn new things

I don’t trust myself

I worry about what others will think

It’s never going to happen, so what’s the point?

Yes, there are things we can improve on and change (like grades) but others we can’t and shouldn’t want to – like our race. So, if you do come across such barriers, don’t allow them to pitch up a tent and live in your head – fold them away!

I have highlighted three really powerful points in the list above: ‘I am just not good enough’, ‘I don’t trust myself’, and ‘It’s never going to happen, so what’s the point?’ Sometimes everything can boil down to one or more of these three statements. It usually has something to do with our past experiences. And whilst we cannot change the past, it is important not to let it rule us as we try to move forward. For example, because you have been in prison does not mean you are destined to always be in trouble with the police. You CAN change. Be confident and believe that you are the right person. Trust yourself.

You are good enough, and YOU have as much right to experience your dream as anyone else. You deserve to be happy. You don’t have to settle for being unhappy, sad, depressed or anything else that takes away your power to be the person you would like to be.

Oh, and never believe those who may tell you your dream is beyond you. Just ask yourself this: How do they know? Think about it for just a moment. THEY DON’T KNOW! Hey, but try not to spend too much time trying to figure out why people might want to knock your confidence. Instead, use your energy to set out how you can work towards reaching for those stars and achieving your dream.

Deep down, I knew that I could make a good psychotherapist. I had empathy (an understanding of what other people might be going through). I knew I wanted to help people. I was also determined not to let anything like negative comments or being broke get in the way.

Nothing needs to be THAT impossible if you have the inbuilt desire to succeed in your goal. If Barack Obama can become president of the United States of America then anything is possible!

I decided to really take my childhood dream of becoming a writer seriously and try and make it a reality the day I officially became a psychotherapist. I’d been through a few personal issues and I was starting to think that life was too short and you had to try and reach for those stars as soon as you saw them. So, I sat down and thought about my hopes and dreams and what I wanted from my life. You could call this one of my Breakthrough Moments – something we will discuss in Chapter 9. And I realized I owed it to myself to begin the journey to become a writer.

So I applied the ‘skills’ I’d used to become a psychotherapist, again starting off with a list;

Work

Write in the evenings and at weekends

Read lots

Send off sample chapters

Get published!

I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But like before, I decided to plan for it. At the end of my planning and as I looked at my list, I realized I could work as a psychotherapist whilst I tried to become a writer in my spare time. I was finally going to go for it. After all those stories written in my top floor bedroom, I was finally going to pursue my dream of becoming a writer!

Yippee!

Okay, things are never that simple. Just saying ‘I am going to do x’ doesn’t mean it’s simply going to happen. There may be big fat challenges that crop up from time to time. Like, not being able to find the time to even make a list or being told yet again that you don’t have enough experience for that job you want. If no one will give you a chance, how do you get the experience? Not having the energy to do anything other than go to bed, after a long day at work. And that good Old Faithful of emotions: Fear.