Christopher Healy - The Hero’s Guide to Saving Your Kingdom

After the hullabaloo finally died down, it occurred to Liam that he had never really spoken to Briar Rose other than to say, “Good morning. You can consider yourself rescued.” He was curious to know more about her. So he did something extremely rare: He sent her a note. Even more shocking, he suggested they meet. In person. Two people from different kingdoms—who are engaged to be married—seeing and talking to each other. Crazy, I know.

Liam sent a message suggesting that he and Briar meet in the Avondellian royal gardens and spend some getting-to-know-you time together. He was surprised when the princess’s reply came back reading, “What’s to learn? I know your name. I know where you live. Just be there on the wedding day.”

Liam decided to try again. His messenger returned to Avondell with a new note in which Liam eloquently and passionately explained why it was so important for him and Briar to truly know and understand each other before they got married. This time the response was slightly more positive: “Whatever.”

And so they met. Back when Liam had first seen the sleeping Briar Rose, he thought she was, indeed, a beauty (which made the whole kissing part somewhat easier). With pale white cheeks and thick, auburn curls that surrounded her head like an enormous, poufy halo, the princess had appeared soft and sweet, almost angelic. But as Liam walked into the rose garden that day and saw Briar standing with her hands on her hips, her brows arched, and her lips twisted into a tight knot, he was taken aback. Something seemed much harsher about her. Liam tried to overlook it and approached her with a gentlemanly bow.

“Thanks for meeting with me,” he said. “With the wedding only a few days away, I’m looking forward to getting to know the real you.”

Catching him completely off guard, Briar put both hands against his chest and pushed him down onto a nearby bench. “Listen up, hero,” she barked. “Don’t think that just because you offed some witch, you can take charge here.”

“She was a fairy, not a witch,” he said, stunned by Briar’s forcefulness. “And I’m not sure what you’re upset about.”

“I know you’ve got a pretty high opinion of yourself,” Briar said. “But that’s not going to fly with me. My parents raised me to be a proper princess. That means I get what I want, when I want it. In this marriage, you work for me.”

Liam was flabbergasted. “I work for the people,” he said. “I offer my services wherever I’m needed.”

“The people! Ha!” Briar snorted, whipping her impressive mane of curly hair. “The people are here to shine my tiaras and cook my puddings. I had to spend my entire childhood in hiding because of that stupid witch—”

“Fairy.”

“— and now that I’m finally in my rightful place, I’m going to start living like the princess I was meant to be. If I want entertainment, someone will dance for me. If I am thirsty, someone will give me their jug of water. If I want a cake, someone will use their last ounce of flour to bake me one. Watch this.”

Briar reached down and messily yanked handfuls of rare orchids up out of their flower beds. She crumpled the priceless blooms between her fingers and threw the broken stems and petals down onto the cobblestone path. “You know who’s going to travel to the farthest reaches of Kom-Pai and fight off venomous snakes in order to find new orchids for me?” she asked with a wicked grin. “The people.”

Briar strolled up to Liam and flicked a loose flower petal into his face. “What’s the matter, hubby? Speechless?”

“Don’t call me hubby,” Liam said, with a note of disgust. Even with all the monster battles he’d fought and death traps he’d escaped, this conversation was the single most unnerving experience he’d ever had. “You know, I’m not sure I want to marry you,” he said.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re mean.”

“Wah, wah,” she fake-cried. “Get a backbone, hero.”

“Please tell me this is some sort of joke.”

“You wanted the real me, you got it. Briar Rose doesn’t censor herself for anyone.”

“Then there’s no point to any of this,” Liam said sadly. “I can never love someone like you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, puppy. It’s common knowledge that I’m your true love.”

“According to whom?” Liam exclaimed. “The evil fairy who tried to kill us all? She’s the one who said ‘true love’s kiss’ would break the spell. But she also turned into a monster and tried to eat me. We’re supposed to take her word for it?”

“Blah, blah, blah, blah,” Briar mocked, opening and closing her hand like a puppet’s mouth. “You and I are still getting married. Our parents arranged this years ago. And you’re a real catch: You’re well liked, you come from a respected family, and you’re not too hard on the eyes. You’re just the kind of guy I want sitting on a throne next to me to make people feel safe and unthreatened before I turn their lives into nightmares.”

“I’ll never go along with this,” Liam insisted.

“It’s not like you have much of a choice in the matter. Face it, you’re stuck with me, Prince Charming.” Briar poked a finger into his chest with every syllable of Prince-Charm-ing, then sat down on a bench across from Liam and kicked her feet up onto a birdbath, knocking away a frightened wren as she did. “Now go peel me some kumquats.”

Liam walked away without a word, got on his horse, and headed back to Erinthia, where he gave word that he would be addressing the people that afternoon.

The citizens of Erinthia gathered by the thousands outside the royal palace, all eyes on the gold-trimmed marble balcony overhead, from which their prince would soon be addressing them. Applause broke out as a set of stained-glass doors opened wide and Liam strode out to greet the crowd. He wore a billowy blue tunic with black pants tucked into brown leather boots; there was a sword at his side, and a wine-colored cape fluttering behind him in the breeze. Before he spoke, Liam took a moment to gaze on the wildly enthusiastic audience below. Who needs a wife, he thought, when I’ve got all these devoted fans?

Liam’s mother and father, Queen Gertrude and King Gareth, stepped out onto the balcony behind him. They were followed by Liam’s twelve-year-old sister, Princess Lila, who ran up and gave Liam a quick smooch on the cheek before retreating to the back of the balcony. Lila, who wore her chestnut hair in loose, dangly ringlets and liked to roll up the sleeves on the elegant gowns her parents forced her to wear, might have been young, but she was Liam’s closest confidante—and the only person in Erinthia who appreciated Liam for his actual good deeds. Yet even she didn’t know why Liam had scheduled this appearance.

The king tapped Liam on the shoulder. “We are all eager to hear your big announcement,” Gareth said, hoping that Liam had decided to honeymoon in Valerium as he and the queen had suggested. The lobster rolls were so good there this time of year. “I wanted to have Tyrese here to record it all, but no one seems to know where he is at the moment.”

“Don’t worry about the bard, Father,” Liam said. “I’ll make this quick.”

He faced the crowd.

“People of Erinthia,” the prince said. The din of voices below hushed. “Thank you for coming out today. And thank you for all the kindness you have shown me and my family.” He gestured to his parents, and the crowd erupted into applause again. As soon as the noise died down, Liam continued.